He doesn't contact me often because it makes him miss me??

LegacyUser

I am in a long distance relationship. We're in separate countries and see each other 1-2 times a month. We've been going out for 6 months. We fell in love (I know it seems like a very short time, but we did know each other before the distance came into effect).

I like us to communicate at least every second day - even if it's just a small message. During last week, he initiated contact with me once via text. I initiated texts twice and suggested a call at the weekend.

I feel like he doesn't care when he doesn't initiate contact for days. I want him to have as much space as he likes, but we're already separated by the distance and I want to maintain a relationship, so I do think communication is so important. When we're together, we talk about everything and it's great.

I have spoken to him about it. It seems like he prefers less contact, whereas I like more. He said that contact actually makes it harder for him; that he really misses me so much more after we get off the phone to each other etc. He wants me to move in with him next year and tells me he really loves me.

It would be interesting to get opinions. Does anyone in a long distance relationship like to not contact their other half for a number of days because it makes them miss them too much, because they love them so much? it's one thing I'm trying very hard to get my head around. Thanks!.

LegacyUser

I was in a long distance relationship (half way across the world). We kept in contact but there is only so much you can say... other than the hum-drum everyday stuff. So we kept in touch every 1 or 2 weeks. Talked alot on the phone. We both knew we only had an idea of love between us, we loved each other but we couldn't go out on dates or make love being so far apart. The few times we did see each other were made all the more special when we could be together.

But in our case we eventually contacted each other less and drifted apart as the huge distance between us was probably too great. We both began to see other people, though we stay in contact, there is always that little bit of wonder - what might have happened if things were just a little bit different. For me to work in her country would have meant a serious commitment based on relatively little time with her, were we compatible enough? And I don't take marriage lightly. It will remain what could of been.

But if you are seeing each other reguarly, I don't see much of a problem. Moving in with someone is much less of a commitment than marriage after a short courting. If this is something you want then I would say go for it, you only live once. But I found when I got txts like 'Thinking of you' or 'Missing you so much' it would make the longing so much worse for me, when I would have just preoccupied myself with work. But I found txts like 'I can wait to see you' or shall we say more explicit txts the closer we were to seeing each other were great and really hightened feelings of love between us. So my advice would be to contact less during the week and more when you are about to see each other and at the weekends. I hope it works out for you, good luck!

Alopex

sounds like BS to me. I once had a LD girlfriend who I didn't contact much because I wasn't that interested in her. not saying that's the case with your boyfriend but if you were high up on his priorities I would expect his longing to contact you should override any feelings of missing you post conversation

I am a friend

I don't understand his logic but then that doesn't matter - the issue is that the way he is behaving is not making you happy.

You need to tell him this, see if he wants to change and if not decide if this is enough.

ElleEm

I agree with Alopex.
Because you don't see each other that much, I would imagine he would want MORE contact with you, especially if you are only 6 months in to your relationship.