Boyfriend woes!

Graciefacey

I've been with the oh for over 4 years we're both late twenties, and have a 15 month old. I'm a total over thinker so bear with me! In those 4 years he has never once told me he loves me of his own accord (only said it once when pressured) yet I have to say that through his actions romantic gestures etc he does. My issue is that although i'm very close to his family and friends at home, i'm totally kept in the dark as to his colleagues. Let me add i live in the south while his work is in Dublin in a very large professional firm. They have loads of work nights out etc, drinks, dinner, and he never makes the effort to text while he's out with them or ring to check in. Once we were out for the night at a large street event and he got a call that work colleagues (a female called) were in the same city, and i was literally left on my own for 2 hours while he went to meet them. I suggested going up to Dublin last week last minute as i had a babysitter and knew he had a work night out and he kept telling me not to bother. I literally lie awake these nights crying and letting my imagination go wild. I have lost over 4 stone since our baby was born and look better than ever but don't feel it. I don't know if his work colleagues even know he has a child or a girlfriend its that vague, i'm also not working by choice as i wanted to spend extra time with our son who was very sick. Oh's very attentive caring and loving but this issue is breaking my heart.

Payton

I personally think he should be sat down and told exactly how you feel. If he finds work related nights out without you are more important than there is a major issue. TELL him you WILL be going to the next night out as its the least you deserve.

Sorry to say he's taking you for granted on this issue, although he shows how much he cares for you in other ways.
You need to be firm on this.....either your a couple or not.

The Lovely Muffin

Graciefacey wrote: »

Once we were out for the night at a large street event and he got a call that work colleagues (a female called) were in the same city, and i was literally left on my own for 2 hours while he went to meet them.

You go on a night out with your boyfriend and he goes off at the drop of a hat to meet colleagues and leaves you on your own? That is absolutely not on.

I agree with "on the verge" here, you need to sit your boyfriend down and explicitly tell him how you feel and how his actions are making you feel.

I know if I had a boyfriend like yours OP, after telling him how I feel and how his actions make me feel, if he didn't change his ways I would leave him, child or not.

I know with a child it makes things a bit more difficult especially if your child is sick as the last thing you'd want to do is cause any upset for your child, but really, living the way you are now, your child is bound to pick up on any tension or bad feelings and in the long run that will do no good.

You need to do what's best for you and your child, staying in an unhappy relationship is not good for anyone.

Sit your boyfriend down and talk to him, explicitly spell out your feelings etc and let him do the same and then decide where to go.

Best of luck OP, hope it all works out for you.

A0

Graciefacey wrote: »

I've been with the oh for over 4 years we're both late twenties, and have a 15 month old. I'm a total over thinker so bear with me! In those 4 years he has never once told me he loves me of his own accord (only said it once when pressured) yet I have to say that through his actions romantic gestures etc he does. My issue is that although i'm very close to his family and friends at home, i'm totally kept in the dark as to his colleagues. Let me add i live in the south while his work is in Dublin in a very large professional firm. They have loads of work nights out etc, drinks, dinner, and he never makes the effort to text while he's out with them or ring to check in. Once we were out for the night at a large street event and he got a call that work colleagues (a female called) were in the same city, and i was literally left on my own for 2 hours while he went to meet them. I suggested going up to Dublin last week last minute as i had a babysitter and knew he had a work night out and he kept telling me not to bother. I literally lie awake these nights crying and letting my imagination go wild. I have lost over 4 stone since our baby was born and look better than ever but don't feel it. I don't know if his work colleagues even know he has a child or a girlfriend its that vague, i'm also not working by choice as i wanted to spend extra time with our son who was very sick. Oh's very attentive caring and loving but this issue is breaking my heart.

Weird... May be he's enjoying flirting (or more...) with his colleagues and keep his options opened, pretending he is single. I can't believe he let you on your own for two hours and met his work mates! Talk to him ASAP.

Graciefacey

Thanks all, we had big chat about it and I basically poured my heart out. I think i'm finding the long distance tough so get upset sometimes especially with our sons illness its a lot to bear and I over react. His view is that his colleagues aren't his friends as such and that a certain feeling of that even though they're havin department meals free bars etc theyre still 'at work', particularly in his line of work. I must also point out that the night out was the races so i wasn't technically on my own, i was going from pub to pub meeting various friends but was hurt that he didnt ask me along when his colleagues called. He has a heart of gold but is a bit clueless on occasion! We love each other to bits and trust each other, he works every hour god sends so there was never any question of it being another woman but thanks for your views. Mods feel free to close this as issue is resolved.

A0

Graciefacey wrote: »

Thanks all, we had big chat about it and I basically poured my heart out. I think i'm finding the long distance tough so get upset sometimes especially with our sons illness its a lot to bear and I over react. His view is that his colleagues aren't his friends as such and that a certain feeling of that even though they're havin department meals free bars etc theyre still 'at work', particularly in his line of work. I must also point out that the night out was the races so i wasn't technically on my own, i was going from pub to pub meeting various friends but was hurt that he didnt ask me along when his colleagues called. He has a heart of gold but is a bit clueless on occasion! We love each other to bits and trust each other, he works every hour god sends so there was never any question of it being another woman but thanks for your views. Mods feel free to close this as issue is resolved.

Always good to talk and say what we have in mind! All the best