Am I nuts to be thinking this.....

LegacyUser

I'm going on 35, as is my partner. We've been together for just over 6 years, and all's been relatively rosy until recently, when we've had a bit of a rough patch. There's no arguing, fighting or anything like that, but things have been a little bit stale, and it seems like we're just existing.
We talked about this a few weeks back, and we're working on it, trying to be more attentive and loving with each other, and it's been better.

But for some reason, I can't get the thought out of my head that I want to leave her. In one sense, this terrifies me, because she means so much to me - she's my best friend, and up until recently, I couldn't imagine life without her, but I can't get this thought out of my head!

Don't know what I want from this post really - it's as much a relief to say it out as anything! Has anybody been through similar experience?

Thanks in advance for replies.
J.

welshlady2010

Yes I understand exactly where you are coming from I feel exactly the same way I feel like screaming out Ive have enough I cant take it anymore you wake up feeling it and end the day thinking about it AAAAAAAAAAAAAAgh

Penny Dreadful

confused_guy wrote: »

I'm going on 35, as is my partner. We've been together for just over 6 years, and all's been relatively rosy until recently, when we've had a bit of a rough patch. There's no arguing, fighting or anything like that, but things have been a little bit stale, and it seems like we're just existing.
We talked about this a few weeks back, and we're working on it, trying to be more attentive and loving with each other, and it's been better.

But for some reason, I can't get the thought out of my head that I want to leave her. In one sense, this terrifies me, because she means so much to me - she's my best friend, and up until recently, I couldn't imagine life without her, but I can't get this thought out of my head!

Don't know what I want from this post really - it's as much a relief to say it out as anything! Has anybody been through similar experience?

Thanks in advance for replies.
J.

This may seem like a silly question but why do you think you want to leave her?

• For a more exciting life elsewhere?
• To be alone for a while
• To find someone more "fun" and "less stale".
• Are you simply bored

If you can break your feelings and thoughts down into smaller pieces you may be able to understand them more.

gmac102

sounds like its a bit of a sticky one, it could be a phase... ask yourself in what way do you love her like a friend, a sister or a partner?

if its a frnd or sister you know what u need to do if its a partner then ride it out and see how u feel over a few months

i wish you all the best

Oryx

These are rhetorical questions, you dont need to tell me the answer:

Are you happy in other aspects of your life? Does life excite you, do you have things to look forward to?

If the answer to those questions is no, then maybe thats something you also need to look at before you give up on your relationship. I think sometimes when relationships get stale its not so much about the two people, but more about their life/lifestyle. They get bored with how they are living, as much as each other.

Of course, if you life otherwise is terrific, then yes, you really do need to discover if you are drifting apart.

LegacyUser

Hi guys, op here again, thanks for the replies - there's some good points there, some I've already considered and others I hadn't.

@Penny Dreadful - sometimes I think that maybe I'm a little bored and that I'd like to be alone for a while. However, there's really no way of saying this to someone without them taking it personally!

@Oryx - i'm pretty happy with the other aspects of my life - on the verge of good things in my career, and things are going well for me. I've always kept a small circle of close friends, and things are good with them. That's what makes it hard for me - she is (and I have no doubt about this) my best friend.

And that might just be the problem. As much as I love her as a partner, sometimes, I think that I love her more as a friend....I really do have a lot to think of.

That said, I'm not going to rush into any decisions.....not with something this important. Will just ride it out for a while, and hope it is just a phase that I'm going through!

Thanks again!
J.

fits

It really sounds like it could be a phase. If she's your best friend, thats a solid foundation. You just need to find some spice again and to be honest, that ebbs and flows in every long term relationship.

LegacyUser

Ahhh, the classic 7 year itch...
OP, do you have goals in your professional life? Targets to achieve, grades to pass, ect?
You know how going through it, it's challenging, a bit monotonous at times, but once you're over the final hurdle, you get this great sense of achievement? That your drive and focus has something to show for itself?
I'm working on the assumption- based on the fact that you call your OH your "partner"- that you're not married. So currently, there's this lack of progression in your relationship. You're now stuck in limbo, same humdrum drifting along as the last 6 years. It feels like you're going nowhere, yeah? This is because you're not. It's not healthy for the human psyche for things to stay static, personally as well as professionally. If this girl feels like your best friend at time, that's not a bad thing, surely it's the sign of a deep connection?
A bit like going for a job interview for a new, better paid position- consider treating your relationship with the same seriousness and ambition. Then you may begin to feel that you're achieving something, going somewhere.
Otherwise, if you're genuinely not feeling it, simply start again. You may get lucky, you may have to put in a few years of hard graft. Take your chances, don't waste your time (or hers).

rediguana25

Yes I've been there. Pushed that little voice to the back of my mind for a long time. Eventually the relationship started deteriorating naturally. My advice would be to listen to that voice and ask yourself why you think you are feeling the way you do. I think once you pay attention to how you feel and put some focus on it a lot more answers will come to you. Now for the part you're not going to like. To really be free of the anguish you feel now you need to tell your OH how you're feeling. At the end of the day you can't help how you feel and she will thank you for it in the long run. She may also surprise you by feeling the same way.....
So that's my 2 cents based on my experience which seems very similar to your situation...Be true to yourself and it will work out for the best in the end. Best of luck OP