Can't get him out of my mind

LegacyUser

As the title suggests I can't get a certain guy out of my head. I did post about this before but the problem just won't go away. We knew each other years ago and got on really well. Him and the group of people he was friends with are really cool people, mostly and I really enjoyed spending time with them so not sure if i'm just missing what he represents, ie a more fun time in my life? I did fancy him like mad and would love spending time with him etc, though think he is probably way out of my league. We did end up together a couple of times. I have only ran into him once in the last few years and he's been on my mind quite a bit since. I've had a couple of dreams about him etc. To be honest don't think this guy has any interest in a friendship or anything else. For a start we are both in a relationship. Secondly if I told him any of this I would look completely dolally. So, how do I forget about him, move on etc, stopping put him on a pedestal as if he's god or something. I need to do this for my own self esteem and confidence and to live my own life. Should I delete from FB etc?

ahal

Based on my experiences with the opposite sex I would say it's easy to fall in love with a time / feeling and this will be fondly remembered but sometimes misconstrued as being in the form of the person that represents those memories, if that makes any sense. It's perfectly logical and human to want to re-enact good times, but things change and people change.

A slightly less romantic example would be as follows. I spent a lot of time in the country as a young fella, and 20 years later bought a house in a rural area with all those memories in mind. I hated it. Times had changed, the way of life in rural Ireland had changed, but I approached it with those memories. I think relationships can be the same. Possibly a sh**te analogy, but that'd be my tuppenceworth.

I think given what you've said about you both being in relationships, deletion off facebook might be a good idea. It's always great when people can remain friends, but by the sound of it the temptation is greater than friendship in this case, so I think it'd probably be a good idea.

I am a friend

Crazyinloveorjustcrazy wrote: »

we are both in a relationship

Are you happy in your own relationship? Why do you not idolise your partner?

LegacyUser

I am a friend wrote: »

Are you happy in your own relationship? Why do you not idolise your partner?

I do idolise him don't know why you think I don't.

LegacyUser

ahal wrote: »

Based on my experiences with the opposite sex I would say it's easy to fall in love with a time / feeling and this will be fondly remembered but sometimes misconstrued as being in the form of the person that represents those memories, if that makes any sense. It's perfectly logical and human to want to re-enact good times, but things change and people change.

A slightly less romantic example would be as follows. I spent a lot of time in the country as a young fella, and 20 years later bought a house in a rural area with all those memories in mind. I hated it. Times had changed, the way of life in rural Ireland had changed, but I approached it with those memories. I think relationships can be the same. Possibly a sh**te analogy, but that'd be my tuppenceworth.

I think given what you've said about you both being in relationships, deletion off facebook might be a good idea. It's always great when people can remain friends, but by the sound of it the temptation is greater than friendship in this case, so I think it'd probably be a good idea.

Thanks for your advice, there is no temptation I never really talk to this guy, I was more thinking of deleting him as it's a bit of a reminder every time I see him on there. I would never do anything to hurt my bf.

I am a friend

Crazyinloveorjustcrazy wrote: »

I do idolise him don't know why you think I don't.

From how you speak about the other guy in your original post.

LegacyUser

I am a friend wrote: »

From how you speak about the other guy in your original post.

Which is why I started this thread as I want to forget about him. I've known this guy for about 10 years though haven't seen him through much of that.

I am a friend

Crazyinloveorjustcrazy wrote: »

Which is why I started this thread as I want to forget about him. I've known this guy for about 10 years though haven't seen him through much of that.

What I am trying to get to the bottom of, is what is missing in your life that you have to fixate on someone you have barely seen in ten years. It cant be real love as you dont really know him.

are you bored?

Payton

^^^ couldn't agree more. Your both in relationships, you should be channeling your own energy in to yours and not someone who means nothing to you.
What would you do if your bf told you what your saying?

LegacyUser

on the verge wrote: »

^^^ couldn't agree more. Your both in relationships, you should be channeling your own energy in to yours and not someone who means nothing to you.
What would you do if your bf told you what your saying?

I know which is why i'm trying to forget about him.

I am a friend

Crazyinloveorjustcrazy wrote: »

I know which is why i'm trying to forget about him.

You are not answering the main issue here - what is amiss in your own relationship thats making you crave another man.

LegacyUser

I am a friend wrote: »

You are not answering the main issue here - what is amiss in your own relationship thats making you crave another man.

Its honestly nothing to do with my own relationship I know this guy a lot longer than I have been with my partner and he has always been on my mind occassionally. I think it could be his friendship I miss more than anything, confused.com.

RubyRoss

I think many people fantasise about someone they once knew even when in a relationship but when it becomes an intense longing, you have to consider what is the source of the longing that you are projecting on this ideal figure. Does that make sense?

While you might be happy in your current relationship, does this guy represent some aspect of yourself that isn't pronounced right now?

I don't think deleting him from your FB will do much to address the longing.

LegacyUser

RubyRoss wrote: »

I think many people fantasise about someone they once knew even when in a relationship but when it becomes an intense longing, you have to consider what is the source of the longing that you are projecting on this ideal figure. Does that make sense?

While you might be happy in your current relationship, does this guy represent some aspect of yourself that isn't pronounced right now?

I don't think deleting him from your FB will do much to address the longing.

Hey RubyRoss,

I guess I just have such fond memories of being around this guy and the group of friends, though its only him I miss. I got all nervy and my heart did ninety last time I seen him. I guess maybe I have him on a pedestal or something, maybe thats my own self esteem issues. He used to make comments like "Ah I love you too bits", but I always thought ah he just means this in a friendly way, not that there's anything wrong with that. Then other times he'd act like I felt like I was annoying him. It's hard to explain, maybe i've just built this up to much in my head. I just want to forget about him really and move on with my life.