Confused dateing advice .

bk1991

Ok so i am 20 male Kinda shy and quiet at first . Have never had a gf or experience with the whole dateing scene .Never realy bothered going out etc .BUt since going back to college seeing lads who is quiet younger than me haveing no problems with girls etc . My problem is i just can get the currage or sumthing like that to make the first move.Main reason is i sopose me havein no experience and dont know what to expect or that il make a complete f**k of it .This may sound stupid to most of ye lads ! Is there any self confidence boosting clases corses or that that deals with this . Or have ye any more advice ? If i dont do anything at 20 il never do it and still regret it .


cheers for reading

bk1991

Dravokivich

Only way to get experience is to go forth and have a stab at it. Some women won't want it, some women might. As easy as it is to say, but not so much to do, try not to take any rejections personally or use'em as a reason to stop going for it.

Star Lord

bk1991 wrote: »

Ok so i am 20 male Kinda shy and quiet at first . Have never had a gf or experience with the whole dateing scene .Never realy bothered going out etc .BUt since going back to college seeing lads who is quiet younger than me haveing no problems with girls etc . My problem is i just can get the currage or sumthing like that to make the first move.Main reason is i sopose me havein no experience and dont know what to expect or that il make a complete f**k of it .This may sound stupid to most of ye lads ! Is there any self confidence boosting clases corses or that that deals with this . Or have ye any more advice ? If i dont do anything at 20 il never do it and still regret it .


cheers for reading

bk1991

I was always fairly outgoing, but never had the confidence myself with girls, and didn't have my first girlfriend till I was 23. And trust me, once you decide "F**k it" and just try, it gets much easier! You have to have some belief in yourself, so if you feel yourself doubting yourself, try to trick yourself into feeling confident! Talk to the girls, strike up a bit of rapport, and you'll know if it's going well or not. If it is, just ask them if they would like to go do something together some time, if they accept, great, if they don't, then don't worry about it, and don't dwell on that, and don't see it as a failure. It's most definitely not a failure, it's just that it simply wasn't right.

You can do it.

Pawwed Rig

Have a go at online dating. It is easier to chat through IM and get to know the girl before meeting up. See the online dating thread on this forum. You'd be surprised at how many people use it (but never admit to it:))

Otis Driftwood

Moved from tGC.

bk1991

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

Moved from tGC.

cheers .i didnt know where to find suitable place for it

Maguined

DamoElDiablo wrote: »

And trust me, once you decide "F**k it" and just try, it gets much easier!

I can't echo this statement enough. I used to be a pretty shy and introverted guy, was pretty socially awkward most of my life with zero self confidence and only recently found my confidence by seriously not giving a F**K worrying about what if they say no etc.

Rejection is really no big deal at all, we simply build it up in our minds. There will always be the initial fear but once you do not let it stop you and just initiate a conversation the fear will lessen each time and you will be fine in no time. Who cares if a girls says no, the country is full of beautiful women so keep initiating and eventually you will find a girl that reciprocates your interest.

baggypants

Maguined wrote: »

I can't echo this statement enough. I used to be a pretty shy and introverted guy, was pretty socially awkward most of my life with zero self confidence and only recently found my confidence by seriously not giving a F**K worrying about what if they say no etc.

Rejection is really no big deal at all, we simply build it up in our minds. There will always be the initial fear but once you do not let it stop you and just initiate a conversation the fear will lessen each time and you will be fine in no time. Who cares if a girls says no, the country is full of beautiful women so keep initiating and eventually you will find a girl that reciprocates your interest.

I would have to echo both posts as well ,i was the same , shy, no confidence etc but you just have to go for it, dont let it beat you ,once you get over the initial fear it gets a lot easier each time

bk1991

hey guys thanks for all the advice have had so many chances so far and blew them all . The strikeing up the first words is still the hardest but as ye say if ya dont do it it wont be any easier .

The online dateing i am on pof its prety sh1t to be honast no one on it or it just full guys and not enough women .

parrai

There are a lot of girls that are shy too, so that's the good news... Girls like to know you are interested, so you should try finding common ground, like music, hobbies whatever... try talking to them about what they like, whilst talking about yourself... Talk too much about yourself and it looks like you are self absorbed, so get a happy medium (balance) But think about it, you see a girl you like in college, she is in your course, just say hi. Girls have an uncanny ability to know if you like them or not. Also it's not all about chatting the girl up, girls like guys that listen too... Listen to what she says to you, that is half your conversstion right there. Be yourself, don't be false, this will go well with the 'shy' thing. Not all girls want the 'loud, confident type', although confidence is important, not to be confused though with cocky!

It's all good, just be yourself, be confident in who you are, have a sense of humour, mixed with being able to be flexible and compromise, talk a bit, listen a lot and bobs yer uncle... Remember, there is no rush, take your time...

My 2 cents, good luck!

bk1991

parrai wrote: »

There are a lot of girls that are shy too, so that's the good news... Girls like to know you are interested, so you should try finding common ground, like music, hobbies whatever... try talking to them about what they like, whilst talking about yourself... Talk too much about yourself and it looks like you are self absorbed, so get a happy medium (balance) But think about it, you see a girl you like in college, she is in your course, just say hi. Girls have an uncanny ability to know if you like them or not. Also it's not all about chatting the girl up, girls like guys that listen too... Listen to what she says to you, that is half your conversstion right there. Be yourself, don't be false, this will go well with the 'shy' thing. Not all girls want the 'loud, confident type', although confidence is important, not to be confused though with cocky!

It's all good, just be yourself, be confident in who you are, have a sense of humour, mixed with being able to be flexible and compromise, talk a bit, listen a lot and bobs yer uncle... Remember, there is no rush, take your time...

My 2 cents, good luck!

thanks for reply

Taltos

There is also a thread in TGC specifically about on-line dating - maybe have a read of that to get a handle on some different sites.

Few things - try to stay relaxed with good (not obsessive) eye contact. Show you are interested, and don't go out with the intent of hooking up - if that is all you are looking for you will give off a desperate vibe that just scares folk away or will possibly just start a cycle of one night stands - again nothing wrong there - many folk enjoy those too, all down to personal taste.

Try some different ways of meeting women, for example take up new hobbies and activities - great thing here is you will have fun and hopefully gain not only something to talk about but confidence as well (not ego).

At the end of the day - you are still quite young - so don't start stressing out on not meeting anyone just yet - that will just work against you. Finally if it helps just remember many guys are just like you - tongue tied and nervous - and better yet - many of the women you will meet are just as nervous, so relax and just try to have fun.

bk1991

Taltos wrote: »

There is also a thread in TGC specifically about on-line dating - maybe have a read of that to get a handle on some different sites.

Few things - try to stay relaxed with good (not obsessive) eye contact. Show you are interested, and don't go out with the intent of hooking up - if that is all you are looking for you will give off a desperate vibe that just scares folk away or will possibly just start a cycle of one night stands - again nothing wrong there - many folk enjoy those too, all down to personal taste.

Try some different ways of meeting women, for example take up new hobbies and activities - great thing here is you will have fun and hopefully gain not only something to talk about but confidence as well (not ego).

At the end of the day - you are still quite young - so don't start stressing out on not meeting anyone just yet - that will just work against you. Finally if it helps just remember many guys are just like you - tongue tied and nervous - and better yet - many of the women you will meet are just as nervous, so relax and just try to have fun.

there cant be that many ? thanks for the advice so far guys and il check out the thread ''online dateing''

flowerchild

parrai wrote: »

There are a lot of girls that are shy too, so that's the good news... Girls like to know you are interested, so you should try finding common ground, like music, hobbies whatever... try talking to them about what they like, whilst talking about yourself... Talk too much about yourself and it looks like you are self absorbed, so get a happy medium (balance) But think about it, you see a girl you like in college, she is in your course, just say hi. Girls have an uncanny ability to know if you like them or not. Also it's not all about chatting the girl up, girls like guys that listen too... Listen to what she says to you, that is half your conversstion right there. Be yourself, don't be false, this will go well with the 'shy' thing. Not all girls want the 'loud, confident type', although confidence is important, not to be confused though with cocky!

It's all good, just be yourself, be confident in who you are, have a sense of humour, mixed with being able to be flexible and compromise, talk a bit, listen a lot and bobs yer uncle... Remember, there is no rush, take your time...

My 2 cents, good luck!

I'd like to echo this poster - great advice.

Just be yourself, don't feel that you have to have or run 'a line'. Join a group or groups. Give girls a chance to meet you and get to know you while you are planning or doing something else.