Advice needed..

OH-MY-CANDLE

Bit of a tricky one here..

I'm 21, and had been seeing this guy on/off since I am 18,He's 25 but extremely immature.. anyway recently found out that I was pregnant by him (even though I had been on the pill) when I found out we were on an 'off' period and he was seeing someone else..at first he was extremely supportive and helpful, and we started spending a lot of time together and started back up again.. I decided that I wanted to terminate the pregnancy for a number of reasons and he supported me on this.. we made arrangements to go to england, booked flights, hotel and made an appointment etc and the day before we were due to go he said he couldn't go cause of work etc, I refused point blank to go by myself and cancelled all the appointment etc and made arrangements to go over at a later date..As we waited for the new appointment he became more and more difficult and distance and kept insisting I was making things hard for him even though I only contacted him about practical matters, time of flights,price etc.. I tried to talk to him about how he was feeling about the situation and how I was doing but he just said he didn't want to get to emotionally involved in the situation..So pissed off I was I kept my distance.. We went over to england in the past week and he was there, he wasn't extremely supportive or comforting but at least he was there I guess...I still have such strong feelings for him, but I know in my head he is an asshole and that I should just move on.. My friends insist that I should let the new girl he seeing know all about what has been going on the last couple of weeks and that she deserves to know what he's really made of.. I really don't know what to do and would appreciate some advice..Apologies about the length of this post, I am such a rambler!

OH-MY-CANDLE

Would also like to add that he owes me about 700 euro in expenses for the treatment..

LegacyUser

Hey,

To be honest I don't know what your friends want you to do. What exactly has he done wrong? It's understandable that he has been all over the shop about the abortion, who wouldn't be??

But telling his girlfriend 'what he's made of'?? I don't get that at all. You made the decision to terminate the pregnancy after all.... He went with you like you asked. And now you're angry because he didn't act like a boyfriend. But he isn't your boyfriend any more.

As for the money, you could ask him about it. But involving his girlfriend in it doesn't seem like a good idea. It's between you and him.

Bloody Nipples

Stay out of his relationship with the new girl. What are you going to do? follow him around every relationship he ever has and warn them all off? Just count yourself lucky and well rid. And the treatment was apparently your own choice going by your post ("I decided that I wanted to terminate the pregnancy for a number of reasons and he supported me on this..") so he doesn't owe you anything.

perri winkles

I agree that you shouldn't involve yourself in his new relationship.

However, I can't agree with the previous poster who said he owes you nothing. It takes two to make the baby and he would have been paying a hell of a lot more in maintenance if she had decided to go through with the pregnancy. Covering half the costs is the least he could do. Also you say you were on the pill, was he wearing condoms? If not then he is most definitely as responsible for you falling pregnant, you shouldn't have to shoulder all the medical costs.

Be insistent. He owes you that money.

OH-MY-CANDLE

I realise that involving the new girlfriend would obviously cause more harm than good..but my friends were insistent that she deserves to know as we had started sleeping together again during the first few weeks that he was being supportive etc and I really just wanted some outside perspective on that one in case I was missing something...
As for him doing nothing wrong I really can't agree, I know his head is/was all over the place about the whole situation, as is mine ,but to let someone know the night before they are due to go away to do this huge horrible thing that they wont come is pretty lousy..I have kept my distance and have only contacted him about practical matters, and it is frustrating that he doesn't seem to care at all about the situation and sees the whole thing as just an inconvenience..I know we are not together anymore, and that this is for the best, I don't want him to act like my boyfriend I just want him to care and be a bit more understanding..
Finally the financial cost, all I want is for him to pay for half..We both had an equal part to play and the financial responsibility should be equal also, I don't think this is unreasonable. I am a student who has spent all her savings and is now broke as a result, He is working and has given me no money at all and is able to go out and enjoy himself and do what he likes

nowyouresix

OP: Sorry for your recent predicament. I hope you get some counselling to help you through this horrible time.
I don't think that you should interfere with his new relationship though. Even though it is a hard time for you, this situation has nothing got to do with his new girlfriend. You and he will cope with this(on an emotional level) very differently. There are times when you just have to let go. If you tell her it would seem like you are doing it out of spite and transferring your pain on her, and she wouldn't deserve it. If he has a habit of sleeping with others behind her back, then she will find out, for herself, in time, without your input.
You need support at this time, and to deal with your anger.
You have had a hard time, but it seems the option you chose was the best for you in the long run. Be grateful of that.
The most important thing now is for you to get some counselling and have your friends support you.
Best of luck.

Firetrap

I'd leave the new girlfriend out of it, though maybe causally suggesting you might mention it to the new girl might make him pay up his half.

The main thing though is that you look after yourself now. Get counselling if you feel you need it, get support from your friends and family. How he behaved is his look-out. He turned out to be as shallow as a puddle and you're better off without him in your life.