Past Mistakes

LegacyUser

Ok,I'm in need of some advice on how to make up mistakes from my past as I feel that I cant move on without righting the wrongs of some of the past three years.
I broke up with my ex after seven years,it was a combination of him constantly cheating and emotional bullying from him towards me which after we broke up lead me to finding it hard to trust people or let them close to me.
Now after being single for three years, I have finally gotten over it but I have made so many mistakes with fellas that I have been with,I basically have been the coldest emotionless uncommitted girl any fella could be with and I have met the nicest of guys and treated them so badly and now I'm really regretting it and more so because of this one incident that happened a few weeks ago.
So roll back a year and a male friend of mine asked me to go to a wedding with him,I agreed but on the basis that we were going as friends.That was clear by me and he seemed happy with that. I had been seeing a guy up to a month before this wedding and I had unknowningly to myself fallen for him so I didnt think I was in any position to start something new. I went to the wedding with him and the whole day felt right with him and we had good craic and that night we ended up kissing and while it was amazing I bolted out the door and made the excuse that I was sick and I got one of my friends to come to the hotel and collect me. I wasnt drunk at all but I suppose I freaked out cos it was so couply and everyone was saying how good we were together.I just couldnt handle it.
He rang me the next day and I apologised and said I was feeling so much better so he collected me from my friends house and we went back to his house but I just was so cold to him,he was the perfect gentleman all day and we just hung out and watched a dvd and later that night we ended up out drinking and in bed together but we only kissed.He made it clear to me that he was crazy about me but had been afraid to lose me as a friend so he didnt do anything about it and was delighted when I agreed to go to the wedding with him.We agreed we would see each other but take it easy so I wouldnt run but I did and when he contacted me I completely ignored him or wrote back a cool short message.We have been texting throughout the year but only about general stuff so we have been in touch all along but by no means the extent we were in before this fiasco.
So two weeks ago I was in a pub and I spotted him,he was right behind me and my date(which I felt awkward with) so I said hi to him when he was coming back from the bar and he was all chat but it was so awkward with him compared to how it used to be between us.I admit I was a total b!tch towards him at the wedding but I have never discussed it with him and would like to clear the air.
I text him and he replied, was just general chit chat and I asked him if I could meet up with him and that I wanted to talk to him.He replied and asked if I was ok to which I replied that I was just long overdue a chat with him.Between the texts he said he wouldnt be around last week so I asked for a different night to which I got no reply. What do I do next?Just to clarify that date I was on the night I met him was the first and last date with that guy but I'm sure my friend prob doesnt see it that way.Im afraid I've really lost him and I want him back as a friend more than anything else.Any opinions?
I'm so sorry for the long post but I need some outside straight up perspectives about this,thanks in advance!

Fentdog84

So this guy who made it clear that he liked you, then you more or less agreed to start seeing each other, and then you compltely ignore him after that, and now you want to go back to just being friends with him again? Sorry but you have been messing him about what do you expect. Im kinda suprised he's even talking to you at all still. Clearly he does like you, talk to him again, apologise for your behaviour and see if you can start over if thats what you really want. Otherwise, leave the poor guy alone and stop messing with his head. Or better still get your own issues sorted.

holyhead

OP I think you need to deal with the issues from your abusive relationship. These issues are obviously hindering your ability to have normal relationship with guys you have met since. Therefore it is logical to assume that until you get your head around the issues that cause you to show yourself in an unfavourable light, then you'll run into this scenario time and again. If it requires counselling so be it. Do what it takes or?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.
I've realised how badly I've treated men and in particular this one,this has come to light and now i'm trying to right this wrong and correct my past mistake.

"Clearly he does like you, talk to him again, apologise for your behaviour and see if you can start over if thats what you really want"

This is what I am trying to do,I want to apologise to him for what happened between us.
He text me this evening arranging to meet up next week so I'm going to do just that and see how it goes. I want him back as a friend and for him to know how sorry I am as to how badly Ive treated him and before it is said I'm not expecting it to be ok and for it be be back normal between us again,good friendships take time which Im willing to put in.

I am a friend

But you need to know if you wantjust friendship or a relationship with him.

LegacyUser

I am a friend wrote: »

But you need to know if you wantjust friendship or a relationship with him.

I do want a relationship with him,he is all i think about,but how do i approach this?

So this happened a year ago at the wedding and now it's carried on to a few weeks ago? Have you had any space to yourself in the meantime or been going out on dates and supposedly seeing the original guy all along? Because you do need to sort your head out in general I think and space is the only way to do that if you're still treating guys badly.
Maybe you could talk to someone about it just to make sure you're in a good place?

Anyway apologise when you see him, and take it from there

I am a friend

Oh I missed the fact ther wedding was a year ago....

OP,you dump anyone else you are seeing, talk to your friend and tell him you want to give it a go.... If you dont feel like you are ready for a relationship then dont go near him.

LegacyUser

bluewolf wrote: »

So this happened a year ago at the wedding and now it's carried on to a few weeks ago? Have you had any space to yourself in the meantime or been going out on dates and supposedly seeing the original guy all along? Because you do need to sort your head out in general I think and space is the only way to do that if you're still treating guys badly.
Maybe you could talk to someone about it just to make sure you're in a good place?

Anyway apologise when you see him, and take it from there

OP here,let me clarify for you, sorry.
Once we had decided to give it a go,it didnt last long,two weeks is all and then it got cold between us. The wedding was last october,and since then there have been texts to and from him but not at all to the same extent as before. In the last year I havent been going out with anyone (just on odd dates) and I havent treated anyone badly since this episode cos I knew I had been a superb!tch to him and wasnt going to put anyone through that again. I've had my space and I'm well shot of any issues I had but he has always been in my head but when I bumped into him two weeks ago there was still a spark between us and I want him back in my life.
I'm going to apologise to him but should I just lay all my cards out on the table when I do?

I am a friend

Hope again wrote: »

I'm going to apologise to him but should I just lay all my cards out on the table when I do?

Yep go for it.