Friends with the Ex

Smashhits

Hi all

I don't know if I'm posting in the correct place, mods feel free to move.

I'm separated now for over a year, we have 2 children together, we were together for 18 years.

My ex has tried to stay friends with me but I can't, I'm not ready yet and i don't know if I ever will.

We broke up because he cheated and the hurt/betrayal I feel is immense. I do miss him so much and if I'm honest I do still love him. I just can't seem to get past that hurt to be friends with him. I want him in my life so much but it hurts every time I see him. I don't really speak with him anymore and I miss the closeness we had. I know I'm probably rambling here and I'm sorry but everyday is so hard.

I suppose my question is if any of you out there have moved beyond the hurt and was able to have a friendship with the ex? Or am I fooling myself and should leave it all behing me?

LegacyUser

Hi I think you're fooling yourself you're not friends you love this man, of course you have to maintain some level of civility and cooperation for your children but OP that's the extent of it. I think he's being a little selfish he more than likely misses the attention and support you gave him as part of your relationship, he wants to have his cake and eat it to. The man cheated on you, if you're going to be friends with him who are your enemies going to be? What does he mean by friends as in hanging out, ringing eachother for chats or does he mean civil for the children?

I am a friend

Sorry to hear this happened to you..

He wants to be friends for his own selfish reasons and to make his life easier. What ages are the kids? Are the old enough to see him and you not have to meet him?

Smashhits

The man cheated on you, if you're going to be friends with him who are your enemies going to be? What does he mean by friends as in hanging out, ringing eachother for chats or does he mean civil for the children?

Thank you, I agree. I'm not sure how 'friendly' he wants to be, probably chats etc. We are civil for the children but I find that difficult as well.

He wants to be friends for his own selfish reasons and to make his life easier. What ages are the kids? Are the old enough to see him and you not have to meet him?

@I am a friend this it in a nutshell. He is a very selfish person. I agree he wants a easy life, always has. Luckily the kids are both teenagers 18 & 13 so they're old enough to make their own arrangements with him.

I suppose I'm just finding it difficult to move on with my life as he was such a big part of it.

I am a friend

Well they are good ages so I would let the 3 of them sort out their arrangements between them. Then you don't need to see him should you?

So is the question how you get over him? Have you done any counselling sessions?

Smashhits

We're in mediation at the moment so that's brought all the emotion back! I scheduled some counselling starting next week so that should help....

Thanks for the replies.

I am a friend

Smashhits wrote: »

We're in mediation at the moment so that's brought all the emotion back! I scheduled some counselling starting next week so that should help....

Thanks for the replies.

Well that's good. Best of luck with the counselling