My girlfriend is suffering from paranoia

LegacyUser

Hi All,

I just broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years. We were at a festival in Germany in the August and took some drugs. Later that night she felt that myself and my friends wanted to run away from her and that people were saying horrible things about her among other things.

Since then we have argued over what happened. I tried to explain and reason with her but nothing worked. Even when I could prove that X didnt happen, her story would just start to change or grow more. She was absolutely convinced of what she saw.

We argued a lot and eventually I got her to agree to go to a therapist together. There were so many events it took 2 sessions (weekly sessions) to even explain what happened. At this stage I was thinking that the therapist could give us some advise, but didnt give us anything helpful apart from try to be nice to each other.

After more fights, we rang an independent friend to verify what happened. She was shocked by this and said that it will take time for her to digest it all. We said it to the therapist the next week. He asked to just see her alone from then on.

Fast forward 3 weeks on, she still wont even touch me. If I go to visit my brother she thinks I am out cheating on her. If I check a text she thinks it is some girl. If I am on the internet she thinks I am doing worse. I get a bit upset and angry each time this happens, but then try to understand and will show her the text or whatever I can to prove to her to put her mind at ease.

We just were being pushed further and further apart. I knew that we wouldnt last longer. She was getting angrier and even throwing things in the apt when we did fight that she would never do before. She would shout a lot and get very upset, then take a long time to calm down from crying. I kept asking her to see a GP (from the very start - approx 2 months ago but she would never make the appointment). The other day she did after I more or less made the call and handed the phone to her. The doctor said to her to keep going to the therapy and she could get a herbal type sedative in the chemist if she felt she needed it. That night she cancelled the therapist and said that she couldnt take the pain anymore. She doesnt want to try to patch things, she thinks that it has gone past the point of no return, that she has fallen out of love with me.

She wont talk to any of her friends about this, not even the one that she is staying with at the moment.

I feel let down by doctor and the therapist, but maybe I was expecting too much from them.

I think the only thing I can do now is give her space and at least give her mind a rest from these things that she is thinking. I miss her so much.

Does anyone have experience with anything like this? Thank you

LegacyUser

Jaysus. Finding it hard to make head or tails of this one.

The drug induced paranoia? Was it acid? Mushies? Some kind of comedown? Skunk?

TBH in my experience, having had the odd paranoid druggie moment over the years - well, it's never been something that's stayed with me for months afterwards. I haven't seen that among my friends either. Of course, rumour has it that these things can set off schizophrenia... but she doesn't sound schizophrenic? Surely the therapist would have flagged that? Is she functional in other ways right now?

I'm really not getting it. I imagine you guys are pretty young. How long are you together? What were things like before this festival? Would you say that you have a relationship that involves lots of 'drama'? Are either of you prone to dramatic acts, speech, ultimatums? Is it possible that your gf is quite an insecure girl? Maybe she has free floating insecurity that has latched onto this incident at the festival?, in the same way that people with anxiety about life might let their fears manifest as a single fear of spiders?

And this break up? Is it real - or a cry for help? What do you want? Be careful your needs don't get lost in all this.

Maybe send her a message or tell her that you want you her to be well and happy - whether you're together or not. Tell her you will do all you can to help, but you can't loose yourself either. Then give her space and time. You cannot convince her of anything, obviously. In seeing the therapist etc. you have done what you can. Step back now. It seems like she needs to decide whether she's ready to get well.

trio

Are all the arguments about what happened that night? If she was out of her face then she obviously thinks that what she saw that night was real.

But unfortunately her behaviour since is troubling, as someone else would think "Everyone else I know is telling me that wasn't so; therefore it must have been the drugs distorting my perception"
But if she is thinking "Everyone else is lying to me - I am the only one I can trust", then it does sound like it could be a mental health issue.

If she has a fixed delusion that will not be amended in any way, and it is interfering in her entire life, then she unfortunately needs more than a GP. She may need to be referred to a consultant psychiatrist, which is not as alarming as it sounds by the way. Many more people than you have any idea of have regular outpatients appointments with the HSE psychiatric services - it's just that nobody talks about it.

You may feel let down by the GP but it's plain that he/she only was acting on what she said, and did not realise the seriousness of it. It is very difficult for a GP to correctly diagnose someone who is paranoid when as far as the GP knows all that they're saying is true! I would say that in an ideal world your girlfriend would go back to the GP and ask for a referral to an outpatient psychiatrist. I have seen many patients (am in the health service) with fixed ideas that are either paranoid or persecutary, and generally medication is the most effective resource to break the thought cycle.

However it does not sound like your girlfriend has such an inclination. It is one of the great challenges with someone who may not be in the best mental health, that they occasionally do not think there is anything wrong with their ideas, or that there is no decent help out there anyway.

It does seem at the least that continuing your relationship is not helping her, and I agree with you that it may be best to stay away for a time. However, I would be suprised if you are the cause of all her paranoia, and I would be suprised if it ended just because you removed yourself. I have a suspicion her paranoia will attach itself to something/someone else. She may start removing herself from all her friends, for example. If that happens, then you have to recognise the signs of someone being self-destructive, and you should get together with her friends to discuss reaching out to her.

But lets hope it doesn't come to that. Lets hope that out of a relationship that is distressing her, that she becomes less distressed.

Take care of yourself OP. Please don't blame yourself. You have done everything that anyone could suggest. You have to take care of your own mental health now, as it's not just her that has just come out of a distressing relationship.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the helpful advice, esp Trio.

After a few days she asked to meet and we did. She apologised and explained that she did love me and knows she is being paranoid. She did a quick test on the internet and answered it truthfully. Result was that the chances of her being paranoid was high. She was completely shocked as this was the first time that someone (or something) gave her an objective view.

Trio - "You may feel let down by the GP but it's plain that he/she only was acting on what she said, and did not realise the seriousness of it. It is very difficult for a GP to correctly diagnose someone who is paranoid when as far as the GP knows all that they're saying is true!"

Yes, that was exactly the problem. After the online test she went back to the doctor and was honest with him. Doctor confirmed that yes she was feeling paranoid and recommended a psychologist. He said to keep going to the therapist if it helps, but its not essential. (Basically, a therapist could never have helped).

All going better now but still a long way to go.

Thanks again for all the advice:-)