Foreign Boyfriend Embarassing Me :(

LegacyUser

Hey everyone!

I'm a 28 year old women who is currently an assistant manager at a popular retail shop in Dublin. I am well educated, Irish and would consider myself quite attractive. I have been dating for the past few months after having broken up with my ex boyfriend and decided to give a Polish guy a chance. He is very sweet, I like him and hes very intelligent. However my problem is that although hes educated, his college degree isn't really recognised here and hes working as a security guard. I know this sounds snobby but I feel like its embarassing to have a partner that is working such a menial job and who comes across as uneducated (even though hes probably the smartest man I've ever met). I feel really embarassed when my friends are talking about their partners who are working in marketing or general business and then them asking what my boyfriend does. Another problem is that when I bring him to parties with my friends, his english can really let him down and he drinks very little so he kind of sticks out. Also he doesnt seem to get into the nightclubs that me and friends like to go to probably because he doesn't look like a typical Irish well dressed guy. He has a shaved head, is quite built and although he does dress well he doesn't really wear designer gear and I suppose he kind of sticks out in the establishments we go to.

I've been over to his country and while his family are very nice, I would be ashamed to bring my family over to wear he lives. Its a very basic house and overcrowded, I cant imagine what my friends would think anyway. His parents are just lovely people but the image they potray is awful.

Another annoying thing is that a lot of my friends partners have nice cars. Im not superficial or anything but he has an awful car and whilst he doesnt have a lot of money he has enough to easily afford a much nicer car but instead he ACTUALLY enjoys repairing his car, which is an utter lost cause! Drives me insane pulling up to my family or friends in that awful car.

I also think hes quite naive. He sends most of his money home to his younger brother who was disabled while training in the Polish army. Now when I say disabled I mean he essentially lost some fingers but otherwise can work fine. He even helps his dad on the farm but for some reason claims he cant actually work and my boyfriend sends him over so much money! This same brother obviously dislikes me and shuns me whenever Im over in Poland. Hes a little brat to be honeset!!!!

I really want to tell him all this but I know how much it would hurt him. Is there anyway I could say it nicely? We've got a family get together this coming weekend and I dread pulling up in that car in front of the whole family.

I know this sounds bitchy and superficial but I doubt anyone in my position would not feel disimilar to how I feel now if they knew what it feels like

Partizan

katyfairy wrote: »

Hey everyone!

I'm a 28 year old women who is currently an assistant manager at a popular retail shop in Dublin. I am well educated, Irish and would consider myself quite attractive. I have been dating for the past few months after having broken up with my ex boyfriend and decided to give a Polish guy a chance. He is very sweet, I like him and hes very intelligent. However my problem is that although hes educated, his college degree isn't really recognised here and hes working as a security guard. I know this sounds snobby but I feel like its embarassing to have a partner that is working such a menial job and who comes across as uneducated (even though hes probably the smartest man I've ever met). I feel really embarassed when my friends are talking about their partners who are working in marketing or general business and then them asking what my boyfriend does. Another problem is that when I bring him to parties with my friends, his english can really let him down and he drinks very little so he kind of sticks out. Also he doesnt seem to get into the nightclubs that me and friends like to go to probably because he doesn't look like a typical Irish well dressed guy. He has a shaved head, is quite built and although he does dress well he doesn't really wear designer gear and I suppose he kind of sticks out in the establishments we go to.

I've been over to his country and while his family are very nice, I would be ashamed to bring my family over to wear he lives. Its a very basic house and overcrowded, I cant imagine what my friends would think anyway. His parents are just lovely people but the image they potray is awful.

Another annoying thing is that a lot of my friends partners have nice cars. Im not superficial or anything but he has an awful car and whilst he doesnt have a lot of money he has enough to easily afford a much nicer car but instead he ACTUALLY enjoys repairing his car, which is an utter lost cause! Drives me insane pulling up to my family or friends in that awful car.

I also think hes quite naive. He sends most of his money home to his younger brother who was disabled while training in the Polish army. Now when I say disabled I mean he essentially lost some fingers but otherwise can work fine. He even helps his dad on the farm but for some reason claims he cant actually work and my boyfriend sends him over so much money! This same brother obviously dislikes me and shuns me whenever Im over in Poland. Hes a little brat to be honeset!!!!

I really want to tell him all this but I know how much it would hurt him. Is there anyway I could say it nicely? We've got a family get together this coming weekend and I dread pulling up in that car in front of the whole family.

I know this sounds bitchy and superficial but I doubt anyone in my position would not feel disimilar to how I feel now if they knew what it feels like

You can say that again. So you think that your boyfriend's lower social standing is an embarrassment to your snobby pretensions. Look, do yourself and your boyfriend a favour and break up with him. I would not like to date a materialistic and money grabbing wench like you.

Your Polish boyfriend does not deserve you. You are a disgrace.

Will I Amnt

katyfairy wrote: »

Im not superficial or anything

Yes you are.

Eric Cartman

wow, this lad doesnt deserve you, you dont paint yourself to be a nice person

'im not a snob but...'

and who cares about his car, if you dont like his car, go buy one yourself and take that when you go places.

assistant manager with a security guard is hardly the furthest apart

if you care what your friends think that much maybee you should go find yourself some shallow solicitor or something

I am a friend

My god Op, you are, if this is all true, a holy show... Let the poor lad go and find someone who deserves him.

neuro-praxis

You need to take a long hard look at yourself. Life is about more than money you know.

tinkerbell

Do your boyfriend a favour and break up with him. All you seem to care about is money and how things look to other people.

Little Acorn

You're only seeing this guy a short while?
I think you should just finish tbh.
I don't think there is any possible way of telling him "nicely" that you basically think he is inferior to you, your family, or your friends, and that you are embarrassed by him.
It would be better to just finish it now saying you just don't feel enough chemistry.
It would be much fairer for him to be with someone who likes him for who he is, and who isn't basically ashamed of him. If certain things are very important to you, then it would also be better for yourself to find someone who you feel is more compatible for your lifestyle.
Have your friends and family actually badmouthed him, or are you just presuming that they are looking down their noses on him?
You seem to care waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much about what other people think, and maybe you should try to work on that. You should ask yourself if he makes YOU happy, and to hell with every1 else.

qwerty13

Jesus wept, that post comes across as one of the most shallow I've read in a long time.

If you are that obsessed with money and competing with your friends re your boyfriend's jobs, then why not go the whole way and become a trophy wife.

Being in marketing/general business just means that they do an ordinary admin desk job. As pointed out by someone else, assistant manager in a shop and a security guard are not a million miles apart. How would you feel if you met someone who was embarrassed that you "only" worked in a shop.

LegacyUser

Yeah I think you should let your boyfriend go. He'll never be good enough for you, you are earning good money and seem like you blow your cash on clothes, living it up etc. Your boyfriend on the other hand doesn't blow his cash, takes care of his family in a poorer country and probably thinks people are mad to pay what Irish people pay for stuff.

You are materialistic, he is not. I can't see it working out. If you want it to work I suggest you read the book 'The Millionaires Next Door' - it basically says most people with significant wealth don't live it up and blow their cash on flash cars etc. Who's to say your boyfriend won't improve his english and get a better paying job, alternatively he'll live here for a while and go back home, who knows. As an Irish man, this is why I prefer Polish women - they don't keep up with the jones as much..

CarMe

I think you should stop seeing him at once, there's lots of lovely girls out there for him please don't allow this poor chap waste anymore time on the likes of you!

LegacyUser

Firstly I have not been seeing him a short while its been nearly a year and I've visited his family three times in Poland. Secondly im not snobby or superficial but I feel he is not doing simple things that could make him look a lot better to my family and friends. Its all very well and good slating me until your in my position.

daisybelle2008

katyfairy wrote: »

Hey everyone!

. Its a very basic house and overcrowded, I cant imagine what my friends would think anyway. His parents are just lovely people but the image they potray is awful.

This same brother obviously dislikes me and shuns me whenever Im over in Poland. (

What 'image' they portray? Of being lovely people, since when is that not enough of an image.

Sounds like the younger brother has the measure of you.

Will I Amnt

sunflower27 wrote: »

OP, how many times have you been to Poland in 2 months?

This is all sounding totally unbelievable to me on a second reading.

Think you may be right,sounds like a complete troll post.

username123

I really cant believe that thats how you think of your boyfriend. Imagine how he would feel if he read that post. Why would you bother being with someone you think so little of?

"His parents are just lovely people but the image they portray is awful" - you do realise that if they are lovely people and you, a mere assistant manager at a retail shop, are capable of seeing that, that anyone would see that? Its hardly rocket science!!

Tbh you sound like an awful person to go out with, your own job is nothing to be getting wildly excited about, you work in a shop, yet you are embarrassed that he works in security?

Seriously, do the decent thing and break up with the guy, let him find someone who isnt embarrassed by him.

Read over what you wrote:
you are embarrassed by his college degree,
you are embarrassed by his job,
his family live in an embarrassing basic, overcrowded house,
his english lets him down,
his car is embarrassing,
he doesnt wear designer gear and get into nightclubs you like,
he is naive.

You should be embarrassed about your own attitude towards this guy. Its not him with the problems, its you.

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

OP, how many times have you been to Poland in 2 months?

This is all sounding totally unbelievable to me on a second reading.

Where did I say I had been going out with him for 2 months???

Unbelievable is it? You know you and the rest can preach the higher tone and judge me but until you arrive at a family BBQ in a 12 year old nissan micra blowing smoke everywhere in front of all your aunts, uncles and cousins because your boyfriend is too cheap to buy a car then dont pretend that I am in the wrong here. Yeah it is embarassing when friends are tlaking about their boyfriends success and then the conversation turns to me. It IS embarassing when my boyfriend is the only person not to get into a nightclub because he wears clothes bought in Dunnes/Pennies no matter HOW MANY times I tell him that he should buy designer gear. I even bought him jumpers from the shop I work in (which would be considered very good quality) that he rarely wears! I told him to tone down the gym many times because he looks aggressive with his muscle and he still goes. I do like him but i feel im going to have to say EXACTLY how I feel without upsetting him. I am asking advice on how to do that NOT whether I am morally wrong

gilmour

obvious wind up post

kat151283

Oh my god what a shocking post. I really hope this man leaves you he deserves so much better.

My sister's boyfriend is from poland and she loves him the way he is, she would never change him, you need to take a hard look at yourself.

Little Acorn

username123 wrote: »

I really cant believe that thats how you think of your boyfriend. Imagine how he would feel if he read that post. Why would you bother being with someone you think so little of?

"His parents are just lovely people but the image they portray is awful" - you do realise that if they are lovely people and you, a mere assistant manager at a retail shop, are capable of seeing that, that anyone would see that? Its hardly rocket science!!

Tbh you sound like an awful person to go out with, your own job is nothing to be getting wildly excited about, you work in a shop, yet you are embarrassed that he works in security?

Seriously, do the decent thing and break up with the guy, let him find someone who isnt embarrassed by him.

Read over what you wrote:
you are embarrassed by his college degree,
you are embarrassed by his job,
his family live in an embarrassing basic, overcrowded house,
his english lets him down,
his car is embarrassing,
he doesnt wear designer gear and get into nightclubs you like,
he is naive.

You should be embarrassed about your own attitude towards this guy. Its not him with the problems, its you.

Exactly. It could possibly break the poor guy's confidence completely, so I agree with you that she should definitely not tell him her real reasons, that's why I reckon she should just give him a better reason for splitting such as "lack of chemistry" or something.
Don't tell him these things that you are feeling OP. If you are not capable of stopping caring too much about other people's opinions, then you should let him go now, instead of stringing him along when you are not that into him.
This reminds me of a similar thread where a boyfriend felt like his girlfriend was too "common" and loud for his tastes, and I had the same advice.
Just end it. Gently-for the sake of the other person's feelings.

qwerty13

katyfairy wrote: »

Firstly I have not been seeing him a short while its been nearly a year and I've visited his family three times in Poland. Secondly im not snobby or superficial but I feel he is not doing simple things that could make him look a lot better to my family and friends. Its all very well and good slating me until your in my position.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe he is embarrassed by your materialism, lack of respect for his family (which appears to be obvious to at least his brother), your valuing of style over substance, and over-inflated notions regarding your friends boyfriends - and your own - job?

Seraphina

Well OP, at least he buys his own damn car instead of expecting his partner in a less well paid job to drive him around, surely THAT would be more embarrassing? Oh wait...

Frankly, you sound like a horrible woman. I can't believe you even bemoan the fact that he sends money home to his family, what's wrong with you?

ILikeBananas

sunflower27 wrote: »

This is all sounding totally unbelievable to me on a second reading.

+1

Silverfish

OP is trolling, thread closed.

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