I dont have a life

LegacyUser

This is my story:

I am 28 years old. I have never had much of a social life. I was always the quiet guy. If you have ever met me, you will probably have thought "Wow, Does this Guy ever talk?". Even when I was a child, I was like this; I remember back in primary school, I was always the unpopular guy, the uncool one. That didnt really change when I attended secondary school, although I had friends there. In college, I had a good few friends and went out quite a bit. My social life was ok-ish.

So I left college and moved to Dublin when I got a job there. The first couple of years in Dublin were good too. Some of my college friends moved up around the same time, and I hung out with them. However, gradually they moved away and went to different places; moved to different jobs. The result now is I am ALONE. I have nobody to socialise with any more. All my friends are gone. And I have no idea how to make new friends. I have never really been able to make new friends.

There is nothing more I would like than to find a nice girl, have a relationship. People post on here in "Personal Issues" asking for advice about their relationships. They dont realise how lucky they are to be able to get into relationships. I cant even attract friends, never mind a relationship. I have no sexual experience; I have turned down sex a couple of times where girls were hammered and made advances on me. I may be in a minority, but I dont actually find drunk girls attractive. But I havent kissed many girls in my life either. Occassionally would be a polite way of saying it!

I know I am not an attractive guy. And I dont talk to strangers. So I dont have looks, and I dont have a personality to make up for it! I have lived with housemates over the past few years in Dublin, most of whom were girls and I became friends with them after a while. But it takes me time..... the problem when I do go out is that I approach strangers; I have no idea what to say to them. I think my quietness is related back to over-protective parents as a child (Is there some psychology that backs this up?).

I know I am a good guy, an honest person, someone who works hard in a good job. I am well paid and unlike lots of others, there is no chance of me being unemployed at the moment. I know people will reply to this saying; "You have to like yourself before you can expect others to like you". I actually think I am a cool person, when people get to know me. I have lots of interests & I have achieved a lot academically in the past. I dont think I am attractive (I know I am not) but I do have a personality, but find it diffcicult to show to other people.

I read "The Game" by Neil Strauss; I know people here dismiss it (I read threads on personal issues!), but I could relate so much to what is said in that book. So I bought "The Rules of the Game". The first task in that is to go out and make small talk with 5 strangers; I have had the book for over a year, but I cannot do it. I cannot force myself to talk to 5 strangers on the street. How sad is that! I do not want to become a PUA, but I do want to be able to talk to girls I might like. I have tried joining clubs in the past, as people always say the way to meet new people is through clubs, but I have found that usually they disband after the meeting (Or whatever) and go their separate ways...

I dont know what I am asking here; advice on how I can fix my life :-(

Ickle Magoo

OP, I've approved your post but just to re-iterate the forum charter for any posters offering advice:

Discussion of Pick-Up-Artists (PUA) methods and techniques are not allowed on this forum.

Fentdog84

You could try reading some confidence boosting self help material like for example, unleash the giant within by Tony Robbins. Or even sales manuals can be helpful just to learn how to connect & communicate with people even if its the last thing you want to do career wise.Anyway as regards your inhibitness its just something you need to work on or to find a solution to. If you keep saying something will never happen for you, then it definitely wont. Its up to you and only you to make it happen.

jameshealy19

Just PM me dude

meoklmrk91

I would have been quite similar to yourself a few years back, very low self confidence, always worried I was saying the wrong thing, just had a tough time with other people all round. I never felt normal or that I fitted, but I am actually okay with that now, in fact I like it, those little quirks are what make me, me.

But I knew I had to make a change, so I did and I am happy for it, I am still quiet enough, but I don't care what people think of me any more so I say what I want and I don't think about it. I actually ended up being fairly popular in my school, I had been out for a number of years before I went back. So it really got me out of my shell, people liked me simply for being me and it's now the same way in college, which is a wonderful feeling.

All relationships happen organically, they aren't really something that can be forced. Easiest thing to do is find like minded people, organisations regarding something that you are interested in.

As for making conversation with strangers, easiest thing to do is complain, we are a nation of complainers. Jesus would this bus ever come on etc. Get yourself a dog or borrow one, dog owners love other dog owners. Find some common ground and build from there. Oh and just remember that sometimes quiet can come across as aloof, so just take that on board. A lot of people who have gotten to know me better have said that they though I was snobby or whatever.

Finally don't be too hard on yourself, you sound like a nice guy who is just having a tough time in one area of your life, but you want to change so just give yourself a chance to.

Ickle Magoo

As per the forum charter, please do not ask posters to get into private consul with you.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

cafecolour

Forget about finding a girl for the moment, focus more on you.

You say that clubs usually disband after the meetings. Yes, that's true. But you can't go to clubs just to meet people to go drinking with. You have to go to a club for an activity you're generally interested in. It will built you confidence as you do the activity, and soon you will meet people.

Think of this is as a 6-9 month plan, not a 2 week plan. Step one is to find activities you genuinely enjoy doing, and then find associations/other people that also enjoy doing them. Joining a club hoping to find mates for a piss up is not the correct approach.

EdenHazard

its not that hard man any chance of a pic so we can see just how 'unattractive' you are. lads have it easy man, clear up the skin(if you have skin problems) get a haircut that suits you, hit the gym and buy some good clothes and have a bit of confidence about yourself, your happy to play (the what seems) to be unloveable loser card 'im not an attractive guy'...well then trick girls into thinking you are...any guy even with not the best face could pull 5 or 6 out of 10's, mayb 7's as well.

Firetrap

You sound like you're unhappy in yourself and not very confident. You have made friends in the past so it's not as if there's something wrong with you. You've just gotten rusty at talking to strangers and probably ended up in a comfort zone when you did have those college friends.

I think the first thing you need to work on is making more friends. I've a suspicion that you view having a girlfriend as some sort of panacea. It isn't. You've mentioned those female housemates you have/had. Do you ever socialise with them or do things with them? I don't mean that in a sleazy way, by the way. I'm talking more about going off hillwalking or going to the pub or on a day trip somewhere. Have you ever met their friends? Made an effort to get to know their friends?

Ickle Magoo

OP,

Please do not post any personal information and that includes images of yourself.

EdenHazard, PI/RI does not exist as a service to rate posters based on their photographs - please do not request that posters supply any personal information or pictures.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.