Confused after break up

astras

Started seeing a girl a year ago, she had been only two months out of a 4 year relationship. We purposely took things very slowly for 3-4 months, then gradually became more of a couple, nice and easy, we both had no rush.

I was very conscious of the past and knew from friends that the other break up hurt her. We knew each other previously from college but we really blossomed now and the pace of our relationship seemed fine (we both talked openly about everything and whether we were happy with the pace etc)

We became very much an item then , meeting parents , sleeping together etc. We also did many fun things for dates, always looking to enjoy life. We had even spoken about plans for a holiday next summer, initiated by her usually.

Then before we took a holiday last month, things were slighlty amiss between us, but nothing too major, you could sense little things!!. The holiday was ok, but we were both being a bit distant from each other.

So when we met to break up two weeks ago, she explained that she felt she had never recovered from the previous break up, not had a chance to stand on her own feet. She said she's confused and annoyed at herself for not wanting to be with me because everything had always been great, and dosent know whats going on. She wants to be on her own she says etc. She was in bits, far more upset than I. She said she thought she was ok in the relationship all the way through and that how we were so easy going was great, but this holiday triggered something in her to say " I need space" etc.

She basically said that the idea of the upcoming holiday made her realise that she had suddenly landed in another serious long term relationship and she now realised she wasnt ready yet- a trigger basically.

I was upset too but stayed strong and have been fine since, but in the last couple of days Ive started to miss her and question the break up reasons..

Feels great just writing it here though, bit of a relief. if anyone has any words of advice I would really appreciate it.

Thanks

parrai

astras wrote: »

Started seeing a girl a year ago, she had been only two months out of a 4 year relationship. We purposely took things very slowly for 3-4 months, then gradually became more of a couple, nice and easy, we both had no rush.

I was very conscious of the past and knew from friends that the other break up hurt her. We knew each other previously from college but we really blossomed now and the pace of our relationship seemed fine (we both talked openly about everything and whether we were happy with the pace etc)

We became very much an item then , meeting parents , sleeping together etc. We also did many fun things for dates, always looking to enjoy life. We had even spoken about plans for a holiday next summer, initiated by her usually.

Then before we took a holiday last month, things were slighlty amiss between us, but nothing too major, you could sense little things!!. The holiday was ok, but we were both being a bit distant from each other.

So when we met to break up two weeks ago, she explained that she felt she had never recovered from the previous break up, not had a chance to stand on her own feet. She said she's confused and annoyed at herself for not wanting to be with me because everything had always been great, and dosent know whats going on. She wants to be on her own she says etc. She was in bits, far more upset than I. She said she thought she was ok in the relationship all the way through and that how we were so easy going was great, but this holiday triggered something in her to say " I need space" etc.

She basically said that the idea of the upcoming holiday made her realise that she had suddenly landed in another serious long term relationship and she now realised she wasnt ready yet- a trigger basically.

I was upset too but stayed strong and have been fine since, but in the last couple of days Ive started to miss her and question the break up reasons..

Feels great just writing it here though, bit of a relief. if anyone has any words of advice I would really appreciate it.

Thanks

There could be a lot of truth in what she says about wanting time and not taking time to be on her own...

I think she may have been on the rebound and you were exactly what she thought she needed to recover from the last relationship.

Take solace in the fact you helped her to recover, keep in touch, if it is not too painful, as who knows, she may want to return.

I know this sounds unfair on you, but from your post it sounds as though you are and were mature enough to handle/understand it....

astras

Thanks for the reply, I appreciate your comments!

We will keep in touch alright, probably by way of a hello or small chat on nights out when we bump into each other, we parted on good terms.

I guess i was able to handle it because a couple of years ago i got burnt when i jumped head in with a woman after both of us had only just come out of relationships, that was not a healthy relationship.

So I had learned from that and hoped not to make the same mistake with this one. I knew early in my new relationship detailed in my OP, that it could end at any stage and quickly due to the possible effects of the rebound, therefore I was determined to just enjoy it and see what happened from there.

But after we got through the initial 6-7 months, I began to assume that she was over the previous break up, and ready to move on fully with me.

parrai

astras wrote: »

Thanks for the reply, I appreciate your comments!

We will keep in touch alright, probably by way of a hello or small chat on nights out when we bump into each other, we parted on good terms.

I guess i was able to handle it because a couple of years ago i got burnt when i jumped head in with a woman after both of us had only just come out of relationships, that was not a healthy relationship.

So I had learned from that and hoped not to make the same mistake with this one. I knew early in my new relationship detailed in my OP, that it could end at any stage and quickly due to the possible effects of the rebound, therefore I was determined to just enjoy it and see what happened from there.



But after we got through the initial 6-7 months, I began to assume that she was over the previous break up, and ready to move on fully with me.

This will stand to you. You have it under control, and no need for me to tell you, someone is waiting for you.

Best of luck.