Dealing with clashing personalities

LegacyUser

This is a common situation that is a bit petty. I should be able to deal with it, but I'm just a bit unsure of how to approach things, so any advice is welcome.

I am female, and in my group of friends there is one girl that I just don't see eye to eye with. For the sake of clarity, I shall call her Friend A. She is arrogant, snobby, condescending, and just generally not very likeable. Except, I seem to be alone in this viewpoint. Everyone else in the group seems to think she's wonderful, and can't see past the false front she puts up. I know one of my close friends agrees with me, it came up in conversation one day and we both had an "Oh, I thought I was the only one who felt that way!" moment. At times I think I sense that others are a bit exasperated with her as well, but it could be my own views clouding it.

I try to stay out of her way as much as possible, but it is difficult as she is somewhat of a "group leader", so to speak. When she is around I try my best to be polite and civil, no more. Sometimes, though, there are moments when she just does my head in. She will constantly adjust her opinion to suit the conversation at hand - or, rather, to go against it. For example, at the moment our group is trying to organise a holiday together for next year, as we probably won't see each other much afterwards. We've settled on a destination, now we need to sort out the finer details. At the beginning of our discussions of where we'd like to go, she said outright "I don't want to go anywhere in Ireland or the UK, I think that would be too boring." Fair enough, we have picked somewhere in Europe. The other night at a party, about 4 of us from the group were discussing the trip. One friend said that she might not be able to afford it, and I suggested a few things, like perhaps cutting the trip down from a week to 5 days. Friend A said that she'd rather have a week, and didn't understand why we were going abroad when there are plenty of places in Ireland that we could go to, despite the fact that she was the one who was against that idea in the first place! I pointed out to her that we'd said in the beginning that we wanted to go abroad rather than stay at home, to which she just shrugged. Then another friend from outside our group who won't be going away with us, was talking about their plans for next summer. These involved simply getting a bus/train and seeing where it took them. Friend A then said something along the lines of "But what if you end up somewhere awful?" "That's part of the fun! I could end up somewhere awful, or I could end up somewhere great" "But everywhere in Ireland is awful!"

That's just one example, I could go on forever but I'm not here to rant and bitch. Basically I just want advice on how to put up with her. As I said, I already keep as much of a distance as possible, but it's difficult to avoid her really, and it's very hard to resist calling her out in situations like the one I've described above. I am hoping to cut all contact with her after this planned holiday goes ahead, but how can I keep my sanity until then?

Sorry for such a long post about such a trivial issue!

Eve_Dublin

I'm sorry to say I'm not getting the "unlikeable" vibe from that girl\s comments there. Yes, she's contradicted herself but she's also entitled to her opinion and she's entitled to change it. No one is perfect.

Maybe I'm wrong though...

Listen OP, perhaps all it is is a personality clash. You're not obligated to get along with every one you meet and you won't. That's life. The rest of your friends like her, you don't. No problems. This happens among large groups of people but you simply can't please everyone. You're not obligated to call her and meet her on her own and as you said yourself, you won't see much of each other from next year on. The dynamics among girls and mainly younger girls can be tough.

We had a similar situation within my group of friends back in the day....there was one girl I didn't click with and would pick holes in every little thing she did. Everything she did was "bitchy" in my eyes. She could do no right. I ignored her and just got on with it but when I look back, I realise now I blew it out of proportion. We just didn't click. The same thing was the case among other girls in this group at various stages but we've all grown up now and have accepted each other, warts and all and I'm glad I did because the girl I clashed with back in the day is one of my best friends in the world now.

All I can say is, you're going to meet people in the groups you move within who you won't like but if others do, then you have to learn to live and let live and perhaps remind yourself that this girl is only human. If others like her, then she must have some good qualitites. That kind of thinking you have now about this girl can be a bad habit to get into and you can start raising the standards of behaviour for her and not for everyone else and that isn't fair either.

Bite your tongue, rise about it and be the bigger person in this situation.

mikemac

Your title is apt, sounds like a straightforward personality clash

I don't see the holiday planning as an issue or her trying to upset people, people change their mind all the time, it's normal

You're just not going to get on with everyone and if you have a bad impression of someone it's hard to change it
You say she is a leader, well yes that can annoy some people, maybe she talks over people in the group too?

Certainly I've been in college classes or work and within an hour of meeting some people I've taken a dislike to them but they are still in the circle.

If you want to move on after the holiday that's grand but be civil and don't be rash.
The others might agree with now and again but again it could be just your perception