Boyfriend blowing hot and cold

texthimornot

I am in my v early thirties and have been seeing my bf for 5 months now – I was previously engaged to a guy I was going out with for ten years so the whole dating thing is still vey new and suppose my emotions are still very raw based on what I have been through.

My current bf did a ridiculous amount of chasing in the beginning – i wasn’t interested but got to know him and have really come to like him, love him in fact. I am shocked that I can feel that way bout someone so soon. We have been spending more and more time together (we both live at home again for various reasons) and it is hard to make a relationship work when we don’t have as much freedom as we should at our ages. I think we both love each other and he seems really into the relationship saying he thinks we will end up getting married etc - all very positive and both of us making plans and hoping and wishing in our own heads, although he has probably been more vocal than me on that front.


The thing is when we together he is so caring, joking , talking about the future – up to Wednesday he was anyway. But in the days we not together he doesn’t send anything like the amount of texts that he used to. We could be texting away and he will stop texting abruptly, his texts aren’t as affectionate as they used to, he doesn’t do little things like send a text on his break to say hi like he used to. Every time we are apart i have myself convinced he is not interested over a long list of little things like that but then we meet and everything is grand and he says he loves me and talks about future etc. Its the mixed signals and not knowing where I stand is driving me mad.


We had planned to go to a thing next weekend and stay over (its not our first night away by any means) and now suddenly he is working and “will see what he can do”. We met up day before yesterday and I barely got a kiss which is so unlike him , but yet that same day was his only day off in a long time and he spent it all with me, actually learning a sport that I spend a lot of my spare time at. He had become withdrawn in the last three days, but yet when i say him three days ago (not yesterday) he was in great form and talking about our future.


the signals I am getting off him are polar opposites. I already said it to him a few weeks ago when he didn’t reply to a couple of messages and i don’t want to come across as a psycho. I know some of you are thinking maybe he is seeing someone else but I know that’s not possible as works long hours and we see each other as much as we can in between.

I am too old and emotionally fragile at the moment to be dealing with these feelings and mixed signals - in fairness its prob me reading too far into things. Maybe he is just relaxing and the “honeymoon” period is coming to an end. Also he has a lot to deal with at home – thats partly the reason his is still living there. Perhaps he has his reasons to be cold and distant at times, but I would like to think I deserve a bit of consistency at least. The uncertainty is driving me mad and wearing me out mentally. Do you think I should say something or what are your thoughts?

Thanks so much for your thoughts J

nicechick!

Oh I hate those damn insecure moments at the start of any relationship but in fairness its very early days don't over dwell on things to much, he's probably freaked himself out a tad bit talking of the long term future when you've only being together a few months.



See how it goes

Good luck

Miss Fluff

texthimornot wrote: »

I am too old and emotionally fragile at the moment to be dealing with these feelings and mixed signals - in fairness its prob me reading too far into things. Maybe he is just relaxing and the “honeymoon” period is coming to an end. Also he has a lot to deal with at home – thats partly the reason his is still living there. Perhaps he has his reasons to be cold and distant at times, but I would like to think I deserve a bit of consistency at least. The uncertainty is driving me mad and wearing me out mentally. Do you think I should say something or what are your thoughtsJ

Yes I do think you should say something. You're both mature and if this is causing you that much stress then tell him how you feel. If he can't cope with that/thinks you are a psycho then his words were empty and can't have meant anything. I think if he is keen on you like he says then if you say that you are a bit confused/insecure then he won't mind you being straight up about how you are feeling...

parrai

texthimornot wrote: »

I am in my v early thirties and have been seeing my bf for 5 months now – I was previously engaged to a guy I was going out with for ten years so the whole dating thing is still vey new and suppose my emotions are still very raw based on what I have been through.





My current bf did a ridiculous amount of chasing in the beginning – i wasn’t interested but got to know him and have really come to like him, love him in fact... he thinks we will end up getting married etc - all very positive and both of us making plans and hoping and wishing in our own heads, although he has probably been more vocal than me on that front.

Hi,

How long were you engaged for? Did you tell him how you felt about being engaged?
It's possible he feels that this is what you would be looking for, and having chased you for so long, may have said this (although he probably means it) as a way of showing you he is serious too...

texthimornot wrote: »

The thing is when we together he is so caring, joking , talking about the future – up to Wednesday he was anyway. But in the days we not together he doesn’t send anything like the amount of texts that he used to. We could be texting away and he will stop texting abruptly, his texts aren’t as affectionate as they used to, he doesn’t do little things like send a text on his break to say hi like he used to. Every time we are apart i have myself convinced he is not interested over a long list of little things like that but then we meet and everything is grand and he says he loves me and talks about future etc. Its the mixed signals and not knowing where I stand is driving me mad.

He sounds like he is tends to go through moods of 'high and low'.

Did anything happen before wednesday, anything you think might have upset him? If so, between then and now, he may have resolved his 'problem'.

texthimornot wrote: »

We had planned to go to a thing next weekend and stay over (its not our first night away by any means) and now suddenly he is working and “will see what he can do”. We met up day before yesterday and I barely got a kiss which is so unlike him , but yet that same day was his only day off in a long time and he spent it all with me, actually learning a sport that I spend a lot of my spare time at. He had become withdrawn in the last three days, but yet when i say him three days ago (not yesterday) he was in great form and talking about our future.


the signals I am getting off him are polar opposites. I already said it to him a few weeks ago when he didn’t reply to a couple of messages and i don’t want to come across as a psycho. I know some of you are thinking maybe he is seeing someone else but I know that’s not possible as works long hours and we see each other as much as we can in between.

I am too old and emotionally fragile at the moment to be dealing with these feelings and mixed signals - in fairness its prob me reading too far into things. Maybe he is just relaxing and the “honeymoon” period is coming to an end. Also he has a lot to deal with at home – thats partly the reason his is still living there. Perhaps he has his reasons to be cold and distant at times,...

Does he talk about what is going on at home? Maybe try talking with him about it, as in, you are trying to help him.

PennyLane88

Sounds like a situation i had with my ex - he would constantly blow hot and cold, it would wreak my head! Turned out he still had feelings for his ex and was still in touch with her, so that was the end of our relationship.

I tend to find alot of guys do that - its like they get scared of getting into a relationship and give the cold approach.

Maybe he's scared off that you were going out with someone for 10 years and that you might end up getting back together, or maybe he doesnt want anything too serious atm? That would be my view.

The only way you'll find out is to mention this to him - and that sometimes you dont know where you stand with him, maybe that'll solve the lack of communication.