he wont rely on me

LegacyUser

i just found out that my boyfriend had a major thing happen, he basically didnt tell me till i asked where he was. now, through absolutely no actions on my part, i found out he immediately told his ex, and spoke to her about it.

without getting into too many details, a family member got sick, he spoke to her, i found out as she works in the same place as a friend of mine, she obviously said it to my friend who mentioned it to me.
i havent said anything to him about that part. he told her about 24 hours before me!

they have broken up over 4 years, i knew he still had a bit of a connection with her, they were together about 6 years. we are together, on and off, about 2 years. the last few months everything was going great. well i thought so!

im devasted, he clearly doesnt see me as the person he wants to go to, talk with, depend on. he still thinks of her like that, obviously.

im actually crying, i feel so selfish because i know he is worried bout his sick relation and im just thinking about myself here. i havent said it to him and obviously im not going to say it now, he has too much on. i will be here for him, but im not even sure he wants me to be.........

oh, the reason we were 'on and off' was long and comlicated but needless to say the ex was always a factor. also, other things have happened in his life and he hasnt rang me to chat/be happy/ help him etc.

dont know what im looking for, you will probably all say just walk away.

greenprincess

Its really not a good sign that he goes to her first It really sounds like he isnt over the ex

davemc180

confront him over it, telling his ex and your mate seeing him is sly and hurtful and no matter his family situation he put you in this mess when you as his gf should be his go to person...

youll feel alot better if you confront him over it, if he loves you youll have nothing to worry about as he should be apoligising to you for going to his ex...

and if you are thinkng no as hes hurting, your hurting, put yourself 1st in this case as he clearly is putting you second

i personally think from the off if an ex is very close to your new partner unless theres a child involved, its a no go area...

if he is sorry an wants to make things up, id make him loose the ex from the situation as she clearly is destroying your relationship, make him choose then youl know were you stand... dont be afraid to put him on the spot, im sorry but it looks like your relationship is on the way out so for your own sake go down with your head held high

analucija

at first glance it's not a good sign but there are couple of things that you didn't tell us.

Did the ex have any kind of relationship with that relative? Was she friendly with them for example? Did he call her or did he bump into her somewhere? Do you know that relative? I'm not sure he is placing ex ahead of you, she might just be closer to his family, after all they were together six years. But in comparison your relationship doesn't feel very close at all, ex or no ex, and you should talk to him about that. And then walk away if you still feel like it.

Sonics2k

Whoa whoa whoa people, let's not propose she break up with him over one incident.

OP, as harsh as it that he spoke to an ex first about a problem, it does not necessarily reflect on his opinion of you, and yes he should of told you first.

But sometimes, when a person is going through a rough patch, it can seem easier to speak to someone who has known you for a long time, and may even have previous knowledge from their own family or the such.

Speak to your boyfriend about it, tell him you're not happy about it, but don't break up with him about this.
Take the time to evaluate your relationship on the larger scale, does he love you, does he treat you well aside from this incident.

If the relationship seems over due to different reasons, and not just this slip up, then leave him, if not then speak to him. Some people do not open up easily, I can admit to being one of them and often find it hard to speak to partners about my problems, and have often spoken to older friends (and even ex's) simply because I want to keep such problems out of a relationship, or they've been going through something similar.

GAAman

Hi OP, i am going to give a different perspective here.

My ex contacted me a good while after we had broken up, under very bad terms. In fact i ignored her calls until she txtd me to say her mother had been diagnosed with cancer. Now she had a boyfriend at the time but she told me (as she had many times before) that nobody could calm her down, help her and make her see sense then me.

Now bear in mind i was with my ex for half the duration of your boyfriends previous relationship. It is very possible that this is the same thing. I would not see it as a slight or that he wants to be with her, they were together for more than half a decade remember that.

The worst thing you can do is spiral out of control over this and see things which may well not exist. Be there for him and tell him that you are there for him.

Hope it all works out for you