parents divorced

EmmaAstra

Hi all,
Parents divorced when I was mid-way through college and subsequently I have lived away from home for several years. Due to changing jobs, I've moved back home and lots has changed. Definitely feel lonely and out of place a lot, just wondering if anybody here has experienced something similar? I'd really appreciate your feedback and reading about your experiences because I know I'm not alone in this.
Thanks for reading

krankykitty

Hi Emma Astra

I can identify with what you are saying. My parents separated nearly 18 years ago and that feeling is something that even now still crops up for me from time to time. I know we all move away from our family and make our own homes, but even still its like that sense of "home" is missing now, like I look back on my family life as having two distinct parts, the former being one that will never be the same again. Its hard to put into words. I definitely have felt lonely and sad from time to time when I feel that way. Its not that I want my parents to get back together because I certainly don't, but it's more that there's a sense of something missing or that I'm missing or something.

Although I've dealt through the years with a lot of the issues/feelings I had around my parents separation, this feeling, and that loneliness and feeling out of place thing is the one that still crops up from time to time even now after all these years for me. Not as strong though, I don't think. It can be hard to put into words to explain the loneliness thing to people, you have people all around you (close people) but you're having this feeling that you're all alone.

I can really relate to what's happening for you here but the only advice I think I can give you is to treat it as a loss that you've experienced that needs to be acknowledged and allow yourself to grieve it and feel sad, when that's how you're feeling, rather than trying to push the feelings aside. I'd imagine it's very hard for you if you were away at college when the separation happened, so you weren't around to begin the process of "getting used" to the new reality. Sometimes when we are away from what is happening, it's easier to push it to the side and get on with our lives and its only when we return that it hits us.

PM me if you would like to talk

Ickle Magoo

Kranky Kitty, please do not ask posters who post publicly on PI with their issues to get into private consul with you.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.

krankykitty

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Kranky Kitty, please do not ask posters who post publicly on PI with their issues to get into private consul with you.

If you haven't already done so, please take the time to read the forum rules in the charter.

Many thanks.

Apologies I was just trying to be helpful.

dazberry

EmmaAstra wrote: »

I've moved back home and lots has changed. Definitely feel lonely and out of place a lot, just wondering if anybody here has experienced something similar?

My parents separated when I was in first year in college, and when I eventually came back I moved in with my mother for a while. I found myself living in a different part of the city that was at that time pretty run down and didn't have a lot going for it, in a little house that was cold and drafty and we'd no money to really do anything with it. I did miss just being around the area that I knew, and the spontaneity of meeting up with my friends when I felt like it, and not being able to afford a phone meant that I was pretty much cut off.

18 years later I'm still living around here, I love the area and actually have just bought a house about a mile away from my mother (near enough but not too near ), I wouldn't go back to where I grew up if you paid me (none of my friends live there anymore anyway...). The little cold drafty house eventually when we had a few bob got heating, and new windows, and suddenly it's a 100+ year old little red brick with so much character and history, and I can't remember it being anything but home

I guess it's just the nature of change, when we are making the changes, it feels positive and progressive and we are in control, but when the changes are made for us it can be difficult to take/make the transition.

D.

EmmaAstra

dazberry wrote: »

I guess it's just the nature of change, when we are making the changes, it feels positive and progressive and we are in control, but when the changes are made for us it can be difficult to take/make the transition.

You're right D, it's one of those changes that's out of your hands, so it feels difficult. As krankykitty mentioned, it feels as if something is missing for a while.
Do you think that it's talking to your nearest and dearest that helps/helped you through? Or time? Or a positive outlook?

dazberry

EmmaAstra wrote: »

Do you think that it's talking to your nearest and dearest that helps/helped you through? Or time? Or a positive outlook?

I'd guess all of the above. It's difficult to tell because there were other variables in the mix at that time too (relationship, job etc). I do remember being very unhappy in the job and finally after a lot of effort getting a new one, and realising that while that was the focus of all my attentions, it wasn't the answer to all my problems.

I don't know, I think it's just a case of keeping going, accepting as best you can that things are the way they are, and focusing your attentions on your aspirations, and being forward looking???

D.

krankykitty

Definitely time does help.. Depending on the situation, it might be easier to talk to a friend or someone else a bit more detached from the situation. I know I found it hard to talk to my parents at the time due to them having their own problems, I'd end up getting involved in their stuff myself, and bottled up a lot of my own feelings which did me no good in the long run.

Be good to yourself too and listen to your instincts about what you need to do for yourself at this time, remember change, even good change can be stressful and difficult for us all.

Take care.