Unsure About Long Distance

LegacyUser

Hi guys, I'm aware there are a few other long distance threads at the minute but couldnt find any advice that really applies to me so I decided to start my own, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

So me and my boyfriend have been together for over 6 months. I'm in my second year of uni and he took a year out of uni and moved to the UK (where I'm studying) which is how we met. When we met he was unsure if he was going to move back to Ireland and finish his degree at all. As time went on he talked about changing his course to my university to finish his degree, or doing it as a long distance course. But because of the fee rise in the UK its not possible for him to finish his degree here, and when I finally pressed him on the issue he said he was moving back to Ireland next year to do his final year in uni.

Now on one hand I'm thrilled hes going to finish his degree and I want him to do what makes him happy and would never stand in his way of anything, but on the other I really don't believe in long distance relationships whatsoever. I really want to be with this guy, but my common sense makes me think that making it long distance is basically dooming it.
He has been trying to convince me that it can work, and how it looks now we wouldnt go any longer than a month without seeing each other, but I'm still very skeptical. It's not that I don't trust him, I actually think my own paranoia and insecurities would single-handedly ruin the relationship in a long distance situation without any help from him.

It also doesn't help that he's going back to study in the place where a very messed up ex of his lives, she's constantly trying to get in contact with him and asking him to get back with her even though he's in a different country now, and I can't help but be a little bit terrified of him being in close proximity to her again, because she seems like the type that will do anything it takes to get what she wants.

Basically I'm very confused about this situation. I'm really mad about the guy and can see this lasting and I trust him completely and want him to be happy, but I just can't see myself being able to cope when we're forced into long distance and I'm really trying to convince myself I can. Its really affecting me, I can't sleep for thinking about it, its constantly on my mind and its ruining my time that I have with him now because I'm so focused on whats in the future.

I know I probably sound like a mental bunny boiler, but really I just care so much about him and want to be with him but I'm also very aware of my own faults and insecurities and how they affect relationships. Any rational/sound advice on how to cope with all this would be greatly appreciated so maybe I can stop freaking out and actually enjoy my relationship. Thanks.

Lola92

Firstly, fair play to your boyfriend for making the decision to go back to college, and to you for supporting him. It's not easy, and speaking as someone who has been in a long distance relationship, the one thing that you need is 100% trust in your partner.

I know that everyone has their own insecurities but if you do not think that you will be able to put these aside then you will most likely have problems.

Think it through and talk to your boyfriend about your concerns. Make a plan - if he moves back would you skype every second day? Have a weekend together once a month? If you have those little things to look forward to it helps a lot IMO.

prinz

LDGirl wrote: »

I really don't believe in long distance relationships whatsoever. I really want to be with this guy, but my common sense makes me think that making it long distance is basically dooming it. He has been trying to convince me that it can work, and how it looks now we wouldnt go any longer than a month without seeing each other, but I'm still very skeptical. It's not that I don't trust him, I actually think my own paranoia and insecurities would single-handedly ruin the relationship in a long distance situation without any help from him..

Don't do it tbh. You are going into it already certain in your own mind that it will fail... guess what.. with that outlook it will. Work on yourself first and then maybe think about getting into a long distance relationship.

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I'm in a similar situation and thought I'd ring in with some advice/ direction.

I was with my BF for 9 months. We got together when we were both in 2nd year in college and did the same course (French and Law). We both had the opportunity to study abroad but I have a minor disability that can make travel a bit difficult and I need a bit of assistance with certain things. I weighed up the options and decided not to go but he decided to go on ahead. We decided to break up as we are just like yourself.

I know that LDRs can work, but I think it's more if you have a solid foundation behind you (maybe you were in a long term before hand).. I also think that having a relationship over skype and facebook is silly. You'll just drive yourself mad. I say the best option for the two of ye is to go on a break and see what happens next summer when/ if you're home. Or until both of ye are finished college. It just seems like a lot of hassel and work for someone as young as ye and I get that as I'm in the same position.

Found out my ex is now seeing someone else and it hurts which is something you'll have to prepare yourself for, but it gets easier and I trust that he still loves me.. So we'll see how it happens.. Fire ahead if you've more questions.

I am a friend

LDGirl wrote: »

H

I can't help but be a little bit terrified of him being in close proximity to her again, because she seems like the type that will do anything it takes to get what she wants.

So you are effectively saying you dont trust him and that he will eventually succumb to this girl if she tries hard enough?? If thats the attitude then the relationship will struggle to last long distance.