Ex Returning Home

LegacyUser

Hi there

I was with my last boyfriend for over three years. We had a difficult relationship. He had some emotional and mental health problems but i supported him through them. Our relationship was incredibly romantic, beautiful and caring. he treated me well and i treated him just as well, i suppose. I've been told that we were a good influence on each other and we both agreed to that. We were very much in love and the sex was crazy good. Never could orgasm properly with a man before I met him. So things were peachy. Until last January.

Last January my now ex was made redundant. I have a fairly good income and although we didn't live together I was able to bring him around to keep him busy. Dinner dates and the like. He got a bit down on himself and I tried pushing him into a course. Eventually he did a short course in photography in the local VEC and loved it. His Uncle lives in the States and offered him a job working for his company. He'd overhaul their site and do bits and pieces. He was getting depressed so i supported his decision to leave the country. I couldn't go with him due to work commitments and an ill parent, and when it came to it we decided that we needed to break up as we both were in LDRs before with bad experiences for both of us. We were torn up but it had to happen.

I know I should have stopped contact here and then but I still loved him. I decided to delete him from FB when he left and he found it very sad but it had to be done. I've Skyped him three or four times since he left in July and we seem to be getting on grand in this new form of relationship, an odd text/ e-mail too. Since July i've missed him sorely but took up a cookery class and been seeing someone else (though I'm not that interested, probably going to dump the guy tbh). Then two nights ago things changed.

He's coming home. He was supposed to be staying over there indefinitely and has decided to pack it all in. He has another five months of his contract left and is going to come home after that. I got a phone call from him last night with him crying down the phone telling me he's missed me sorely and that he still thinks about me a lot. I told him I've been seeing someone else and he told me he's been having sex with a friend of his but that he doesn't have genuine feelings for her. Just a bit of fun. He told me he regrets not trying to make the LDR work and that he wants me back. He mentioned moving in together at some point over the summer. To be honest I'm absolutely in shock. I've no idea what to do...

On one hand we got on so well together and had a great thing that we both gave up on due to circumstances, and now we're both seeing other people but both of us are still in love with each other. I'm floored. I was just beginning to get over it, i suppose, and now there's hope. So what do I do? He is 100 per cent coming home (booked flights). I don't want to have an LDR with him because I just want to see him face-to-face first before we decide to get back together.. In a way i want to see if he waits for me til when he comes home. Five months is a long enough time... and all I can do now is count down the days. It'll drive me crazy!

Thoughts?

flowerchild

Meet him. Catch up. And see how you both feel. Good luck. It sounds potentially exciting.

suckmyloli

I agree with Flowerchild, sometimes distance really does make the heart grow fonder Good luck!

I am a friend

I dont understand why you dont want to resume the relationship now? Its strange to me that you want to wait the 5 months. Are you going to keep seeing the other guy til then? Is he going to keep seeing the friend?

Also have his mentalhealth issues worsened in the time he is away? Seems strange he was crying down the phone. Why is he actually coming home?

LegacyUser

I am a friend wrote: »

I dont understand why you dont want to resume the relationship now? Its strange to me that you want to wait the 5 months. Are you going to keep seeing the other guy til then? Is he going to keep seeing the friend?

Also have his mentalhealth issues worsened in the time he is away? Seems strange he was crying down the phone. Why is he actually coming home?

I don't want an LDR, neither does he. We both want to resume our relationship when he returns, but we both want the five months to get our heads in a better place. We've both been in LDRs and I say respect to those who can handle them but I don't feel like they're 'proper' relationships... Just my opinion. He is going to keep having sex with her, I'd imagine, but she is moving to another state in three weeks so I'm not too worried about that. I don't plan on seeing that guy again myself but I may as well keep dating (for the pure fun of it) until he comes home.

His mental health is fine and has been the last two years (medication for nine months plus a lot of therapy). He was crying because he misses me and misses home. He's coming home because his Uncle's company has shortened his contract and he has decided that he wants to go back and finish his Masters (he never wrote the thesis part of the MA but did all exams and that). We both are certain we want to get back together but to be honest I need him in the country first. Since we techincally broke up I don't think I could get back with him until i could see him regularly and that.

I am a friend

ConflusteredGirl2 wrote: »

He is going to keep having sex with her, I'd imagine, but she is moving to another state in three weeks so I'm not too worried about that. I don't plan on seeing that guy again myself but I may as well keep dating (for the pure fun of it) until he comes home.

I thought part of your issue is that you want to see if he waits for you... This is confusing.

Is it the case that you dont want to define it as a relationship in case he is seeing other people.

I also cant see how / why you can date others if you are truly in love with him... Its all very strange.

LegacyUser

I am a friend wrote: »

I thought part of your issue is that you want to see if he waits for you... This is confusing.

Is it the case that you dont want to define it as a relationship in case he is seeing other people.

I also cant see how / why you can date others if you are truly in love with him... Its all very strange.

I don't know why you're being resisting. I don't want it to be a relationship because I don't believe in LDRs - I don't think they work and I don't see myself ever being one after I was in one before. I find them very frustrating and upsetting and would prefer to see him face-to-face before we decide to resume a relationship. This is a personal rule of mine and won't be broken.

I do love him, truly, but I have needs. Over the next five months I don't plan on turning into a nun, I plan on getting laid. Sex means nothing in a lot of ways.