Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional..

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

Does anyone know anything about groups help in Dublin on adult children of alcoholics or dystunctional families?

I dont come from a family with alcohol problems but have heard it would be could to go through the 12 steps if you have been through a hard time with a parent.

If anyone has any advise on this please let me know.

Thanks.

SlimCi

Contact Al Anon and they should be able to direct you to where you can get a meeting to suit you.

Morag

http://allone.com/12/aca/

qwertytlk

Al anon would be the type of thing i think your looking for. It is similar to aa/na except it is for the family members/friends of people suffering addictions.

username123

I am the adult child of an alcoholic and I went to Alanon a number of years ago and it literally saved my life. I was extremely ill, physically and emotionally from the stress of living with active alcoholism and Alanon gave me the support I needed to detach from the situation and live my own life again. I became able to cope and deal with the situation in a healthy non dysfunctional way.

I cannot recommend it highly enough.

Theres also a place in Dun Laoghaire, The Hanly Centre that runs courses for ACOA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) - they used to anyway, I think they run for around 8 weeks, its basically group therapy to deal with the issues of growing up in an alcoholic home. I never did the course myself, but know people who did and they found it very helpful. Within the course they recommend the people go to Alanon - which is how I met people who did it.

There are Alanon meetings all over Dublin, theyre all a bit different but all much the same in terms of the help and support you get. I have been to ones in a few different Dublin locations and found them all very very helpful.

Here is a list of Dublin meetings.

LegacyUser

Thank you so much for that.

A therapist recommended I go to these meetings. I was a bit unsure as my parents are not alcoholics but he feels it would help me deal with my issues with my parent.

Was there people there who had other issues going on with their parents (not alcohol related)? Also what kind of things did it cover?

The therapist thinks I should do this first before dealing with my social anxiety, anyone heard of or have experienced something similar?

username123

Anybody know of.. wrote: »

A therapist recommended I go to these meetings. I was a bit unsure as my parents are not alcoholics but he feels it would help me deal with my issues with my parent.

The 'official' qualifying criteria to go to a meeting is to have been affected by someone elses drinking at some point, practically every Irish person would be able to qualify for that!! However in practice people go for all sorts of reasons.

Anybody know of.. wrote: »

Was there people there who had other issues going on with their parents (not alcohol related)? Also what kind of things did it cover

Yeah there was. A few examples, there was a lady whose husband was very dysfunctional, he didnt drink, but one of his parents had been an alcoholic and he had a lot of dysfunctional behaviours so after reading Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood, which recommends Alanon if there is no specific therapy group available in your area for a particular dysfunctional behaviour she came to Alanon and it helped her a lot. There was another lady who felt that her interactions with the world were off kilter, that she was super attuned to stress and tension and was always afraid of causing offence or not interacting correctly - again, there was dysfunction in her childhood and she had never learned proper social interaction or things like healthy conflict resolution. All people were made welcome for whatever reason they were there. There were a few alcoholics who also attended AA. They attended AA for their own alcoholism and Alanon for their dysfunctional childhoods - in some cases their parents werent alcoholics but were dysfunctional.

It kind of covers a whole range of things, the format is that a person begins the meeting by 'sharing' their story and then the meeting is open and anyone is free to speak. A lot of people pick up on the original theme, so for example if the opening person speaks about some issue that can end up being talked about by a number of people. Its really just people sharing their experiences and coping mechanisms, you kind of learn as you go what behaviours are dysfunctional and why and how best to address that. I personally needed the support while living in a very stress filled active alcoholism situation, but years later when I was no longer in that situation I was still learning new skills, conflict resolution was one of mine, Id learned that conflict was resolved by bullying and aggression and if that didnt work to cut the person out - I had to learn how to actually resolve conflict in a constructive manner. Different people have different requirements in terms of what they learn or find useful.

Anybody know of.. wrote: »

The therapist thinks I should do this first before dealing with my social anxiety, anyone heard of or have experienced something similar?

Id do it if I were you. It onle takes an hour to go and its free (bar a voluntary donation of a couple of euro), you dont have to speak or say anything, you can listen and see what you think. Its worth a try for an hour of your life eh? If you dont try youll never know!

LegacyUser

Again thank you for getting back to me, it puts my mind at ease. Its just Ive tried a few different groups including Social anxiety groups that didnt really help and Im afraid to try another one.

But maybe this is the missing link, I never really knew my problems could be down to my dysfunctional relationship with my father.

You have put my mind at ease that at least I dont have to speak and can just listen. I find my memories are all a bit jumbled up and hazy, also Ive tried to block a lot of it out I suppose.

Is there any group in particular that you would recommend or should I just try my local group?

I felt I went to an Recovery meeting before and it wasnt for me at all, the age of the group was quite old and I felt I couldnt relate to the problems being spoken about but hopefully this will be different. Also there was only 4 people there, it was quite intense.

I suppose I just have to try it and see..

Could I ask one more question is religion a big part of it?

lolo62

i think theres a support group for relatives of people suffering with depression in st. pats also....since 'depression' at this stage is kind of an umbrella term that might be worth looking into..

i was thinking of it myself for a while

Morag

www.aware.ie

they have depression related meetings all over the country.

username123

If its Alanon you wish to try, then Id say try one of the bigger meetings (closer to city centre or in hospitals usually bigger ones), its easier to 'hide' in the group and just listen to try it out!! I used to go to one in John of Gods hospital in Stillorgan, its a reasonably large one. Also ones in Dublin city centre, near Abbey St, they are large as well. I personally preferred larger meetings as in a small one, if no one in the group has a situation or feelings you can relate to then its not as helpful, more likely to hear something that you relate to in a bigger group.

No, religion isnt a big part although some people cant get past the higher power idea. I myself am an atheist and it didnt bother me at all. Its about spirituality, not religion. You can totally ignore all that just to go and have a listen and see is it for you though.

There will be many different dysfunctional relationships and situations addressed and spoken about, husband/wife, child/parent/ sibling etc.....
You may need to go to a few meetings to hear something that really resonates with you, but there is usually a wide age group so you tend to get a wide mix of discussion.

You dont need to be afraid to go and try it out, you can remain completely anonymous and more or less invisible, you dont have to interact with anyone, you can just go in, sit at the back, listen, leave. People WILL be friendly and offer a smile, nod, hello - but members are well used to shy or stressed people coming who dont want to interact - thats fine.

The hardest part first time is walking in, after that you realise that you can just relax and listen. New people are sometimes asked to introduce themselves, but NOT asked why they are there. So someone might say 'do we have any new members tonight' at which people put their hands up and are welcomed. Sometimes the welcome is just a 'welcome to the new members' sometimes its a 'whats your name', you say 'its whatever' and the person says 'a welcome to whatever' - thats the max interaction, if it even happens, its name only, you might be asked if you wish to speak, its perfectly ok to just say no thanks - loads of people pass on speaking in any particular meeting, not just new people!

whisperer11

Hi,

The Hanly Centre in Dun Laoghaire run the Break the Cycle programme. It is for people who have grown up in home where alcohol was abused or where there were other types of family of origin difficulties (they use the word adversity). Level one is an introduction. It is delivered in an educational format. Level 2 and 3 consists of group work with level 3 being delivered in a 12 step format. Level four is an open ended group which helps people continue to learn and use their new skills and to continue with their personal development. Have a look at their website -www.thehanlycentre.com they have details of what their clients have said about it. Worth a try.
Good luck!

LegacyUser

So I went to my first meeting of ACOA, it was pretty daunting. As my problem with my father isnt primarily to do with alcohol I felt a little bit of an impostor. Everyone seemed very nice, although everyones story mostly had to do with an abusive partner due to alcoholic, I felt I could relate to some of it.

I feel afraid someone is going to ask me why Im there and I wont know what to say. As I said earlier I suffer from social anxiety and general low self esteem and the psychologist I was going to see told me I should try this first.

Anyway anyone thinking of going should go as the earlier poster said you can just slip in and sit at the back. Its only an hour also which I like.

I really hope it helps me with my SA. Thanks for the replies everyone.

username123

Anybody know of... wrote: »

I feel afraid someone is going to ask me why Im there and I wont know what to say. As I said earlier I suffer from social anxiety and general low self esteem and the psychologist I was going to see told me I should try this first.

Well done on going!!

On above, if anyone asks why you are there you can just say that you have issues with a dysfunctional parent/child relationship and your therapist suggested you try this group for support on those issues. Thats it! No one will judge.

SlimCi

Thats great, you've taken the hardest step and no doubt it will help you greatly in many different ways.....best of luck with it:D