Am i being unreasonable??

LegacyUser

Ok so i have been with my bf a number of years and it was my birthday a few days ago and for the last couple of weeks hes being asking me what i wanted for my birthday.

Im a very practical person and like practical gifts. i told him the money OR vouchers OR pay for my car tax would be great as being so close to christmas and me being unemployed it would have come in really useful. We were in a phone shop 2 weeks ago and he asked me would i like a phone instead, i told him it would be the worst gift he could give me as i dont like expensive phones( cant afford them and i tend to break them/lose them) i have no interest in having the most up to date phone.

Anyways he turns up on my birthday with a gift all wrapped...yep you guessed it a fu!king phone!!! An expensive one at that and as i was unwrapping it he was sayin "i know you didnt want one but i thought youd like this one!!!"

i feel so sad that he bought me the one thing i didnt want i find it so upsetting that after 4 years he wouldnt know me by now. am i being unreasonable or what do yee think???

Thanks for any advice

Neyite

maybe he had it bought already before he discovered that you would hate it? And was stuck with it?

There are lots of people who dont want practical presents for Christmas. I often think its a time to get things you wouldnt justify the money spending it on yourself. I love to get things like shoes I dont need but want rather than something I need but is boring. But thats just me. Maybe your boyfriend thinks that way?

He spent a lot of money on you. With any gift you get, its adult to be gracious that someone took time and spent money on you.

Miss Fluff

notahappylittlebunny wrote: »

am i being unreasonable or what do yee think???

Yes, a little unreasonable tbh. You see despite your protestations, it seems like he genuinely wanted to treat you. The poor guy probably thought that while you'd like your car taxed you'd be secretely delighted with a lovely phone which you wouldn't be able to afford. I think it's sweet of him and I'd accept graciously....

LegacyUser

He probably thought he was the bees knees. I would say don't say it to him, be grateful (hey it still a good present) and next time really stress that you want something practical.

Taltos

Or you could try what we do now - after years of getting the "wrong" present - give your OH a list of different things you would like - on the top print "please only select something from this list".

Just make sure you give it to him ages in advance and have a talk about it. Myself and the OH had to talk a few times and now list it is....

baby and crumble

OP, I hate buying practical presents for people. I hate it. It doesn't feel like a present if you 'need' it. I know it's silly, but I think presents should be something you'd never buy for yourself, like a treat or something.

Should your BF have listened to you? Probably. Is he being deliberately inconsiderate? I don't think so. A lot of people are bad at buying presents because they are like me, and want to get something 'extra' rather than paying someones car insurance or whatever, or because they assume that other people would like what they would like. He probably thought the little boost of having a swanky phone might cheer you up if you're feeling down about being unemployed.

You should talk to him about it, but you should explain that while you really appreciate that he spent a lot of money on the phone, that you're a little concerned that he didn't really listen when you said you didn't want one. You might need to really impress upon him how much you honestly meant that you'd prefer a practical gift- no matter how much we know our partners, it's easy to get sucked into believing stereotypes, like that women want pretty things or what have you.

LegacyUser

ok i better give a little more info.

I am very close to the breadline a fact hes aware of. Im struggling to pay my bills and am extremely stressed a fact he knows. The relief of having my bills paid wouldve been fantastic.
he bought the phone the day before my bday (he left the recipt in the bag)and i had told him the week before that id hate a phone.

He even got the phone on his network not mine!!!! he knows how desperate my financial siuation is(barely head above water and i have little boy which isnt his)

i cant even afford suits for my interviews had to borrow one.

Sorry if im self pitying but im in a really bad financial situation and i cant ask any1

neuro-praxis

baby and crumble wrote: »

OP, I hate buying practical presents for people. I hate it. It doesn't feel like a present if you 'need' it. I know it's silly, but I think presents should be something you'd never buy for yourself, like a treat or something.

Yes it is silly. You are effectively buying something for someone to suit yourself, which completely undermines the idea of a gift.

I think the OP's feelings are completely understandable. He asked what she would like, she answered clearly, and he ignored her, for goodness knows what reasons - perhaps similar to baby and crumble there.

However we are not entitled to gifts - they are gifts, after all. Accept this graciously and have a talk about it in a few months to clarify your position on gifts.

Bodhidharma

Give the guy a break, he thought he'd surprise you with something nice. Sure its unnecessary, but al least he cares, would be worse if he got you nothing.

Distorted

Accept it with good grace as a gift. He probably thought he was doing well because its a practical present and he thought it would overcome your dislike of phones as gifts and be your ideal phone where other phones have failed in the past. Some men just aren't that great at buying presents but I'm sure he has other good points to compensate. Its not worth creating an arguement or making someone else miserable over. But maybe get him something like an iron for his birthday, if you want to make a point!

floorpie

neuro-praxis wrote: »

Yes it is silly. You are effectively buying something for someone to suit yourself, which completely undermines the idea of a gift.

It's the total opposite surely. You don't decide what gifts you're going to get, *that* would undermine the idea of a gift.

I'm sure the OP's partner didn't buy her a phone to suit himself. In fact i'd imagine that it seemed like more of a 'treat' than vouchers, while also being practical. To further complicate things, my ex used to always *say* she liked practical gifts...but really she didn't, except when she did...basically, she liked presents that she liked (if you'll excuse the tautology).

LegacyUser

Tried to post a reply earlier but it never went up.

Think i may explain the situation a little bit further. I know its the thought that counts but obviously he didnt think about this present. I have told him how bad my financial situation is i am on the breadline and im behind on my bills. Ive a child to raise and to be able to pay a bill/pay my car tax etc would've really relieved the burden on me.

There are so many things i need desperately e.g car tax, bills paid, new tyres on my car that recieving something that i dont need or want is almost laughable.

I havent had a night out in well over 6 months and i dont spend money frivously so why he thought a fone(which isnt even my network!!) was a good idea i dont know. I cant even use the sim cause ive sent out soooooo many c.vs that it would be idiotic to change my number!!!

I know it may seem im ungrateful but that money would have taken so much stress off me and i told him im not into phones and told him outright not to get me a phone.


i cant afford credit but i have an expensive phone!!!

floorpie

Hope you like ironing, Distorted, share and share alike! :P

(Don't get him an iron!)

daisybelle2008

notahappylittlebunny wrote: »

ok i better give a little more info.

I am very close to the breadline a fact hes aware of. Im struggling to pay my bills and am extremely stressed a fact he knows. The relief of having my bills paid wouldve been fantastic.
he bought the phone the day before my bday (he left the recipt in the bag)and i had told him the week before that id hate a phone.

He even got the phone on his network not mine!!!! he knows how desperate my financial siuation is(barely head above water and i have little boy which isnt his)

i cant even afford suits for my interviews had to borrow one.

Sorry if im self pitying but im in a really bad financial situation and i cant ask any1

Bring it back to the shop and get a refund. If he asks where the phone is tell him you already have a phone and needed the money for your car tax more than a new one. Shouldn't be an issue.

LegacyUser

please floorpie dont compare me to your ex i am 100% honest when i say i love practical gifts e.g every year my brother gets me a full service for my car and its great cause i dont have to worry about coming up with the money!!! When i say i like practical gifts i mean i like practical gifts.

When your unemployed practical gifts are a godsend it removes the financal burden and eases the stress that comes with having no money.

floorpie

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

Bring it back to the shop and get a refund. If he asks where the phone is tell him you already have a phone and needed the money for your car tax more than a new one. Shouldn't be an issue.

Might be an issue if you're not nice about it, seeing as it was originally a nice gesture on his part.

LegacyUser

i wish i could bring the phone back but when i unwrapped it he asked me to open it so the plastic is off. I understand i might sound selfish but when i have no car tax or unpid bills i think theyre more important...he asked what i wanted and i told him but he did the complete opposite

Ickle Magoo

notahappylittlebunny wrote: »

Tried to post a reply earlier but it never went up.

Unregistered posts require a moderator to approve them so they may take a while to appear.

floorpie,

If you want to have a discussion with another poster please use the PM function.

Be aware that posting off-topic and unhelpful posts can earn you infractions/a ban from this forum.

daisybelle2008

notahappylittlebunny wrote: »

i wish i could bring the phone back but when i unwrapped it he asked me to open it so the plastic is off. I understand i might sound selfish but when i have no car tax or unpid bills i think theyre more important...he asked what i wanted and i told him but he did the complete opposite

Well then you might have to just suck it up and put it behind you. You could try to sell it if you have any friends on the market for a new phone, it's yours to do with as you wish now. He probably felt sorting a bill out would not be a 'gift'. You could just as easily see someone post a thread here complaining that they got a bill paid instead of a personal gift. Although he seems to think more of his preference for a gift than considering yours. I wouldn't mention it again. Taltos list idea is probably a good idea going forward. If he does it again don't unwrap it !

Sleepy

Changing the SIM to your number shouldn't be a problem if you're happy to switch networks OP.

Do you spend a lot of time / money on credit talking with him? Maybe he thought a new phone on his network would save you money letting him get you something practical whilst also treating you to something you couldn't justify spending money on yourself?

holyhead

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

Bring it back to the shop and get a refund. If he asks where the phone is tell him you already have a phone and needed the money for your car tax more than a new one. Shouldn't be an issue.

I think this would really hurt his feelings. Is it worth that. I know your back is to the wall. Remember though would rather not have him in your life. Is your life better for having him in it?