Afraid Girlfriend Will Find out About Cheating and String of Women

LegacyUser

I've been cheating on my girlfriend with various women in Dublin. Things are starting to get very difficult however. None of the other women know that I have a girlfriend and its getting very difficult. I can't go to Dundrum with my girlfriend because one of the girls I'm seeing works there, I can't go to a very popular coffee place in the city centre that my girlfriend loves because another girl I'm seeing works there. I can't go to cineworld with my girlfriend because a girl I'm seeing goes there all the time. I've had to start taking her to really abstract locations like Blanchardstown and Kildare village just in case I bump into one of my partners. The other day I was with my girlfriend in memorial park and I bumped into a girl I was seeing for a few weeks, luckily she didnt say anything but it was a real 'oh ****' moment.

I do love my girlfriend so I never want her to find out. I have to stop for these reasons and I am going to. But what on earth should I tell these girls? I am just terrified that if I tell them the truth that when they see me out with my girlfriend that they'll tell her out of spite for me. But then if I lie, what happens if they come over and start talking to us and ask ''how long have you two been together''

I just dont know what to do. I cant keep avoiding half the city, its not feesible. Should I cut all contact with the girls, tell the truth or lie?

I am not interested in hearing opinions on my actual behaviour, I know its pure scum, thanks.

The Lovely Muffin

To be frank OP, I don't believe you love your girlfriend, because if you really loved her you wouldn't have behaved the way you did/are behaving.

Is your girlfriend not suspicious or wondering why you won't take to places you usually go? I know if my boyfriend was behaving like that I'd start asking questions. I wouldn't straight off think he was cheating, but I would be wondering why he suddenly wanted to go other places rather than normal places.

I never want her to find out

Of course you don't, because know what will (most likely happen) your girlfriend will dump you, your others girlfriends may also find out about your current girlfriend (how many current girlfriends are there?).

You will be shown up for what you are a liar and a cheat and you will (presumably) feel like terrible, which is exactly what you are.

Terrible as you might feel, you won't feel half as bad as your girlfriend will.

Did you use condoms with any of these women? If you didn't, you need to tell your girlfriend(s) so you can get checked out with the doctor.

I just dont know what to do

Tell your girlfriend. It's the right thing to do. It will hurt her now, but in the long run, she will be better off, as will you. As then you can see and sleep with whoever you want to and won't have to worry about hurting your girlfriend.

I cant keep avoiding half the city, its not feesible

You are right, it's not feesible and eventually your girlfriend will start asking questions about you not going to X, Y and Z.

Should I cut all contact with the girls, tell the truth or lie?

In my opinion, you should speak to all the girls involved and tell them, not to make yourself feel better, but also so they can get checked with their doctors for any STI's etc.

After telling them, you should cut contact.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Immoral advice: Finish with your string of girlfriends but don't tell them why. Give it a few months before entering zones of conflict with the alpha-girlfriend.

Ideological advice: Finish with all the girls you're messing about.

cafecolour

Break up with your girlfriend. Enjoy dating multiple women, but make it clear you're giving them o commitment. If you're ever ready to seriously commit to a girl monogamously, then make her your girlfriend.

Sorry, but it's, quite simply that simple. It's great to have a girlfriend who you care about. It's perfectly okay to be a serial monogamist or have several girls you're juggling (as long as you are honest about the situation/don't make any promises). You can't have both.

nowyouresix

I agree with cafecolour... why draw all the stress on yourself ???
If you want to sow your oats, which you obviously are doing, then surely your gf should be allowed the freedom to be with someone who actually puts her first. You'd be respecting her more by breaking up with her. Even if you get away with it and strive to change your ways, you will always know you got away with it before, and more than likely do it again. There's something inherently wrong either with you or your relationship for you to do it in the first place. I don't think you truly love your gf in the first place. You're just scared of being found out, and you're trying to convince yourself that you love her. There's no point in telling lies. Just be straight about it. Tell them all, be done with it , and find someone totally new.

qwertytlk

Breakup with all the other girls. If none of them actually knoq you have a gf then i wouldnt tell them. It will just hurt them and make them feel used etc, which isnt fair.

The other thing i think you need to do is seriously think about your relationship with your girlfriend.... You cant love her as much as you say you do if your willing to behave like this behind her back. If it was just one girl,one time, then i could maybe say ok it was a mistake. But the fact that your continually cheating on and deceiving your girlfriend with multiple other partners says to me that you do not love her. Maybe you just dont know what true love is? If you truly loved her no one else would compare and you certainley wouldnt risk hurting her like this. In fact, doing something like this wouldnt evem come onto the equation if you truly loved her.

Perhaps your just not ready to settle down or be in a serious relationship. Take a break, play the field.

And just to let you know, she WILL find out about your cheating. It may not be next week or even next year, but eventually she will find out. People always do.

beks101

These posts always baffle me. Aside from everything else, how do you have the time to pursue and date so many different women, when you have a 'full-time' girlfriend?

It's obviously not a one-off and it's obviously something you're consciously seeking out, seeing as you have so many women on the go at once. What is it in your brain that can't say 'Nice, but can't go there' when you bump into an attractive woman? Or is it that very forbidden-fruit thing that attracts you in the first place?

Figure these things out and the logistics will figure themselves out. But whatever the case, you're fooling yourself if you think you'll just be able to switch it off and live a monogamous life with your girlfriend. You obviously need the validation, you need the thrill and the ego boost. Love doesn't come into it at all.

Janet1986

This post reminds me of the selfish prick i was seeing.

He is a married man with two kids and was/is sleeping with everyone including me.

I got an sti from this 'person'

Bottom line is his wife will be finding out from me!

So if i were you i would end things with the other women and fast because you could end up meeting someone like me!

C-J

Get yourself screened for stis god knows what you could have caught. Your poor girlfriend

Sephiroth_dude

I really do hope you get caught out,your girlfriend deserves so much better than you

Eric Cartman

jaysus man i feel for ye. Easiest thing to do is tell all these other girls you have a girlfriend now then stay out of those places for 2-3 months , then if it ever did come up the other girls would either avoid you or just say "ohh this is your girlfriend then" and all would be well....

if you want to keep doing this , I strongly advise you pick girls outside dublin , but I dont understand why you would want a girlfriend when you quite clearly have an array of women for your needs

Ickle Magoo

If you have no constructive advice to offer the OP, kindly refrain from posting. The OP clearly stated they weren't interested in moralising.

Many thanks.

Forever Hopeful

To be honest OP, like other posters have stated your best course of action is to end ALL these dalliances as well as your relationship.
These women do not deserve to be treated like this.
How would you feel if your girlfriend was carrying on like that? You can't have your cake and eat it too.
Let them all go, seek help and start over.

Firetrap

You takes your chances when you indulge in this sort of behaviour. The longer you carry on behind your poor girlfriend's back, the greater the chance that you will be caught out. If you actually care about your girlfriend, something I very much doubt, you should dump all these other women asap and never ever cheat again. Though if you're capable of such behaviour, I don't hold out much hope of that. Make up some sort of excuse and finish things. You're good at lying so I'm sure that won't be difficult. As for afterwards, you can't control what anyone will ever say should you bump into them. But that's the chance you take, isn't it?

Distorted

beks101 wrote: »

These posts always baffle me. Aside from everything else, how do you have the time to pursue and date so many different women, when you have a 'full-time' girlfriend?

My thoughts too...

Ickle Magoo

Distorted infracted for ignoring mod warning.

Again, if you have no constructive advice to offer the OP on the issue they have specifically posted about - kindly refrain from posting.

Distorted

My apologies. I clicked on post and deleted half my post at the same time.

A0

OP, stop having any relationship for a while. Think about this and also what would you think/feel if your partner was cheating on you. Counselling and seeking for advice (may be a Psychologist) seem to be the best thing to do.

x Purple Pawprints x

There's absolutely no way that you love your girlfriend if you're messing around with half the girls in Dublin. She thinks she's your one and only and it sounds like these other girls think the same. I'm going to be honest, your girlfriend deserves better. My advice is finish all of these flings and your relationship so you can enjoy seeing multiple people and make sure they no you really don't want a relationship. I suggest you do this soon because your girlfriend is going to start asking questions and as bad as it is it's better that she find out you're cheating from you and not from one of your partners. And God knows what you could have picked up from these girls even if you did wear a condom so I'd say get tested yourself and if you have anything tell them as soon as you possibly can.

pickarooney

It's all going to come crashing down sooner or later so the choice is yours as to exactly when and how you want to go to the firing squad. Either play it out for as long as you can until one or all of them find out or bite the bullet now and tell them all, or some of them, at least the one you refer to as your girlfriend. I suppose if depends on how much of the thrill comes from the risk of getting caught and if it still outweighs the stress of keeping all your balls in the air.

analucija

cheatscum wrote: »

I've been cheating on my girlfriend with various women in Dublin. Things are starting to get very difficult however. None of the other women know that I have a girlfriend and its getting very difficult. I can't go to Dundrum with my girlfriend because one of the girls I'm seeing works there, I can't go to a very popular coffee place in the city centre that my girlfriend loves because another girl I'm seeing works there. I can't go to cineworld with my girlfriend because a girl I'm seeing goes there all the time. I've had to start taking her to really abstract locations like Blanchardstown and Kildare village just in case I bump into one of my partners. The other day I was with my girlfriend in memorial park and I bumped into a girl I was seeing for a few weeks, luckily she didnt say anything but it was a real 'oh ****' moment.

I do love my girlfriend so I never want her to find out. I have to stop for these reasons and I am going to. But what on earth should I tell these girls? I am just terrified that if I tell them the truth that when they see me out with my girlfriend that they'll tell her out of spite for me. But then if I lie, what happens if they come over and start talking to us and ask ''how long have you two been together''

I just dont know what to do. I cant keep avoiding half the city, its not feesible. Should I cut all contact with the girls, tell the truth or lie?

I am not interested in hearing opinions on my actual behaviour, I know its pure scum, thanks.

If you would have any intention stopping contact with the other girls it would be very easy, you could just tell them that there is somebody else you really like and that you can't be with them. I'm guessing they won't be too eager to meet your "new" girlfriend when they see you. But you like having those girls as a back up and a trophy so I suggest you start taking your girlfriend to a bit classier locations than shopping centres.

Emme

Finish with your girlfriend, if you're cheating like a buck rabbit on Viagra then you don't love her as much as you think. Then you can play away to your hearts content, just let know the girls that you're not willing to have an exclusive relationship or commit to anyone at the moment. Get yourself tested regularly for STIs and ALWAYS use a condom!

MissFlitworth

cheatscum wrote: »

I do love my girlfriend so I never want her to find out. I have to stop for these reasons and I am going to. But what on earth should I tell these girls? I am just terrified that if I tell them the truth that when they see me out with my girlfriend that they'll tell her out of spite for me. But then if I lie, what happens if they come over and start talking to us and ask ''how long have you two been together''

I just dont know what to do. I cant keep avoiding half the city, its not feesible. Should I cut all contact with the girls, tell the truth or lie?

There's literally no way anyone can help you with this. There's nothing you can do that will guarantee that one or more of these girls won't find out you have a girlfriend or bump into the two of you together or something. Nothing you say or do can influence that, even avoiding half the city. Tell the truth - to your girlfriend (because you could have given her an STI) and let her decide where to go from here and tell the other girls that they aren't the only people you've been sleeping with (because you could have given them one as well). What you've done has basically created a ticking timebomb that you can't disarm by cutting contact, breaking it off truthfully with your string of 'partners' or lieing to them.

gandalf

OP imagine you found out your girlfriend was sleeping with several other men. How would that make you feel and what value would your relationship then have?

Imho you should end the relationship because it is obvious you do not respect your girlfriend at all. I am assuming you are young. Go out and sow your wild oats and get it over with. Then you may be in a position to get into and appreciate a relationship.

Toots

I think the easiest thing to do is finish with all of them. Your post reads like a Ross O'Carroll-Kelly book, it's farcical to have to go to such lengths to stop your various girlfriends meeting each other. Eventually your steady girlfriend is going to wonder why you're avoiding all these places, or else you'll end up not being able to avoid going to one of them and there could be an awkward showdown.

If you want to have casual relationships with a number of women, that's fine, as long as all parties involved are aware of the arrangement and are happy with it.

OkayWhatever

Might aswell have a long think about which one is going to tell your girlfriend if you don't.

The truth always comes out in the end, and it's gonna sound better coming from you than some random girl shouting it at her in the middle of a shopping center when she's out looking for a lovely Christmas present for you.

Do the right thing and break up with her, stop humiliating her. Do you not think about how heartbroken she is going to be when she finds out?

You obviously don't love her and don't want to be in a relationship with her so why are you fooling everybody, especially yourself?

It's not fair on anybody so stop being so selfish and stop treating women like toys.

LegacyUser

OkayWhatever wrote: »

Might aswell have a long think about which one is going to tell your girlfriend if you don't.

The truth always comes out in the end, and it's gonna sound better coming from you than some random girl shouting it at her in the middle of a shopping center when she's out looking for a lovely Christmas present for you.

Do the right thing and break up with her, stop humiliating her. Do you not think about how heartbroken she is going to be when she finds out?

You obviously don't love her and don't want to be in a relationship with her so why are you fooling everybody, especially yourself?

It's not fair on anybody so stop being so selfish and stop treating women like toys.

I am going to try to put a stop to this.

I can leave most of the girls im stringing alone but one of them is particularly attached. Its going to be difficult to get rid of her.

Your right though, my girlfriend doesnt deserve this

ilovesleep

From what I gather from your OP the women that you are seeing are just casual with no commitment involved. Would I be correct. If there is no inclusivness why are you worried your casual partners may say something if you bump into them. Unless if you led them on and led them to believe that there is something there - more behind it all than just sex.

Amy33

It's becase of men like you that I gave up on men. Do the decent thing and finish with your girlfriend before she finds out what you're really like and loses all faith in men.

LegacyUser

ilovesleep wrote: »

From what I gather from your OP the women that you are seeing are just casual with no commitment involved. Would I be correct. If there is no inclusivness why are you worried your casual partners may say something if you bump into them. Unless if you led them on and led them to believe that there is something there - more behind it all than just sex.

Well not exactly. No woman worth pursuing will give you a chance if they think your only in it for the sex. while im not 'dating' any of them they do of course think that i am single and that we are heading towards being a couple. some understand that its casual but they dont know I have a girlfriend

ABajaninCork

cheatscum wrote: »

Well not exactly. No woman worth pursuing will give you a chance if they think your only in it for the sex. while im not 'dating' any of them they do of course think that i am single and that we are heading towards being a couple. some understand that its casual but they dont know I have a girlfriend

You sir, sound incredibly SMUG!! You're no prize. Why don't you man up and tell them then!! Stop stringing your girlfriend along. Let her find someone that treats her better than you do.

Danniboo

cheatscum wrote: »

Well not exactly. No woman worth pursuing will give you a chance if they think your only in it for the sex. while im not 'dating' any of them they do of course think that i am single and that we are heading towards being a couple. some understand that its casual but they dont know I have a girlfriend

That's Rich. No woman worth pursuing??? Seriously. No man worth pursuing would treat your girlfriend the way you have, let alone these other women. You don't seem to have any respect for women. If you do have a shred of decency you'd tell your girlfriend immediately, what you have given her an STD???????? Or do you not care about that? You have absolutely no right to comment on women who are just interested in sex, at least if they're stating that they're being honest, not stringing you along.

CardinalJ

Dump your girlfriend and keep stringing the rest of them along. She will find out and hate you forever regardless, so you may as well go down in a blaze of glory.

LegacyUser

OP you haven't referred to the STI issue that many have brought up. Do you realise that many are symptomless and can cause problems like infertility? You could have caused damage to your girlfriend that will be irreparable if she doesn't get tested. Love, ya?

rediguana25

OP did you ever ask yourself why you cheat?
The truth always finds a way of coming out and it will. So in the meantime think about what it would be like for your gf when the truth does come out. Would you feel ok with putting her through that?
In the meantime I would think someone who acts like this is completely self centered, lives through ego and should not be in a relationship with anyone as nobody deserves such deplorable treatment.
I really hope you stop the cheating for your gf sake and grow a pair, come clean and advise your gf to get tested for sti's. You also should consider talking to a professional because your behaviour WILL NOT change if you don't address it.