Depressed, Feeling Alone... Don't know what to do

LegacyUser

I'm a 23 year old male, and I've suffered from depression for at least 10 years. Sometimes it's not so bad, just lingering in the background. Other times, I just feel like I can't go on. I work a lot, I'm fairly successful in life (I live on my own, I drive, I want for nothing really, and I consider that to be pretty good), so I don't know why I should feel so down... From the outside, it must look like I'm just being a drama-queen and a self-pitying fool, but I genuinely know that it is depression.

Lately, I've been getting really upset about how some of my friends treat me. This has been really upsetting me and making my depression worse. I'm living in a house with friends at the moment. One of the lads I'm living with is one of the people I would consider to be one of my best friends. It kills me to say anything like this, but he is really breaking my heart the way he has been treating me and acting towards me lately. I love him to bits as a friend, but it's just gotten so, so bad in the last couple of months. He's gone completely mental at me a few times, screaming and shouting at me over nothing. He's also hit me once. He's made half-hearted apologies, but I still feel very upset and bitter over these things. But I also can't stop feeling like he's the brother I never had and how much of a great friend he can be.

I've also had times when I've felt so low, and I just needed to talk to someone, and the friends who always said to me to talk to them just weren't there for me. I didn't go begging or needy to them, just a text in a lighthearted fashion along the lines of "Hey, man. You around for a smoke and a chat? Would love to talk for a bit, if you're free?", and the response has either been stony silence or refusals. I then just end up sitting alone, chain-smoking and crying quietly to myself. I don't want to count the amount of times I've lain awake in bed, staring at the ceiling, crying my eyes out, just feeling so utterly and terribly miserable.

I know this all sounds so bad, and sounds like I'm a martyr, but I'm not. I try to be happy, to be bouncy and to not let people know how I really feel. Only 3 or 4 of my close friends know where I'm truly at, but even they seem to just shrug and think I'm alright. None of them seem to take me seriously or even just ask me sincerely if I'm feeling ok. I feel very isolated and alone...

I might find it slightly hard to talk to friends, and I've pondered long and hard about seeking professional help, but I just don't know if it would help at all.

tyview

Hey Op, depression is a really awful experience (I know!). You didnt mention if you've seen a doctor or are on meds etc. I tried to deal with my depression myself but infact just prolonged feeling that way. I lost a lot of friends from not being able to talk to them about it. You could always see a counselling too. It can really help just to get it all out there just like you've done in your post..

pheasant tail

OP im in the same boat as yourself,what you said about your friends just shrug and think your allright,in my experience they just dont know what to say and think its easier to pretend that your alright instead of possibly upseting you by asking you to talk,theyve never experienced it so they wont understand it or understand what to do!! Also your friends may not be treating you near as bad as you think,with depression you will see the worst in anyone and everything like possibly its in your head that your friends are being off with you or your looking into things way too much.

And if you've had depression for 10 years,i cant understand why you havent tried getting help? Even if its bringing you down a bit or slowing your life from progressing id talk to someone it definetly wont do any harm

estar

Hi there I can't tell you how important it is you do seek professional help. Depression is not something your friends can cure. They can support but they cannot help you help yourself. If you broke your leg you would see a doctor. Yet you are hobbling around in pain and haven't seen someone about it? A clinical psychologist will be expensive but will be worth it. If you don't gel with the first one keep going until you find the right one. A good counselling psychologist could also be good. Educate yourself about your state of mind. Read about depression. Eat well, exercise and cut down or out drink. Contact aware also for more information. As for the violent friend who is like a brother. what advice would you give someone else about him? I'd park him for now and see a doctor and make an appointment for a referral tomorrow. you don't have to suffer depression is something you can learn to deal with effectively but not on your own. Best of luck you sound like a decent guy.you deserve to get yourself the professional support you need.

qwertytlk

Professional help would definatley be the route to go down, in my opinion. Whilst friends can be great to talk to (sometimes) their help can only go so far as they are not professionals who have experience dealing with people who are depressed. I would advise you to see your gp and explain how your feeling and get them to refer you to a counsellor. If you can afford to pay you most likely wont have to go on a waiting list, or if you do it will probably be pretty short.

Iv been where you are before so i do know how it feels to just have this black cloud hanging over you. I tried for a long time to 'get over it' myself and for short periods of time i did, but the intesnse sad feelings would always return and this is depression. Lots of people go through difficult periods in their lives where they feel down, most will get over it in time and feel pretty good then for the majority of time. But when you are actually depressed you cannot do this and so counselling is really the only thing that can help. A counsellor will help you to get to the root cause of your problems and then deal with them, therefore (hopefully) making you feel alot happier.

As for this friend of yours who is treating you really badly. Well he seems to have issues himself as its not normal to scream abuse in your friends face, nor is it normal to hit your friend. My advice here would be to try and distance yourself from him and his moods as best you can untill you sort your own issues out, as dealing with that crap is only going to make you feel worse at the moment. Or alternatively you could try talk to him if you feel your ok to do that at the moment and that he is not going to attack you verbally or physically if you do so.

Best of luck with everything and i sincerely hope you get the help you need to feel better.
Take care x