Completey thrown

LegacyUser

My boyfriend broke up with me three weeks ago and I'm finding it very hard to get over it. We were only together a short while but we got close.
Ive had boyfriends before and never felt strongly about them. I love him and it felt different to other relationships. And I knew we were on the same page feelings wise(the way he acted and what he said).... until he broke up with me out of the blue with a stupid excuse (which I know is a lie.)

What I am about to ask is going to get a few sniggers and sympathetic shakes of the head etc but, how do I get him back?

I am so mad at him but at the same time, it hasnt sat right with me, the whole thing. Something just isnt right. None of it makes sense. We were great and people are shocked it ever happened.

I'm not in denial. It was very random.
I am waking up these days, in hope that today will be different. He will regret it and call. It hasnt happened yet.

Firetrap

Don't do anything. Sometimes people assume that just because they were blissfully happy, that their other half felt exactly the same. It doesn't matter one bit what other people thought or what you thought. The bottom line on this is that your boyfriend did break up with you and has not come back in the last 3 weeks to say it was a horrible mistake. The sooner you accept that it's over, the sooner you can get over the break up.

I am a friend

Yeah OP, your best chance of getting him back is by doing nothing... This will give him the chance to miss you and if he doesnt then there is your answer...

I wouldnt dream of breaking up with my OH cos I would not take the chance that he would move on or else be snapped up when it was off.. So if your ex loved you enough, why would he take that chance with you?

Move on and keep your chin up. Plenty more fish etc

LegacyUser

He said he meant everything he said. So if he did, why give up on us?
I did nothing but be a good girlfriend and he was great too. Then it all was thrown in my face?
Why not try and work it out with me, not by himself?
I just feel like I'm not worth the effort... not good enough for any guy to try?

He's been avoiding me and darting out of sight since. Very "mature"....

Firetrap

People will say all sorts of stuff because it sounds like the thing to say. It's horseshi!t. Talk is cheap. I am a big believer in actions speaking louder than words. Bottom line is - he dumped you. He's avoiding you and darting out of sight - a very clear indication that he really doesn't want to see you or talk to you.

You say too that you were only together a short while. Methinks you're getting a bit ahead of yourself here. I've no doubt that you were really into him but you have got to accept that he didn't feel the same way. There is no point in saying that you were a great girlfriend and that you were wonderful together. Bluntly - if he agreed you'd still be together.

LegacyUser

It's disheartening, the lot of it
I thought, "Finally I got my first proper boyfriend" - But nope, got caught out, again.
Ive been hurt and messed around before. And I thought he was different. I knew the other guys were bad but I took a chance on him despite vowing I didnt want a boyfriend for a while.
Now, I'm f*cking up college, my other relationships etc going around constantly upset and crying in private.

Why would he be avoiding me etc? I just would be walking around college? Im not a pyscho And its making me feel a little bit, alienated?
Isnt what hes doing a bit immature though? Literally, darting behind walls and into buildings? Would he not just be civil? After all if he wasnt hurt himself, wouldnt he not care if im there or not? Its so weird and reminds me of secondary school.
I am a year older than him in fairness.

musicinyou

mustbedumb wrote: »

It's disheartening, the lot of it
I thought, "Finally I got my first proper boyfriend" - But nope, got caught out, again.
Ive been hurt and messed around before. And I thought he was different. I knew the other guys were bad but I took a chance on him despite vowing I didnt want a boyfriend for a while.
Now, I'm f*cking up college, my other relationships etc going around constantly upset and crying in private.

Why would he be avoiding me etc? I just would be walking around college? Im not a pyscho And its making me feel a little bit, alienated?
Isnt what hes doing a bit immature though? Literally, darting behind walls and into buildings? Would he not just be civil? After all if he wasnt hurt himself, wouldnt he not care if im there or not? Its so weird and reminds me of secondary school.
I am a year older than him in fairness.

look you gotta ask yourself the question, youve seen the bad side of him, is that someone you want to be with? it doesnt sound like someone who could be trusted when you need him the most! , someone that can hide when they seen you coming, its very strange and in my opinion your best off away from him! somebody on here once posted a comment to a relationship prob i was having at the time, il never forget the words because they were brilliant " the power of a relationship lies in the hands of who wants it less" your young, pick up the books and let work guide you through, dont waste time on someone who doesnt want to give you any! have some pride, move on and leave the looser behind you! and in a short space of time this will all be a memory. now get to class and learn more than you did yest!!

best of luck

LegacyUser

I considered he might have cheated on me as he used to go out alot without me!
He told me there was never another girl and he didnt break up with me for another girl.
Feelings dont change overnight like that.... Literally overnight! We were great the day before!

Maybe Im just not good enough for any guy to stick around. My last ex was the same. Can anyone tell me what makes a girl good enough to stick with? Cause I learnt from the last ex! I followed peoples advice from here and I went and did stuff, developed confidence, changed up my looks positively, got a new job, new course and I when I meet this guy, I had it all going on! He was astonished at all my job offers, how "great" I was. I was not once negative, was friendly to his friends(even though some were horrible from the get go), was happy and brought all the goodness to the table!

I'm such a "lovely fantastic girl" (patronising line used during break up) I got dumped. Again. Simply not worth the effort.

Now, he wont look at me and is hiding anytime Im around or passing. Making me feel like I broke his heart? Ive gone to college, like every other day, presentable, walking with confidence - its not like im giving him a reason to hide, as if ive tears streaming down my face around college.
He broke up with me. Therefore, he shouldnt feel anything when he see's me. Shouldnt he be at least civil? Shouldnt he be going around delighted hes single?

musicinyou

have you considered the fact your trying to hard!! just be yourself. be cool, when your yourself your relaxed, there could be a million reasons why he doesnt want to be with you. but the reality is, hes gone!!

look I honestly feel it doesnt matter what people on here say, you on a one way line of thinking! let it go and move on! simples. your sounding desperado a little to be honest! you changed you self and your life for this guy, maybe you changed too much?

LegacyUser

I think you took me up wrong. I never changed. I focused on my assets while single and got a life as I had been dumped before I met him. Fast forward few months, I meet him and I had everything going for me. Thats what I meant. I was myself the whole time. I was in a good place but now Im rattled.
Should of been clearer sorry guys!

allovertheshop

Mustbedumb,

I know it's hard to hear it but I have to agree with all the other posters...actions speak louder than words. If he wanted to be with you, he would. He obviously doesn't if he hasn't been in contact and is avoiding you. He obviously knows that he was messing you around and wasn't as into you as you thought he was.

You need to move on, forget about him and jsut get on with college and life. You'll never find anyone else if you're still hung up on him and other guys will pick up on this fact.

It will get better, but only when you want it to

LegacyUser

I just feel so dumb for not foreseeing it. But there were no signs. AT ALL.

I cant shake the feeling the problem is with me. I did something. He insisted it wasnt anything to do with me. If so, why not take space and figure it out, instead of quitting on us?
Still in shock and confused. The fact I thought I was wiser after the boyfriend from last year, only to be standing gobsmacked again?!!?

... Just a thought but, are guys easily manipulated by their friends who are girls? Only just, he had a close female friend and I didnt like her at all cause I got a bad bad vibe and she was very rude. She used to always deliberately put herself in our way etc etc. I am a people person, get on with everyone, bar the minority.
I think she might of known I didnt like her. Anyway, since we broke up, shes been on him like a fever.
Like, whatever, if hes foolish enough. But... can guys be easily manipulated into breaking up with a girl?
I'm sure people would agree thats not fair on me either?
We barely had a chance at developing the relationship.

I am a friend

OP anything is possiblke but no one here can tell you why he has walked away. You dont even know yourself. You seem to be obsessing and you need to let go. He is not coming back and you are only hurting yourself by stewing over it.

Big Bag of Chips

Yes... possibly he was manipulated by her... but what can you do about that?

If he is the sort of fella to let others make his decision for him... what are you going to do about that?

If that IS what happened, and you get back with him... what are you going to do to stop it happening again? Set yourself up in competition with her? Both of you pulling him in different directions?

You can't make him want to go out with you... he either feels something "special" for you, or he doesn't.

Firetrap

Look, there is absolutely nothing to be gained by going over this again and again and again. The bottom line is that he didn't like you as much as you like him. If he did, he'd not have been swayed by the opinions of others, he'd not have dumped you and he'd not be skulking around trying to avoid you. Fact.

Katgurl

Listen OP I know you're hurting but you need to accept that it's over. Yes your ex could have behaved more maturely but he is entitled to leave you. You never really know what's going on with another person, he could be into someone else, not over an ex, not into a relationship, not into THIS relationship. You need to accept his decision and leave it. He is not obligated to give your relationship a proper go if he doesn't want to.

Stop taking it personally. 99% of the time it isn't.