Should I have gone further?

LegacyUser

This is really very fickle compared to some of the threads that are on the thread so I apologize in advance. My ex broke up with me about three months ago after he cheated with someone else.
Iv kissed a few guys since alright but at the weekend ended up going to a house party and ended up with a guy in his room. We kissed and I know he wanted sex. I have never done the whole one night stand thing before because I felt that it would make me cheap, but since im not in a relationship anymore and I dont want to be in one again for a long while im starting to think... why not? I've only ever had sex with my previous boyfriend and never really enjoyed it. would it be okay to try it out one night stands? or would potential boyfriends in the future be turned off by it if you had behaved like that? Im 22. I really wanted to go further with this guy and he was not impressed when I left the room and didnt relieve him as such! I no he could have been an asshole, but I probably was a bit mean to tease him like crazy and then not do anything as such?
Ever since, I cant help but feel sorry that I didnt take things further. Was thinking of sending him a facebook message and maybe 'making it up to him' or should I just leave it and wait till i go on a few dates with a guy before going there?
Sorry I know this is really stupid compared to other issues on the thread.
Thanks in advance

LegacyUser

Don't beat yourself up. You're not being fickle, you're conflicted. On the one hand you worry about your image, but on the other you have desires that you now regret not going along with.

No one can tell you if sport-sex is right for you. Some people are very comfortable with it, some aren't. It sounds from your regret at not following through on your desires that you might fall closer towards the former category.

Take it easy and go easy on yourself. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having some lighthearted fun in some less-than-serious relationships if you're single and you're not being coerced into doing so, or doing so against your better judgment (e.g. if you had serious feelings for someone, but they didn't reciprocate, and you went along with having non-relationship sex in the hopes that a relationship would develop).

Be careful, but do have fun. You're only young once after all.

Oh, and as for me personally, I wouldn't worry about what some hypothetical person might think of me at some point in the future. It might be a reason to think on things though, if you think that you would judge someone else in that same way. If that's the case then you might need to do a little more soul searching before proceeding with any sport-sexing. Depending on how you (YOU, not some hypothetical future partner) feel about doing it or not doing it, that will give you some insight into whether you're conservative or not. Whether you're 'too' conservative is something only you can determine.

fungun

Its your body, your life, your decision. If you feel like you would like to try it out, then typically Id recommend doing it. However you dont sound very sure about what you want to be honest. You say you would like to but also mention you felt like it would make you cheap.
So I wouldnt worry about what prospective boyfriends would think (most wouldnt be put off, unless perhaps your number was very high!), but I would have a think about what you really want and how you think you will feel about it.
Best of luck

fallen01angel

amitooconservative? wrote: »

I really wanted to go further with this guy and he was not impressed when I left the room and didnt relieve him as such! I no he could have been an asshole, but I probably was a bit mean to tease him like crazy and then not do anything as such?
Ever since, I cant help but feel sorry that I didnt take things further. Was thinking of sending him a facebook message and maybe 'making it up to him'

Hi OP,
If you want to try the one night stand thing then go for it,it's not everyone's cup of tea,will some guys think less of you,maybe/maybe not,as the person above said probably would depend on the number you have.^^This jumped off the page at me-I think if it I were you I'd be bloody delighted to have had a narrow escape,the guy sounds like an a**e,he wasn't impressed cos you didn't give him what he was clearly thought he was "entitled " to.Please please don't facebook him to offer "making it up to him" Something clearly didn't feel right to you on the night and you stopped yourself from making a decision that you would regret in the morning.To be honest you should be feeling pretty proud of yourself right now,well done you.

Firetrap

One night stands don't suit everyone. For some people, they're great fun but for others they're a hollow experience. There's no one answer to the issue. There's also no one answer to how future boyfriends would feel about them if you told them. It bothers some, doesn't bother others. You said you didn't enjoy sex with your ex-boyfriend. Why? Was he lousy in the scratcher or did you not fancy him enough? What makes you think you'd enjoy sex with a stranger?

Oh and I agree with the poster above me. Don't bother contacting the guy from the other night. Better to leave that one in the past.

LegacyUser

I don't think you have to make it up to him, unless you really fancy him and are just up for some good fun. You are pretty young and if it's something you want to try then you are your own person. I have had a few ONS and they have ranged from awful boozy nightmares to kinky self-esteem boosting one-offs.

Everyone is different and as long as it doesn't become a habit I think it can only be a good thing for you to try seen as you have a desire to do it. It's non of your future-boyfriends business what you have got up to in your past, as far as I'm concerned. Maybe you once tried anal sex, do you think your future-boyfriend would want to know in detail that you've tried it before... no. So if you had a ONS keep it to yourself, it's no one elses business.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for your replies everyone!
i normally wouldnt be like this at all... but i just was sooo attracted to this guy.. found it so hard to resist doing more..
he was absolutley gorgeous and i thought we clicked... maybe im confused...i prob would have wanted to see this guy again if i did do it with him? thats not one night stand then is it?..oh im so confused...
as for the reason i didnt enjoy it with the boyfriend.. i think you hit the nail on the head... i dont know if i was really attracted to him.. then i suppose i wonder if im any good at it or not coz iv never did it with anyone else...

thanks everyone for the advice on the guy from the other night.. i think he's one of those guys who can have anyone he wants because he's just so gorgeous... he sulked like a child in the bed when i left the room without doing anything! i thought he was only joking (i was drunk aswell and i really did tease him... but if he was interested would he have not got my number? but then again he was v. pissed off when i left...

IrishEyes19

amitooconservative? wrote: »

This is really very fickle compared to some of the threads that are on the thread so I apologize in advance. My ex broke up with me about three months ago after he cheated with someone else.
Iv kissed a few guys since alright but at the weekend ended up going to a house party and ended up with a guy in his room. We kissed and I know he wanted sex. I have never done the whole one night stand thing before because I felt that it would make me cheap, but since im not in a relationship anymore and I dont want to be in one again for a long while im starting to think... why not? I've only ever had sex with my previous boyfriend and never really enjoyed it. would it be okay to try it out one night stands? or would potential boyfriends in the future be turned off by it if you had behaved like that? Im 22. I really wanted to go further with this guy and he was not impressed when I left the room and didnt relieve him as such! I no he could have been an asshole, but I probably was a bit mean to tease him like crazy and then not do anything as such?
Ever since, I cant help but feel sorry that I didnt take things further. Was thinking of sending him a facebook message and maybe 'making it up to him' or should I just leave it and wait till i go on a few dates with a guy before going there?
Sorry I know this is really stupid compared to other issues on the thread.
Thanks in advance

Hi, OP, regardless of whether or not you want a relationship or just fun. You do not owe that guy anything, and certainly have nothing to make up for.

So what if he wasnt impressed that you didnt sleep with him. And in my opinon you would be sending out the wrong message by "making it up to him" by sleeping with him

Certainly have your fun, enjoy being single. but never feel that because you decide not to take it further that it is inconsiderate or wrong of you.

People can argue that being a tease and leading a guy on is wrong. But life isnt always that black and white. Getting in the moment can happen very quickly, but that doesnt mean that deciding not to have sex or do something, suddenly, is the wrong decision to make. Always trust your instincts. The best advice I can give is, when its right, it will feel right. Whether it was fear, uncertainty or not being ready that night, it most likely happened for the right reason.

Dont worry about it at all.

LegacyUser

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

People can argue that being a tease and leading a guy on is wrong. But life isnt always that black and white. Getting in the moment can happen very quickly, but that doesnt mean that deciding not to have sex or do something, suddenly, is the wrong decision to make. Always trust your instincts. The best advice I can give is, when its right, it will feel right. Whether it was fear, uncertainty or not being ready that night, it most likely happened for the right reason.

Dont worry about it at all.

This is very good advice.

Short of having a person say to them, "I am going to have sex with you," there is absolutely no reason for any person to ever treat sex as an expectation much less an obligation on another person's part.

Payton

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

Certainly have your fun, enjoy being single. but never feel that because you decide not to take it further that it is inconsiderate or wrong of you.

People can argue that being a tease and leading a guy on is wrong. But life isnt always that black and white. Getting in the moment can happen very quickly, but that doesnt mean that deciding not to have sex or do something, suddenly, is the wrong decision to make. Always trust your instincts. The best advice I can give is, when its right, it will feel right. Whether it was fear, uncertainty or not being ready that night, it most likely happened for the right reason.

Dont worry about it at all.

Good advice, just be safe. Its all about FUN for both of you. You call the shots.....not him.

thefeatheredcat

amitooconservative? wrote: »

he sulked like a child in the bed when i left the room without doing anything! i thought he was only joking (i was drunk aswell and i really did tease him... but if he was interested would he have not got my number? but then again he was v. pissed off when i left...

Great advice here already!

I would steer well clear of this guy in the future based on his reaction. He can be pissed off if he wants to be, that's his reaction to the situation presented and its outcome and not a reflection of you. You have every right to change your mind and someone who is mature enough to be involved in ONS should be aware that things can only go as far as the individual's concerned are comfortable with and that you shouldn't feel bad/regretful/guilty you didn't go the whole way because of his reaction.

Outside of this guy, though, are you interested in having one night stands, or is it purely because of this guy?

If you're feeling confused whether to have ONS because of what happened with this guy, then let it be for a while, but definitely write this guy off.

If you meet someone you like, and you think there's a possibility with the sexual chemistry that makes you feel positive and it feels right then approach the situation then.