Bit of advice?

Freaky

Hi

Just looking for advice/opinions about how best to handle situation with my boyf of 2 years. He is 27, I am 23. He is quite insecure and that normally isnt an issue, but lately iv noticed he gets very quiet and moody with me if i want to go out for a night with my friends, sometimes my sisters! If i ask him to come too he says "you'll enjoy yourself so much more without me". When I asked him about this he acknowledged that he does sometimes get upset when I go out without him, and says that it makes him think I prefer other peoples company (like my sisters) to him. I do reassure him that I love spending time with him but it doesn't seem to work. What do I do? How should I handle this?

Last night we went out and he was very quiet with me...I asked him for ages what was wrong. It took him 2 hours to say that he was quiet because he thinks I have been less physically affectionate with him lately. It was quite upsetting for me on a night out to have my boyfriend sulk with me for so long in a night out, and I just wanted to have a reasonable discussion.

He apologized later, but still said that he just cant express himself, and doesn't seem to see why I found the silent treatment so upsetting.

Am i being unreasonable? Sorry for the essay, i would just like to hear what other people think!

username123

Freaky wrote: »

.......and doesn't seem to see why I found the silent treatment so upsetting.

He knows exactly why you find the silent treatment so upsetting. Thats why he does it. People who use the silent treatment are horribly passive aggressive and use it to manipulate the other person and guilt trip them. He has control and jealously issues, moody and guilt tripping you if you want to see your friends and sisters then punishing you with the silent treatment to make you feel worse, all then highlighted by the great reveal after a long sulk - that in fact its YOUR fault, for not being physically affectionate enough!!

Sounds bloody awful and I would be running a mile. Its totally him with the problem, not you, you cannot fix someone else, if this is his preferred method of conflict resolution you are in trouble. He needs to grow up, cop on, and stop with the passive aggressive treatment and controlling behaviour. If he cant do that, youre better off without him. I mean that, controllers dont get less controlling, they get worse with time. They build it up slowly until one day you find yourself married to an old man who sulks for weeks at a time, in a life where youre not allowed have friends - ok thats an extreme, but it can be bad!

daisybelle2008

Freaky wrote: »

Hi

Just looking for advice/opinions about how best to handle situation with my boyf of 2 years. He is 27, I am 23. He is quite insecure and that normally isnt an issue, but lately iv noticed he gets very quiet and moody with me if i want to go out for a night with my friends, sometimes my sisters! If i ask him to come too he says "you'll enjoy yourself so much more without me". When I asked him about this he acknowledged that he does sometimes get upset when I go out without him, and says that it makes him think I prefer other peoples company (like my sisters) to him. I do reassure him that I love spending time with him but it doesn't seem to work. What do I do? How should I handle this?

=

Don't do that. No amount of reassurance is going to improve the situation. He is the one with the problem, you trying to appease his jealous insecurity is only going to make him do it more. Look at it this way, he has a nasty jealous sulk when you want to socialise with your friends and family and he gets rewarded with your attention and reassurance of your love for him! Treat his behaviour with the contempt it deserves. As for the silent treatement, next time he does that tell him you will see it as a sign the relationship is over and treat it as over.

Freaky

Thanks for all the replys, good to have a few outsiders perspectives! shall take it all on board and then decide what to do next... eek:(