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Is this relationship doomed??

  • 13-11-2011 01:53PM
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi.Just wondering if i could have some feedback please.....

    I'm with my OH just under two years.We get on well....But it seems when I'm over at his house all we seem to do is watch TV.... I never was a a huge TV person and now I'm doubting that we are compatable in the long run.

    While we do get on well with each other it seems like we have *completely* different interests.

    at the weekends i like to do outdoor things, go on walks,go to mountains,parks that kind of thing,go to markets/fares etc......but he seems to have no interest in doing any of these things,he would be simply bored out of his mind if he came with me.at weekends he watches sport most of the time...even if we are away on holiday we will have to go somewhere at a certain time to watch sport which can cut activities short or put us under pressure time wise.....this in particular can really upset me as we rarely get to go away together.

    I have brought this topic up numerous times and nothing has changed and I would not expect someone to change for me.i know in a relationship there needs to be compromises but are we really that suited in the long run? thanks


Comments

  • #2
    Mighty_Mouse
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,882 ✭✭✭Mighty_Mouse


    we seem to do is watch TV.
    Sounds like hell.
    I have called off at least 2 ST relationships for this reason.
    I'm not against TV per say. But it's definitely a distant 2nd in terms of anything other possible form of activity or entertainment.

    I've literally sat there with the OH beside me thinking "is this it?". "if I stay with this person am I eventually gonna care whats happening in the world of tv?"..........

    To me it's the path to braindead human existence.
    Tbh you sound a little more "switched on" than this guy.
    A little more aware of life's possibilities & the world around you.
    It seems he's programmed into the work 9-5, tv 6-10 monotony.

    We're creatures of habit. So the question you have to ask is: do you think you can introduce this guy successfully to a more positive way of living?
    Can you help him form new habits?


  • #3
    Zen65
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭Zen65


    anonomous wrote: »
    i know in a relationship there needs to be compromises but are we really that suited in the long run? thanks

    Do you have examples of how he has compromised to suit you, or is it always you that compromises?

    Be at peace,

    Z


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP. I'm married to a man who doesn't like to leave our apartment. He's not agoraphobic. He just likes seclusion and TV. If I 'harass' him into doing something awful like going for a drive, I am made to feel like a bad person. Of course I have my own interests - sailing, salsa dancing - but I often feel sad to think of the adventures that we could have together or that I could have with a man who was more active. Since getting married I've even gone on activity holidays on my own. We were together for years before we married. It may sound stupid, but somehow I never realised that sitting in everyday was how he wanted to live. We did alot of sitting in the early years but I thought it was because we were broke??? We were living together years but I missed out on this fundamental thing about him. And if you I had put two and two together I'm not sure I would have chosen him. Lifestyle is so important.
    So you know what I think you should do.


  • #5
    Distorted
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,064 ✭✭✭Distorted


    I think its down to you to work out whether he is ever going to change or whether you are happy being in a relationship like this. I have to say, it sounds awful, but so many people seem to be like this. My brother-in-law, for example, actually participates in no sport but his life is ruled by watching sport on tv. He was once very late for a big family occasion because he had to watch a motor race on tv (why he couldn't have recorded it I don't know). However his wife is very laid back and just goes along with it. The effect was of course very rude, and not a tad ironic, since I compete in sport to a level that I win prize money but still manage to do other things and have flexibility in training sessions. So from that perspective, I would say his current behaviour is verging on the obsessive and anti-social and if you are an active person yourself, virtually intolerable.

    Note also that the brother-in-law above, still in his late thirties, has just had a (first?) heart attack, probably not helped by his sedentary lifestyle and diet.


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