Are men more romantic than women?

dceire

I was watching 'Blue Valentine' last night and found myself agreeing totally with Ryan Gosling's character in this scene:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8o5TgEVEkA4

I know with myself and my close group of guy friends that this is the case. On the other hand, I have several girl friends who seem to have settled when they deserve much more. Anyone else agree/disagree?

Sauve

From what I've seen this can go both ways, I wouldn't agree that girls are more likely to settle for second best at all. I know plenty of guys who are in relationships that are wrong for them, just because it was 'time to settle down'.

dceire

Actually, just after i posted this I realised that one of my best mates has been with a girl I used to work with for 2 years now. She's nowhere near good enough for him. I think he just settled because he was fed up being single.

Miss Olenska

dceire wrote: »

Actually, just after i posted this I realised that one of my best mates has been with a girl I used to work with for 2 years now. She's nowhere near good enough for him. I think he just settled because he was fed up being single.

What's wrong with her?

LeeHoffmann

I can't view the video, so not sure what we're discussing - are men more romantic than women / do people settle for second-best in relationships? Can somebody explain briefly?

Scanlas The 2nd

dceire wrote: »

Actually, just after i posted this I realised that one of my best mates has been with a girl I used to work with for 2 years now. She's nowhere near good enough for him. I think he just settled because he was fed up being single.

What makes one person good enough or not good enough for another person?

Sauve

Scanlas The 2nd wrote: »

What makes one person good enough or not good enough for another person?

'Compatibility' is probably a better way of putting it imo.
As in, one persons' idea of how a partner should be treated being totally different to the other persons' would make for a bad relationship.
Differing levels of respect, affection, amount of time put into the relationship etc. would all indicate incompatibility to me. Somebody can come across as being 'not good enough' because they're simply not putting in the effort, ergo, there's nothing wrong with the person, he/she is 'just not that into you'.

Unless by 'good enough' we're talking about wealth, power, looks etc. That's a whole 'nuther argument

Sauve

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

I can't view the video, so not sure what we're discussing - are men more romantic than women / do people settle for second-best in relationships? Can somebody explain briefly?

The video is a guy explaining how when men marry/settle it's because they're resistant up until a point where they meet somebody and think 'I'd be an idiot not to marry this girl'.
Girls marry because they get to a point where they end up picking the best option.
His point is that men are more romantic than women because of their motives for marriage/settling.

sharper

Eh that video didn't do much for me. It sells relationships like some sort of cosmic event that's going to transform how you view life itself. I think they should be about sharing your life with someone else, not an expectation they're going to improve your life or make you happy with it.

On the other hand, I have several girl friends who seem to have settled when they deserve much more.

My own experience says that guys have to work an awful lot harder to attract and keep a woman than the reverse. By "my experience" I mean what I've observed, not my own relationship with women.

Whether any two people "deserve" each other is impossible to tell. If they're happy together it's all fine, if they're not maybe one or both are settling.

LeeHoffmann

when men marry/settle it's because they're resistant up until a point where they meet somebody and think 'I'd be an idiot not to marry this girl'.
Girls marry because they get to a point where they end up picking the best option.

This is obviously untrue. Nothing in this seems particularly romantic to me.

Sauve

LeeHoffmann wrote: »

This is obviously untrue. Nothing in this seems particularly romantic to me.

You're right. I'd hate to think that someone would want to marry me because they think I'm a 'great catch'. (Not saying I am btw!)
Likewise, a mans 'status' in life would never be a selling point for me.
As long as he is motivated, respects himself, knows what his values are, and isn't afraid of a bit of hard work in life, I couldn't give a monkeys how much he earns, what he drives, etc.
The idea of 'settling' just because it's 'time to find someone' gives me the collywobbles

nicowa

I've had my partner tell me loads of times how his friends say how lucky he is with me, and (possibly his reading of their reactions) he doesn't deserve me. Likewise I could see how people could think that a 25 yr old, pretty much just out of college (worked for a year or so inbetween degree and masters) could be going for the dependable older man - what I meant to say there was that I'm such a catch cos I'm so young and beautiful... ()

He treats me with respect, thinks I'm beautiful, strives to make me laugh, and just wants to take care of me (yes, slightly old fashioned...). And I love him for all that and more.

But people don't see that. They see a 42 year old divorcee with 3 kids dragging me down... So I don't see how outside opinions of a relationship can have much substance - unless you're hearing stuff from the horses mouth as it were.