Accepting being alone forever

LegacyUser

so. i'm not sure if i'm bi or gay... either way i've had relationships with both sexes and it never seems to work out. i duno i guess i'm just not meant to have a relationship because if its with a girl, i'm not sure if i'm being totally honest with her.. and if it were with a guy i know that its socially, religiously wrong and more than that, my family would most definitely be against it.

so i'm just thinking. i can either: have a relationship with a guy and detach myself from 3 major parts of my life and ruined the other guy's life, or be extremely lucky and have a relationship with a girl who i will hopefully love and she'll love me back, or just accept the fact that i wont/ shouldn't find anyone.

so. should i start accepting? and how?

azezil

Your first step is to accept yourself, if you can't love yourself who can?

TylerIE

fil guest wrote: »

so. i'm not sure if i'm bi or gay... either way i've had relationships with both sexes and it never seems to work out. i duno i guess i'm just not meant to have a relationship because if its with a girl, i'm not sure if i'm being totally honest with her.. and if it were with a guy i know that its socially, religiously wrong and more than that, my family would most definitely be against it.

What do you mean you dont feel your being honest with her? Because your heart isnt in the relationship or just because you also sometimes like guys, but do like the girl a lot too.
If the only thing thats stopping you being with a guy is other peoples opinions I think you kinda know yourself how you really feel.

As regards socially - To be honest I feared that and its not a big deal once you get it over with. Once your out your out, and other people either get over it or they dont. If they dont you do yourself get over them pretty quick.

Religiously some mainstream Churches make out that its the biggest sin in the world, others have a more evolving view. Some less mainstream church's accept homosexuality as being fully normal. Biblical references to homosexuality are debatable and a growing number of Churches are coming to realise that.

As regards family you may be surprised. I know people who expected the families to kick them out, and were pleasantly surprised. I know people who assumed the family knew and were met with shock and horror when they "came out". My own family is very Catholic - daily mass, Priest always in the house, etc and the religious aspect wasnt a problem for them at all.

so i'm just thinking. i can either: have a relationship with a guy and detach myself from 3 major parts of my life and ruined the other guy's life, or be extremely lucky and have a relationship with a girl who i will hopefully love and she'll love me back, or just accept the fact that i wont/ shouldn't find anyone.

so. should i start accepting? and how?

Will you really love the girl or will you always be feeling like there is something missing in your life? And be wanting fleeting encounters with guys?

As the previous poster has said, maybe you should really examine what you would prefer - forgetting societal influences - a life with a man or a life with a woman? Accept yourself and the acceptance of others will follow...

easychair

fil guest wrote: »

so. i'm not sure if i'm bi or gay...

No one here can help you with that, and that's something you'll have to work out for yourself. If it's a help we are all somewhere on the spectrum, and some of us never really know exactly where we are. For me, I had lots of fun trying to find out.

For some, they meet someone with whom they fall in love, and all the rest slots into place.

It's happened couples all down through the ages that one or other parents didn't "approve" of their child's choice. I am in a very good relationship now after never thinking I would fall in love, and it never concerned me what anyone else might think. If someone else has a problem with who you fall in love with, you'll have to either understand that it is their problem, and not your problem, or else you'll have to run the risk of getting into a relationship with one person to please your mother, or father, or great aunt Jemima and so on.

Historically, many gay people escaped their unapproving family or neighbours or church by moving to another city, or country.

I can't offer any specific advice as I don't know you or your situation, but the only advice I would offer is to realilse that life is short, and we will all probably be dead in another 50 years, and to spend part of all of that time trying to please other people, at your own detriment, may not, when you look back at your life in old age, be what you then consider was a productive and good use of your time.

Wibbs

azezil wrote: »

Your first step is to accept yourself, if you can't love yourself who can?

*intruder alert* this is damn good advice, simplistic it may well seem, damned hard to follow at times and even harder to live up to, but it does boil down to this. If more people out there plugged into this and even made a start at believing it, life would be a lot easier for us all regardless of who we find ourselves to be as individuals.







*On rare occasions I do a post search on various folks on this site, Azezil being one(Stalker!!:eek:) as I have usually found good insights by doing so. No change here then.

Conor30

fil guest wrote: »

so. i'm not sure if i'm bi or gay... either way i've had relationships with both sexes and it never seems to work out. i duno i guess i'm just not meant to have a relationship because if its with a girl, i'm not sure if i'm being totally honest with her.. and if it were with a guy i know that its socially, religiously wrong and more than that, my family would most definitely be against it.

so i'm just thinking. i can either: have a relationship with a guy and detach myself from 3 major parts of my life and ruined the other guy's life, or be extremely lucky and have a relationship with a girl who i will hopefully love and she'll love me back, or just accept the fact that i wont/ shouldn't find anyone.

so. should i start accepting? and how?

At the end of the day, you have to be who you have to be. Otherwise, you'll run the risk of having many regrets later in life, when you look back on your time.

I think you need to start taking small steps at accepting yourself. Be kind to yourself. Really get to know yourself and love yourself. You might never find a guy that you deeply love and have a relationship with but at least you'll have tried. The best thing is to try to become comfortable with yourself, even if you're single forever.

brandodub

I've felt similar at times but if you know how it all should feel and really believe in yourself AND your true feelings perhaps it wont be so bad and rely on whoever you can.
If all else fails you can still post here - we're still listening

Barna77

With all the guys out there behaving like kids/idiots/wánkers, one's bound to be forever alone

:mad:

So you're better off looking for a girl

ongarboy

Barna77 wrote: »

With all the guys out there behaving like kids/idiots/wánkers, one's bound to be forever alone

:mad:

So you're better off looking for a girl

It's unfortunate that you have that outlook but I'm guessing you are basing it on personal experience, hence you're reason for making that statement? Most of the guys and girls who post on the LGBT forum come across as the exact opposite to what you describe so surely that is a cause for optimism. Not all are bad, are they?

I agree that there are shallow, immature and unpleasant types out there but in my experience, there are lots of really nice, sound and friendly people out there too. Partners/relationships should complement and enhance your existing happiness and sense of fulfilment, not be the primary reason or driver of whether you are happy and fulfilled. Furthermore, potential partners will be more drawn to someone who is happy, accepting and loving of their own selves.

BuffyBot

so. should i start accepting?

If life has thought me one thing, it has thought me to never be resigned to one outcome. Things change constantly. Sure change may be slow, but things do change. The only thing to accept is that sure, this is how your life is now - but it doesn't mean that's how it is forever.

gaa131

fil guest wrote: »

so. i'm not sure if i'm bi or gay... either way i've had relationships with both sexes and it never seems to work out. i duno i guess i'm just not meant to have a relationship because if its with a girl, i'm not sure if i'm being totally honest with her.. and if it were with a guy i know that its socially, religiously wrong and more than that, my family would most definitely be against it.

so i'm just thinking. i can either: have a relationship with a guy and detach myself from 3 major parts of my life and ruined the other guy's life, or be extremely lucky and have a relationship with a girl who i will hopefully love and she'll love me back, or just accept the fact that i wont/ shouldn't find anyone.

so. should i start accepting? and how?

Well, the first thing you need to do is to be honest with and accept yourself.

Secondly stop predicting the future and focus on the 'now' - life in the present. Accept being alone for now, but don't cut off the possibility of being with someone in the future.

There could be a number of reasons why your relationships have not worked out so far but if you're gay and trying to be straight it's either going to be strained or it's not going to work.

In relation to your family - don't under-estimate their love for you. The don't love you because you're straight and are unlikely to stop loving you because you're gay - again you need to stop predicting the future and focus on the present.

gaa131

BuffyBot wrote: »

If life has thought me one thing, it has thought me to never be resigned to one outcome. Things change constantly. Sure change may be slow, but things do change. The only thing to accept is that sure, this is how your life is now - but it doesn't mean that's how it is forever.

Absolutely. Predicting outcomes or the future is pointless and cuts off the full extent of endless possibilities.

The only thing we know for certain is what is now - the past and the future exist only in our thoughts and have no reality.