Trying to meet someone at 70yrs??

rainbows7

I know some of you may laugh but it's for my dad. My Mom died a few years ago and he is so lonely and down since, making his life worse. He would love to meet somebody. He plays bingo which is great (as he never wants to leave the house) but because he is so quiet and shy he would be slow to start a conversation with anyone. I'm just wondering does anyone have recommendations on how or where he would start. Even if it was just for company. He's 70 but looks 60:) He would kill me if he knew I was doing this!
Tks for any feedback..

Norma_Desmond

Try the Irelands Own magazine, I know there is a section on the back page where mainly older people look for pen pals that they write to and strike up a friendship. I think that it would be a good place for your father to find some company.
Good luck!

Firetrap

Does he have any friends you could chat to? People who could invite him to go out with him to different things?

coco_lola

I would second the Ireland's Own thing. My grandmother regularly reads those pages, and has found a very nice man just to spend time with from it

I am a friend

Check your local library for seniors groups e.g. bowls etc... He will have an outlet and make friends of all sexes...

Miss Fluff

Aw I don't think anyone would laugh.He is only 70, to my mind that is still young and isn't he lucky he has someone like you looking out for him? I think the suggestions above are great, although if he has an interest like hill walking or something and can join a local club, all the better

up for anything

There is this but it's based in Dublin. There's an over 50s ladies version only too, but the link is for both women and men. A friend's mother started it up in order to meet people. The fact that it is for friendship and it's a group thing might make it less daunting for him than something purely romantic. It might also make it easier for you to broach the subject with him.

50+

Firetrap

Are there any active retirement groups in your area? There's one in the town where I'm from and they seem to be pretty good at doing different things. I'm just thinking that broaching the subject of personal ads in Ireland's Own might be a step too far for your dad. I know that it would be an extremely tricky subject to bring up with my own dad who's around the same age.

prinz

hazel111 wrote: »

I know some of you may laugh but it's for my dad.

Why would someone laugh?

hazel111 wrote: »

My Mom died a few years ago and he is so lonely and down since, making his life worse. He would love to meet somebody. He plays bingo which is great (as he never wants to leave the house) but because he is so quiet and shy he would be slow to start a conversation with anyone

That's a great start. My dad would be about the same age and tbh if he was alone I don't think he'd ever leave the house. As long as he had sky sports etc he'd never meet anyone new. So getting out at all is a great start.

hazel111 wrote: »

I'm just wondering does anyone have recommendations on how or where he would start..

Would he be interested in night classes? I know my local school does night classes which tends to appeal to the older audience; family tree investigating, bridge, chess, silver surfer computer classes etc. Is he religious? Many parishes organise pilgrimages etc to Lourdes for example which tend to attract the age group he may fit into. There are even non-religious tour groups that he could join, mediterranean cruises with groups of older folk.

Emme

up for anything wrote: »

There is this but it's based in Dublin. There's an over 50s ladies version only too, but the link is for both women and men. A friend's mother started it up in order to meet people. The fact that it is for friendship and it's a group thing might make it less daunting for him than something purely romantic. It might also make it easier for you to broach the subject with him.

50+

I think this would be the best thing for him. People are friendly in those groups so he's bound to make new friends. If he wants something more there will be plenty of women up for it and nice women too.

Beruthiel

hazel111 wrote: »

He's 70 but looks 60:) He would kill me if he knew I was doing this!

Does he have a computer?
My 72 year old Dad has an apple mac and is on it on a daily basis.
Not sure what he does on it, but I get e-mails with jokes, e-mails with pics etc.
He books hols on it. etc
We have an [url=http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1480[/url]Oulwans 'n' Ouldfellas[/url] forum. They might have ideas for you.

Does your Dad have any hobbies?
When my Dad retired he didn't know what to do with himself, so, he bought a 30 year old massey ferguson tractor, took the whole thing apart, put it back together again and now it's driving perfectly.
He is also part of a cycling group who do 50k++ on a weekly basis.

My Mother does classes. She does art classes and is at present learning the tin whistle and guitar.
Her art is amazing and that talent only came to light in her 60s. She had never tried it before. She is at the stage where she sometimes sells a painting.

So, your Dad could get online. Do some classes.
He could also try a volunteer group like the Vincent De Paul.

username123

Ive a friend who lost his wife and a couple of years later hooked up with a new lady - and he was 76 at the time. He had LOADS of women after him, there seems to be more ladies around at that age than men (or maybe more ladies out and about socialising).

Anyway, he was big into art and music so he used to go to art galleries and musical stuff (like choirs) and a walking club as well and the women loved him. He was constantly getting asked to lunch or to escort some lucky lady to some event. When he eventually hooked up properly (as in boyfriend and girlfriend), there was quite a bit of upset with some other ladies as they had been hoping for a look in!

Id never laugh at someone older looking for a bit of companionship or love, why would you stop wanting to be with someone else just because you were older?

I also know a 99 year old man whose current chick is only 78 - lot of raised eyebrows at him hooking up with such a young one!

rainbows7

Thank you all so much for your replies. What I didn't add was my Dad's favourite word is NO! I ask him out several times to different places but he just loves to say no all the time. He doesn't really have friends due to going no where and simply declining to all who asks him anywhere. Gets so frustrating for me. He won't join any other group, one is enough for him and that was massive alone for him to have joined. He is very old fashioned and stuck in his own ways. I've tried suggesting a night course for computers but I got the usual NO.
I found Ireland's Own Magazine, turns out he has been writing the adds himself which is great but..his wording in the add was so wrong, especially when he's a big cuddly farmer teddy bear...he has high expectations of this ideal woman, I don't think he is even aware or understands what he is really asking for. He really needs help with re-phrasing but how I approach this is beyond me! Especially considering it's a very private matter that you wouldn't want your daughter knowing about! Too proud and private to ask for help!

username123

You sound really nice. Why dont you just broach the subject with him gently and offer to help him write an ad?
It doesnt matter that its a private thing, you could bring conversation round to him finding a way of meeting some new people and say youve heard people use Irelands Own for it - nothing about what you already know.

Beruthiel

hazel111 wrote: »

Thank you all so much for your replies. What I didn't add was my Dad's favourite word is NO! I ask him out several times to different places but he just loves to say no all the time.

Does he ever give you a reason for saying no?
Were my Dad to act like this I'd probably say: ffs Dad you're not dead yet, get up off your arse and do something with the rest of your life.
We're not subtle in my family so I could say that. You could try a more watered down version of it.

He's probably missing your Mam and not feeling like anything is worth the effort?

LegacyUser

i'm not sure where in mayo you are, but if your dad is into 'country dancing', there's loads of these things going on around mayo. the merry monk in ballina i know does it on a weekly basis, and i know of a few people around your dad's age that have gone and made good friends, and one guy who's now met a girlfriend! from what he was telling me there's a lot of people in your dad's situation there, either widowed or divorced and taking that first step back into getting to know new people again.

my mum is about the same age as your dad and she's gotten a whole new lease of life from the active age group in her area. she's always at something with them, painting, bowling, cinema, daytrips, weekends away in the summer, and the rest! like your dad she'd be fond of the word no and staying at home feeling sorry for herself. it was a friend of hers that started going on and on about the great craic she was having at these things so she tagged along and that was the last we've seen of her!! ;-)

aidan24326

username123 wrote: »

He had LOADS of women after him, there seems to be more ladies around at that age than men (or maybe more ladies out and about socialising)

There would be with women having a longer life expectancy.

ppink

hazel111 wrote: »

Thank you all so much for your replies. What I didn't add was my Dad's favourite word is NO! I ask him out several times to different places but he just loves to say no all the time. He doesn't really have friends due to going no where and simply declining to all who asks him anywhere. Gets so frustrating for me. He won't join any other group, one is enough for him and that was massive alone for him to have joined. He is very old fashioned and stuck in his own ways. I've tried suggesting a night course for computers but I got the usual NO.
I found Ireland's Own Magazine, turns out he has been writing the adds himself which is great but..his wording in the add was so wrong, especially when he's a big cuddly farmer teddy bear...he has high expectations of this ideal woman, I don't think he is even aware or understands what he is really asking for. He really needs help with re-phrasing but how I approach this is beyond me! Especially considering it's a very private matter that you wouldn't want your daughter knowing about! Too proud and private to ask for help!

did you see where a lot of places now have these "man sheds", for retired men to meet up, have a chat and do some hobbywork. not sure if there would be any near him but maybe you could try to start one if not? it is a great idea for those on their own. it is only men thought no women but would be a good social outlet for him

rainbows7

You're right! I should say something that blunt. Tks