Why does every guy I get to know end up talking sexually to me?

LegacyUser

Every guy I start to have regular contact with ends up always turning our conversations sexual! This happens with guys I don't fancy and even worse, with guys I do like! Its always really disappointing when it happens as they end up sounding sleazy!

These aren't random guys I've met on the internet or anything, I've met every one of them through friends, hobbies, nights out etc.

Everything always starts normal enough and then this happens every time, without fail! Even the ones I show no romantic interest in do this and they always try to get with me!
I am not a prude at all and of course I like to flirt a bit, just not in such a full on manner with guys I don't know well enough! It makes me feel uncomfortable.

What am I doing wrong? Why can't I find a nice guy?

holyhead

At the risk of being hammered over the head with a frying pan , do you dress demurely or in a way which invites attention of a smutty vairety?

yomamasflavour

What am I doing wrong? Why can't I find a nice guy?

So you want a guy who doesn't want to chat you up?

LegacyUser

Hi OP

I am in total agreement with you. The same happens me, general chit-chat then followed by how they are gym buffs with their own mini gyms at home..followed by any pics eh?? no harm with chatting up etc why would I want to send a pic to someone who "promises" they will delete straight away?? I don't think so!

Kimia

It's hard to believe that these guys would randomly out of the blue start talking sexually to you. People don't just blurt stuff like that out - they have to be misunderstanding your intentions with them.

Are you sure there has been no flirting, no way they could possibly ever think you were interested?

LegacyUser

my friend done the same thing to me a few weeks ago. We have lost of normal stuff in common that we could chat about but initially he starts of with dirty chat..as in a weird way.
He does not know I secretly like him for the past 3 years but does he or (and other guys like in your situation) find it easier to chat dirty if they like you that they struggle to make civilized normal conversation or are they just weird and have only one thing on their minds 24/7?????

LegacyUser

Thanks for all of your replies!

why-oh-why wrote: »

Hi OP

I am in total agreement with you. The same happens me, general chit-chat then followed by how they are gym buffs with their own mini gyms at home..followed by any pics eh?? no harm with chatting up etc why would I want to send a pic to someone who "promises" they will delete straight away?? I don't think so!

This is the sort of thing that I am talking about. I don't find this an attractive way of being "chatted up". Surely a guy could actually get to know you properly before having sexy conversations?
Like I said before I'm not a prude, this just makes me uncomfortable when I hardly know the guys doing it.
I would'nt say I dress particulary slutty and actually I wouldn't say I'm inviting the behavior either as I'm rather shy, especially with strangers. I have been told by people including friends and family that I have a really nice figure (don't see this myself)..... maybe men like that?

I am also young (early twenties) and already have a child. A friend said guys might view this as me being a slut or that I'm up for it which is not the case! Don't know if there is any truth in that theory!

foxyboxer

So basically you'd rather they express their sexuality physically as opposed to verbally?

They seem to be "testing the waters" so to speak to gauge your reaction.
Alternatively just say "I'm not comfortable with this topic of conversation"

foxyboxer

Any chance of posting what is actually being said?
As opposed to generic - sexy chat, dirty talk expressions.

It would be easier to judge if their being crude or not.

Payton

Have you asked the guys during the conversation why they are talking to you or feel the need to talk like that?

LegacyUser

on the verge wrote: »

Have you asked the guys during the conversation why they are talking to you or feel the need to talk like that?

No, I normally just tell them I'm not interested if I don't like them. If I did like them at first, I normally just stop talking to them... I find it such a turn off!

Normally its stuff like a poster already said and asking for naked pictures etc. Ill see if I can find some actual examples to post.

I don't see why they would be in such a rush to express their sexuality either verbally or physically. Is it not possible to get to know a girl through nice, normal coversation before starting this kind of thing? These are normally fellas I have only just met or don't know very well. Like I already said I'm not prudish at all, its just comes across as odd if you don't know the guy well enough. Also is it not possible for a man to express his interest in a girl without being crude?

Payton

God only knows why they are asking for naked pix!! TBH I've never heard of something like that where "every guy" is basically the same, and that's a male point of view.
Something your possiby doing/saying/acting is instigation the tone of the conversations.

Floppybits

Sickofsleazyguys wrote: »

No, I normally just tell them I'm not interested if I don't like them. If I did like them at first, I normally just stop talking to them... I find it such a turn off!

Normally its stuff like a poster already said and asking for naked pictures etc. Ill see if I can find some actual examples to post.

I don't see why they would be in such a rush to express their sexuality either verbally or physically. Is it not possible to get to know a girl through nice, normal coversation before starting this kind of thing? These are normally fellas I have only just met or don't know very well. Like I already said I'm not prudish at all, its just comes across as odd if you don't know the guy well enough. Also is it not possible for a man to express his interest in a girl without being crude?

OP, are these online conversations or are they conversations down the pub or nightclub?

The reason why I ask is that I notice people are bit more, hmm how do I say this nicely, straightforward or rude online than they would be face to face. I cant believe this is happening in the pub or night club or maybe I am just getting to old and people think it is ok to ask for stuff like this while chatting some one up.

I am a friend

Yeah when I was last out on the 'scene' I noticed the same and it was a real turnoff.

I put it down to guys, who only wanted a physical relationship, laying their cards on the table. It always put me off them but I was glad of the heads up that that was what they were like. Don't take it personally.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Could be being too nice or don't come across as being confident in yourself.

I don't particularly agree with the suggestion that it may be how you dress. This kind of thing doesn't happen much to assertive girls who dress provocatively because the guys who engage in this nonsense are more often than not cowardly prats.

beks101

Yeah you mentioned them 'asking for pics', which suggests much of these interactions are happening online, which wouldn't be such a rare thing to be honest. I've had 'friends' and guys I don't know do the same - it's the easiest medium to be crass and forward like that because the repercussions aren't the same as if she's standing right in front of you.

I'd usually just use it as a gauge of what the guy in question is looking for - it's blatantly obvious they want sex and sex only and would be quite happy to set up a f buddy thing with you. It doesn't sound like this is what you're after, so all you have to do is say this - 'I'm not going to have sex with you and these conversations don't do anything for me to be honest'. If they persist after that, well then you have a problem. Otherwise it's just guys chancing their arm and you deal with that by being assertive.

Distorted

foxyboxer wrote: »

So basically you'd rather they express their sexuality physically as opposed to verbally?

They seem to be "testing the waters" so to speak to gauge your reaction.
Alternatively just say "I'm not comfortable with this topic of conversation"

If you've never been subjected to this sort of guff, you obviously don't appreciate how inappropriate it can be. Funnily enough, many women don't want to immediately launch into sex chat with someone they have not yet become intimate with. There are many more ways of expressing interest than launching into a verbal description of the process involved and talking smut.

OP - this type of man is easy to filter out. Basically, nice guys who respect you don't, those who are good relationship material don't either, its the chancers and the not too discerning. You have to make value judgements as to who you are going to give the time of day to. With practise, its really easy to sift out the dodgy ones. They somehow manage to carry a certain whiff of sleaze around with them, whether its their appearance, the way they look at you, the way they look at other women, the type of language they use, the things they say (or don't say), and also the attitude you give off (don't be too eager to please/gullible).

ash23

Thank god, it's not just me!
It's happened to me so many times.
I had been out of the dating scene for a while and was gobsmacked when I got back into it.
These weren't online things either. These were guys I had lovely, normal chats with, swapped numbers, maybe had a kiss. I give my number thinking it will lead to a date and instead it leads to a series of "how's things?" texts, followed by out and out porn basically.
It's just so offputting.

At first I just thought I was out of touch but now I realise they're just pigs. I'm all for some sexting when I'm in a sexual relationship with someone which has been established. But for some buck I met once to tell me to send him pics of my tits....:rolleyes:

Having said that, they're not all like that obviously. And the ones who are aren't worth the price of the text in which I would tell them to get lost, so they are met with silence.
Oh and don't be fooled when after the silence you get a "you know that was a joke right? I'm so sorry if I offended you". If you reply to that, you'll get a few more nice texts before the porn ones start again.

binxeo

Sickofsleazyguys wrote: »

Every guy I start to have regular contact with ends up always turning our conversations sexual! This happens with guys I don't fancy and even worse, with guys I do like! Its always really disappointing when it happens as they end up sounding sleazy!

These aren't random guys I've met on the internet or anything, I've met every one of them through friends, hobbies, nights out etc.

Everything always starts normal enough and then this happens every time, without fail! Even the ones I show no romantic interest in do this and they always try to get with me!
I am not a prude at all and of course I like to flirt a bit, just not in such a full on manner with guys I don't know well enough! It makes me feel uncomfortable.

What am I doing wrong? Why can't I find a nice guy?

Firstly guys and girls can't be just friends and this is exactly why.

Secondly, if you are looking for a guy to become more then a friend every guys is going to pick up on that and guys being guys they will express themselves as subtly as a tonne of bricks. I reckon if anything you are doing wrong it is letting them know either consciously or unconsciously that you are looking and that is going to gain a reaction.

LegacyUser

Guys are always told how a girl will love it if you can make them laugh BUT often fail to realise the difference between guys' and girls' senses of humour.

Do you watch the inbetweeners? plenty of girls find that hilarious but very few realise how true to life it is.

Also these interactions are happening over text - a medium which is renowned for being confusing in terms of tone etc..

You need to be more proactive in letting these guys know you like them. Otherwise they will continue to escalate the 'sleaziness' until they get a response

Of course, the guys looking for pictures probably are just sleazes

Isolt

This happens to me a lot. In fact, I've never really had a male friend who hasn't at some stage come onto me. Even guys I know who are in a relationship have made comments before. I think men are just opportunistic like that and I don't think they mean any harm but in my opinion, they are always on the look out for some fun. Even if you're just a friend.

I think it's sad to say but I firmly believe men and women cannot just be friends.

Please Kill Me

binxeo wrote: »

Firstly guys and girls can't be just friends and this is exactly why.

Couldn't agree more!! It's already been said in other threads but people still don't seem to get it.

3857483957849343258 wrote: »

Do you watch the inbetweeners? plenty of girls find that hilarious but very few realise how true to life it is.

Pure rubbish!! But unfortuantely yes - it's so close to the truth it's NOT funny!!

Isolt wrote: »

I think it's sad to say but I firmly believe men and women cannot just be friends.

Again, I couldn't agree more. I've always maintained that. Someday people WILL realise this. :rolleyes:

Isolt

Isolt wrote: »

I think it's sad to say but I firmly believe men and women cannot just be friends.

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

just because a few of you seem incapable of having friends of the opposite sex doesn't mean the rest of us are the same

Ickle Magoo

The crass generalisations being thrown about by the OP and other posters have moved this thread well beyond the realms of advice on a personal issue - as well as being generally annoying/flaming it is also in breach of forum charter and as such, I'm locking the thread. Please be aware that there are other more appropriate forums for debating opinions on general behaviours.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.