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Did he leave me for someone else?

  • 11-11-2011 12:34am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,012 ✭✭✭✭


    Going anon for this but I really need an outside view of this.
    I have been with my partner 8 years now. Living with him for the past 4 years.
    I have a son from a previous relationship who is nearly a teenager who lives with us.
    Problem is we hadn't been getting along for over a year or so. He works in a very sociable company and is out a lot with work. I feel like I do everything around the house (which belongs to him not me. He bought it on his own). He is very kind, loving and thoughtful but something was missing and during the summer he broke up with me. I was devastated.
    My son and I moved out and in with my parents. 4 years of living together meant that I had a lot of stuff left at his house. I tried to talk to him but he was so distant with me and said it was over. We arranged when I could pick up my things and he made sure he wasn't around. He gave me the money I put into the house which upset me more as it really felt final then.
    I am really close to his mother and she was shocked that it was over. She tried talking him out of it.
    About 2 months later, I figured I had to accept it was over, look for somewhere more permanent to live and took the rest of my stuff.
    Then he contacted me and we talked. I told him all the stuff that bothered me in the relationship and that he didn't know how I felt. I told him how much I loved him and missed him and wanted to get back together. We decided to give it a go and after a month, my son and I moved back in.
    We are getting along so much better and I do feel hurt that he could break up with me but he is willing to give it another try as he missed me.
    On a night out recently, I got talking to a friend of ours who was a bit drunk. He asked me how we were getting on and that he was happy my partner saw sense, that he knew the fling wouldn't last. I felt like someone stabbed me in the heart. I asked him what did he mean and he denied what he said. This friend works with my partner and they have been close friends for years.
    Since then my mind has been working overtime. Did my partner leave me for someone else and when it didn't work out came back to me? I am afraid to ask him as we have been getting on so well lately. I can't stop thinking about it. Was it a grass greener and he realised he's happier with me or did she reject him and decided to come back to me? Our friend knows something but denies saying what he said. Should I ask my partner? The idea that he could be with someone else makes me sick. I can't talk to my friends cos they are still mad at him for hurting me the first time. Please help!


Comments

  • #2
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,288 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    You have to ask him. If you don't ask him, you will never know and your relationship will suffer for it.

    You shouldn't be in a relationship where you are afraid of your partner's reaction to a legitimate worry / concern / question you may have. The idea of a relationship is that both parties feel secure with each other.

    At the moment you don't feel secure, and you are walking on eggshells trying not too upset him. In the meantime you are very upset and unsure.

    Personally, it's not a feeling I'd like to have in a relationship.

    So you have to decide.. do you say nothing, stay miserable and afraid, but maybe hold on to your relationship..

    Or...

    Do you ask him, and maybe risk your relationship. But, to be honest, if your relationship breaks down because you ask him this question.. then his heart isn't there anyway, and if it doesn't break down over this, it will be something else.


  • #3
    I am a friend
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,479 ✭✭✭I am a friend


    He seems to hold all the power in this relationship. Why would you not ask him out straight?


  • #4
    Miss Fluff
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,673 ✭✭✭Miss Fluff


    2nd choice wrote: »
    Since then my mind has been working overtime. Did my partner leave me for someone else and when it didn't work out came back to me?

    Hon I am having trouble grasping why you wouldn't ask him this directly. Any healthy relationship is based on communication and it's worrying that you can't have this discussion with him.

    I get that you are afraid of the answer but I suspect you probably know what the answer is already. Maybe take stock of how you are going to prepare yourself for hearing the truth and then have it out with him. You do need to talk to him directly about this though, you can't avoid it....


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