she cant get over something stupid i done

Dick Burns

going out with a girl for a few months and everything was going great

heard few things about her before i went out with her taht always played on my mind,and i did always have issues with trust because i have low self esteem

she left her phone in the room one day and i opened it,found a few messages from a guy one sayin he liked her and ****e so was bit annoyed and we had a big row,i sudnt of went through her phone but i dunno jus was worried incase i wud lose her that she wud want to go off with someone else

few weeks ago i went for a shower in hers and the phone was der again,now i dunno why but done it again this time messages were very affectionate with a different guy nothin concrete to say anythin was goin on but wasnt far from sumthin possibly happening,i confronted her and had another massive row and more or less broke up from that

but since were stil spending time and more or less action like boyfriend/girlfriend but she says she cant get over what i dont twice as she cant be with someone who doesnt trust her,i told her it was insecurity on my own behalf,i do trust her tho but i was jus scared

any advice on what i should do?

Big Bag of Chips

You don't trust her.. that's why you're checking her phone.

She doesn't trust you, because you're checking her phone.

Doesn't sound to me like this one can last, unless you make changes.

Does she give you reason not to trust her? Does she reply to messages from fellas saying they like her..? Her only reply to that should be. "I don't want to lead you on, I've got a boyfriend." If she is not discouraging fellas, maybe you have a right to be suspicious of her?

I am a friend

Its hard to read your post as you are using text speak :mad:

Look would you not consider being on your own for a while and working on your self esteem issues. What you are doing to this girl is not fair and unless you improve your self esteem yourself,you will keep doing this to one girl after the next...

xXLaneyXx

No trust is a really bad start. If I were you I'd let this one go. Affectionate messages aren't been sent for no reason, whoever is sending them to her is obviously getting some kind of encouragement.
No smoke without fire in my opinion.
If I were with someone I definately would not be texting other guys and I'd be concentrating on having fun with the one I had.

I think this girl is keeping her options open.

Please Kill Me

I think if she's getting messages from lads, then you have a reason not to trust her. You could say she "might" be discouraging lads, but if she was, they wouldn't have her number or wouldn't be texting her either.

Ask her about who the lads are. If she says they're just lads she knows or they're "just friends", it's time to call it a day as your mind will never be at ease and you will end up constantly rowing.

Eve_Dublin

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

You don't trust her.. that's why you're checking her phone.

She doesn't trust you, because you're checking her phone.

Doesn't sound to me like this one can last, unless you make changes.

Does she give you reason not to trust her? Does she reply to messages from fellas saying they like her..? Her only reply to that should be. "I don't want to lead you on, I've got a boyfriend." If she is not discouraging fellas, maybe you have a right to be suspicious of her?

I dunno, if you're jealous you can interpret even the most innocent things as flirting. You could describe my texts to male friends as "affectionate" as they're my friends and I care about them and won't send them rude, dismissive texts just because they're guys. There's affection between friends and there's flirting and some men and women interpret the former for the latter because their jealousy is clouding the part of the brain that thinks rationally.

If you're a jealous guy, OP you have to acknowledge that this is more than likely your problem. I've been jealous in the past and looking back on it now, it was totally irrrational. You searched your girlfriends phone twice without any rational reason to be suspicious...I personally would dump you for this but I'm not your girlfriend. If she decides to give it another chance, you need to work on your jealousy as it's your problem, not hers.

Of course I acknowledge that she might've been sending flirty texts to another guy but without details, it's hard to know. I'm only going on your own admission that you're prone to jealousy because of self-esteem issues and I know from personal experience that it can skew your perception. Be very careful.

Zen65

Dick Burns wrote: »

i told her it was insecurity on my own behalf,i do trust her tho but i was jus scared

Op, read your own words... they just don't make sense.

You do not trust her; that much is clear from your actions. Blaming insecurity or low self-esteem is just kidding yourself. You've held on to things you heard about her in the past and those things sit in your mind festering, and you allow those thoughts to drive you to act in a distrustful way. The worst part of it is that because you don't trust her (and have acted on it) she no longer trusts you.

Where will this relationship go?

I think you should chalk all of this up to experience and move on, or sit down with her and make a solemn agreement that you will not violate her trust again.... but this time you must live up to it. Far from worrying about what you've heard about her past, imagine how your behaviour will sound when she describes it in the future!


Be at peace,


Z