If you don't feel chemistry on a first date...

mspink

Should you still give it a go? Went on a date with a lovely guy last night that I met on a night out the previous weekend.
It was very comfortable and he was a complete gent but I don't think we've much in common. We kissed at the end and it was nice but I couldn't wait to stop and go home.
I think it comes down to not having chemistry, he asked if I wanna do it again and I said yes but I'm starting to wonder if there's any point. Any advice?

qwertytlk

In certain circumstances i would say yes, there would be a point in a second date. For example, if you just werent sure. But you said yourself you couldnt wait to get home! So on that basis, id say theres not really much point going out with him again is there?! So imo, move on and try find somone you have chemistry or a spark with....otherwise its just kind of pointless, like going through the motions.

Firetrap

Agreed. Are you trying to convince yourself you should go out with him again because he's a lovely bloke and that on paper, it's the thing to do? You've answered your own question actually. If you couldn't wait to get outta there and get home, why would you want to meet him again

Young_gunner

If you don't think there's any way you could end up feeling the chemistry etc not really much point?

was there any chemistry at all?

Jenneke87

Are you looking forward to a second date? A date should be fun and exciting not a chore. If you don't think there's any point, thank him for a nice time and leave it at that.

beks101

mspink wrote: »

We kissed at the end and it was nice but I couldn't wait to stop and go home.

This says it all really IMO. If something physical like kissing feels like a chore with someone, there's really not much to work with.

I do think it's very individual and some people can be slow-burners, but I had the same situation a few months ago, went on that second date and it made it harder to have to do the inevitable, as I think it gave the guy false hope and a chance to develop feelings for me, when there was really nothing there on my end. Guy was lovely, smart, funny as hell, attractive...everything I wanted, on paper, but I just didn't feel it and knew it from the moment he kissed me.

Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. I think you should tell him now that you enjoyed the date but don't see it becoming anything more.

nowyouresix

No, don't give it another go. If you didn't feel any chemistry, and you don't feel you have much in common, then you're going to waste not only your own time, but his too! If he calls/texts just tell him straight you didn't feel any chemistry, and move on.

Best of luck.

I wonder how many guys looked at this thread and wondered if it was about them. Ha.

Serious time - perhaps go on the second date, something small like coffee. If you still feel the exact same, then leave it be. Also make sure to tell the guy you're not interested.

mspink

I think why it's so hard is because i find it so difficult to find a genuine nice guy out there that wants more than "a bit of fun" so it feels wrong to reject someone who seems really genuine.
Maybe I will meet him once more to see if we have anymore in common. I know we were both nervous and it's hard for your true personality to come through when you're like that.
Thanks for all your replies.

missbelle

Jenneke87 wrote: »

Are you looking forward to a second date? A date should be fun and exciting not a chore. If you don't think there's any point, thank him for a nice time and leave it at that.

I totally agree. the fact that you couldn't wait to get home suggests that there was no spark on your part. Me personally, I've been on dates like that, and left it there, didn't see the point of meeting up again. Although I do take on board, that some relationships develop an attraction after a number of dates, but I think the initial spark has to be there

mspink

Could it be that because he is genuine and there is no second guessing his motives that you are missing that drama? If say, on the date, he acted a bit aloof, would you have found that more of a challenge?[/Quote]

Yes strange as it sounds, I think that may be an element too. It's a difficult one to figure out. Either way I think I'm gonna go on the 2nd and see how I feel after that. Thanks again.

floorpie

I dunno...

When something feels right, it's fairly noticeable. Any time i've actually liked someone there was an unquenchable fire in my belly which was raging from the off. And i don't think the excitement or fun of a date or whether they're funny or nice or gentlemanly is relevant in the face of that 'fire', it just happens sometimes. But like ya say, nerves can confuse it a little.

So if you go on another date, don't be worried about all these secondary aspects, just do something simple date-wise, and flirt with the moment and see how it feels. You'll know soon enough.

LegacyUser

but I don't think we've much in common

That's your answer. You might meet someone with whom you had a lot in common, but you are not sure if you fancy them. These you should see again, as they might grow on you. But if you have little in common and you don't seriously fancy them, then leave it at that.

Ickle Magoo

I'd give it another go and just try to have some fun, no pressure. While I think chemistry is usually pretty instant - there are times when I'm just not in the right head-space to appreciate it. I'd give it one more go and if you are still dying to get away from them at the end of the night, then I'd call it a day.

All the best. :cool:

Jerri Jordan

I'd say give it 1 or 2 more dates. Attraction can grow unexpectatly. Once went out on a date with a guy and felt similar - I didnt feel a huge spark. Friends in work convinced me to go for one more date just as I was about to ring him and say no to a second date. Turned out on the second date we got on even better and attraction grew and we dated for the summer and it was great until he left for Cuba! but point is give it a chance!

Emme

Give it at least 2 more dates if he wants to see you again. Sometimes attraction can grow over time.

Firetrap

I hope it works out for you. Your reaction to kissing him first time was a bit strong I thought

LegacyUser

I'm having a similar thing at the moment too and have been asking myself the very same question. Went out with a guy who turned out to be a lot different to what I remember when I met him and from texting him. Not that it's a bad type of different but I think I was so hung up on trying to 'figure him out' that I didn't really just go with the flow and enjoy it. I didn't wana kiss him at all.

Yet a week later I am interested to meet him again. So maybe chemistry can grow? I wish I knew! Good luck whatever happens