I think I love my ex but I cant be with him

LegacyUser

So I went unreged for this, you'll soon see why.
When I was 17 I decided to end a pregnancy. At the time I was so so confused, I was broken up with my then boyfriend when I found out I was pregnant by him, I was on the pill guess these things happen. He didnt force me to get rid of the baby but he wasnt very supportive either. He was 21, and at the time I thought that was very old, I can see now he was pretty young to. I called him constantly to ask what we should do he kept saying he didnt care what I did. I asked him to tell me not to do it and he wouldnt. Yes I can see how selfish that was not to, I just wanted to know he would be there. At the time he was away travelling with the lads and I dont think calls from me was what he wanted. Basically he didnt force me into any decision I know that. We got back together for about 6 months after that but it was awful I couldnt get over it and fought with him constantly, probably because he is the only one I told so he was my only outlet.

Now, 8 years on I think I am still in love with him. I have had boyfriends, even two long term ones but it always seems to go back to him, when I am single I will end up with him after nights out. He regrets everything as much as I do, possibly even more. I find it hard to stay away from him and I know he still loves me and I know he regrets what could have been if we hadnt been so stupid.

I just dont know how to get over him. Any advice?

silly

I know it was an extremely hard thing for you to go through. Especially if you were going through it on your own.

It was a long time ago and I'm sure you have both grown up alot.

Can you forgive him???

If you can, and if he wants a relationship also. Then I think you can definatly give it a go. You don't want to be looking back in another 8 years and say to yourself, why didn't we just give ourselves one more chance.


But to do this you have to move on for the past. It can't be a thing that consumes you, it can't be something that it brought up in arguments. Like you said he regrets it also. He was young and foolish. If ye can both get passed that then ye might have a good relationship. Ye already have the chemistry.

CathyMoran

He was no there for you when you really needed him, I would look elsewhere if I were you, if nothing else he will always remind you of a tough time in your life.

Danniboo

CathyMoran wrote: »

He was no there for you when you really needed him, I would look elsewhere if I were you, if nothing else he will always remind you of a tough time in your life.

To be fair he was away travelling with the lads so not sure how he could "be there". The OP is saying its selfish because he didn't tell her not to get rid of the baby. Eh??? she basically wanted him to make the decision which isn't fair either.

Maple

OP, I have the utmost sympathy for you and your ex. It appears that you are both still haunted by this sad event in your past.

That would be my only concern to be honest, that you two feel that you need to be in one another's lives because if you're not then you will forget what has happened, move past the sadness.

I would question if your feelings for one another are genuine in that you foresee and want a future with this man, or if that you two would constantly look backwards and mourn the decision you made and weep for the child that never was.

I would hate for your past to become a rod for both your backs and in that your being together would not be because of something positive and happy, but because you shared this tremendous life-altering event and you are both consumed with guilt since.

estar

Hi there you asked how to get over him. I would talk to someone about your experience perhaps you are drawn to him because you feel he understands your regret etc and no one else does. However even though he was 21 would someone who cared put themselves first and travel with the lads or would they come back and discuss the options in person. He was young and so were you but you haven't let go yet and forgiven yourself. Don't live in the past. What has he got to offer today?

qwertytlk

Hi,
what is actually stopping you rekindling thre relationship now? Your both adults now, far more mature etc and as you seem to be spending nights with him every so often anyway, that suggest mutual feelings. I know what happend in the past affected you but would it still be something that could adversley affect a relationship with him, as you sound like you have forgiven him for his behaviour back then..??