Better to have loved and lost?? Wish I knew :(

LegacyUser

I'm reading through all the threads in the RI section and am wondering am I better off never having had to deal with the heartache a lot of people seem to be going through?
Right now I'm feeling really quite lonely and am wondering will I ever find love.
Imagine at 34 years of age I've never really been in love...or loved...for that matter.
And that hurts like hell. I'm starting to wonder if I'll ever be lucky in love??
Have 3 siblings and they're all married...even my younger one has passed me by and tied the knot!
I just feel sad that all my teenage dreams and wishes have never come to fruition...ie get married have kids etc.
Now though I've almost given up on the kids part and am kind of ok with that.
Its the growing old alone part now that fills me with dread.
Sorry for this babbling thread but I'm struggling to stem my tears today and just felt that maybe writing down my feelings might help in some small way.
Thanks for taking the time to read.
And any words of encouragement or wisdom will be very much appreciated...

gmac102

Love yourself and the rest will follow

Miss Fluff

sunflower27 wrote: »

You only have to meet one person, and that can happen any day, any time.

I couldn't agree more. You only have to meet one person to fall in love and your life will change. You have to be OPEN to that happening though, I think it seems from your post like you have almost given up hope which would be an awful pity OP. It sounds like a cliche but it will happen when you least expect it

Fentdog84

I dont know what sort of personality you have but from your post you can start by being more positive. If you dont believe something will happen then it surely wont. Perhaps you've just been unlucky but sometimes you got to go out there and make things happen rather than waiting for them to happen. Pesimism just gives the excuse not to do anything. best of luck

fallen01angel

Hi OP,
Just to let you know,you're not on your own-there's plenty of girls feeling just like you,so many Nearly all of my friends have their husbands/families and I have no one special to share my life with.....at the mo. Yes it can get disheartening at times but you can't just roll over.......Life is truely for living,for all you know this time next week/month/year you could find yourself madly in love and look back on this time and think why was I getting so freaked,so my advice to you is to enjoy the life you have now,get out with friends and stop putting yourself under pressure,you've got all the time in the world.
What is meant for you will not pass you by.:)

LegacyUser

Aw, so many people, women and men, have been in the same place you are now. Some are at this moment feeling the very same way. I've been there myself and I know how hard loneliness can be.

But like sunflower said, live your life for you. If you don't currently have anyone to love you back, then you'll just have to love yourself that much harder. This is so very true:

fallen01angel wrote: »

What is meant for you will not pass you by.:)

Make yourself happy while you wait. Find things that you enjoy and focus on them, and when you find yourself feeling like you are now, wishing for someone to love, then turn that around on yourself and love yourself up a little. Even spoil yourself, at least a little. You deserve to feel good, and not be hurting.

LegacyUser

OP here again.
Thanks guys for all your positive and constructive advise.
I guess the hardest thing for me is the fact that I've never had anyone really special in my life. Or anyone that ever made me feel really special. Never been in love.
Without doubt thats the hardest thing for me right now.
The fact that most of my friends are in relationships and that my social life is much quieter as a result isnt easy either. Hardly going to meet someone whilst sitting in on a Saturday night!!
Have another wedding on Friday, 4 weeks after my younger brothers wedding, and yet again have no +1. And yet again will be the odd one out at the table!!
I'm fully aware that life could be a whole lot worse...and am very thankful to be able to say that. However...its hard to keep the spirits alive all the time and lonliness sneaks its way inside me every so often. Unfortunately today is 1 of those days.
I'd like to think that for the most part I'm a positive person. I'd also like to think that I'm a good person, that I have a lot of love in my heart to give to the right person and that I deserve to find that someone special to love. So PG 1 day I'll find him, but in the meantime I'm just gonna go with the flow and hope that theres truth in the saying..'whats for you wont pass you'.
1 things for sure....I'd rather be on the shelf in 1 piece than on the floor in peaces.

parrai

lonely.com wrote: »

1 things for sure....I'd rather be on the shelf in 1 piece than on the floor in peaces.

hi,

I know this is what you think and this is fair enough...

Just a thought though...

There is nothing like the feeling of spending time with someone who you care deeply about, and you know they feel the same. They make you light up when you see them, you anticipate meeting them, you gets a strange beautiful feeling inside from this, like a mixture of childish excitement and sickness, but not nausea, more like a overflowing feeling of joy.

You want to spend all your time with them, you hurt when they hurt, you want to call in sick to just hang out and do nothing...

These are some of the feelings that make people do crazy things when they are in love...

The reason people write here with broken hearted, sometimes confused stories, looking for advice is cause they loved the way this felt...

It's human to want to love and be loved...It makes us feel good, like when you do something good, selflessly for someone else.

So what i'm saying is, don't leave yourself on the shelf, because whilst you are not in the situations as some of the people on here, these situations are only for the short term, whereas being happy, in terms of time lasts a lot longer more often than not.

So it is better to have loved and lost, than not to love at all...

Good luck.

LegacyUser

Just as I had suspected....
Hopefully 1 day I'll know the feeling of being loved....but not the latter!
Thanks again for your replies folks.

beks101

Hi OP,

I think a lot of this has to do with mindset. You've been single for so long, and have never fallen in love, so a little part of you has come to see yourself as permanently single and unlovable.

I was like this for a long time. I had self-esteem issues to top matters and just felt utterly hopeless, helpless and romantically challenged. It was nothing to do with others; it was all me. I had appointed myself to the role of wallflower, didn't want to be noticed or draw attention to myself, and although I longed for a little attention, I didn't see myself as worthy of it.

Then some things changed. I started working out a lot, for one. I think doing something physical that makes you feel good about yourself, pumps you with endorphins and allows you to meet some big fitness goals makes it difficult for you to feel so down about yourself. You're physically getting stronger every day and in turn your confidence strengthens.

I also made some big achievements in the workplace, through sheer hard work and dedication and - as a spillover from my new surge in confidence - utter cheekiness. I was feeling like less of a wallflower, which made me less scared of standing up and making myself noticed professionally.

Gradually, I began to look around and realise that people were looking at me. People were checking me out! I went from someone who walked down the street avoiding all eye contact, to the kind of person who smiles and says hello to strangers. I just felt better about myself and went from staring at the ground or looking over the shoulder of that cute guy walking towards me, to looking directly at him and smiling. I became a more open person - not necessarily because I wanted to meet someone, but because I was just a more confident person and that was reflected in my body language.

Now I'm still single, but this time it's because I really want to be. I date a lot and get asked out in the most random of places, the supermarket, the subway station...and I'm having a ball! I love being single, I get a lot of attention and I'm meeting guys because I'm open to it, not writing myself off by thinking of myself as someone who is unworthy of it. Thinking of yourself in that way is a personal hell and the most unproductive thing you can do if you want to meet someone. No-one wants to meet someone who hates themselves. People are attracted to positive, confident, open, friendly, fun-loving people.

Do what you have to do to be that person. Be it marathon-training, creative writing, charity work, travel, hell - even a brand new haircut. You're not a lost cause. If you open yourself up to it, you have the same chance as anyone else at falling in love - but opening yourself up is the key. Nothing will change unless this happens. Best of luck, and have fun!

LegacyUser

@ Becks...thanks for your lovely words of advise and encouragement.
And indeed to you all!
Just needed a place to write down how I was feeling the other evening. It really helped get through what was a difficult time though.
I'm going through a massive transformation in my life right now.
Have been overweight all my life, which needless to say hasnt helped the confidance or self esteem issues too much. And is without doubt a contributory factor to never having been lucky in love. And sure that has as much to do with the fact that I didnt love myself so how on earth anyone else was supposed to I dont know?!!
Anyway...3 months ago I had weight loss surgery and am pleased to say I've lost 5 st so far! Have the same to go again but without doubt its been the best decision I've ever made in my life.
I have a friends wedding tomorrow and I'm led to believe that there'll be a few single men at it so ya never know!!! LOL!!
Ah well on a serious note....right now my priority is myself and being happy and if I'm lucky enough to meet a nice man on my journey then that'll be wonderful.
In the meantime though I'm just gonna live my life and be grateful for every day...

beks101

Fair play on making the decision to have the surgery and for losing all that weight! This is really the beginning of a metamorphosis for you and I think the confidence you build from losing the weight is going to boost you no end.

Just do everything in your power to keep a positive mindset and you'll see how things start to change for you. This really is a mind over matter thing and by all accounts you're halfway there already. Enjoy the wedding!:)

I am a friend

Well done on the weight loss!!!! After doing than you can do anything