Bagged A Cougar. Should I Continue?

LegacyUser

I'm a 21 year old guy, moved to the States a year ago.
I was out at my regular bar, which is also a karaoke bar, on Friday night. My drinking buddy whom I normally go there with was working the karaoke that night and I was there to support him. I usually go there with him and we spend the night hanging out and there are some other regulars that we know there. I got talking with this woman. She's 38, has a 19 year old daughter in college and a son who is turning 18 this week. It was a text book case of one thing leading to another and we wound up kissing and eventually "making out" for the rest of the night. She seemed to feel a little guilty but was definitely enjoying herself at the same time. She is very attractive and doesn't look her age. She had mentioned to my friend earlier in the night something about having gotten out of a 3 year relationship. We suspect she was on the prowl. I don't think she was looking for someone my age as she kept going on about the difference in age but I reassured her it was okay.
At the end of the night she gave me her number and told me to call her if I'm ever looking for 38 year old woman to keep me company.
It's definitely not the "possibility of a relationship" type thing, very much a casual hook up thing. A "booty call" might be the more appropriate way of describing it.
I've been interested in getting into a relationship lately, but with someone my own age. I'm wondering should I go ahead and just enjoy a casual thing with an older lady while I can? She had enough of an interest in me to give me her number and spend the night in the bar constantly with me. Hell, there was even a passionate kiss good night.

I've been considering giving her a text tomorrow...

Cheers

(I decided to post here as opposed to the likes of After Hours as I wanted some proper non smart arse feed back.)

Distorted

If I was a bloke, and the 38 year old woman was hot, I think I'd go for it! Good experience in life and all that. Plenty of 50 year old men with 20 year old girlfriends. As long as you both don't go into it with any expectations beyond what it is (and you both sound perfectly realistic), and there is mutual attraction, then just enjoy it.

As a woman, I kind of admire men who go out with older women. Its such a cop out for men to go out with really innocent, naive young girls but if they can attract an older woman it means they have a lot more about them.

But whats with the "We suspect she was on the prowl" remark? What are most people in bars doing anyway?

LegacyUser

Its not really a big deal. I've been with many older women. My ex girlfriend was 13 years my senior. People are people. Whats the big deal anyway if its just a booty call? Theres no moral dilemma and age isnt a issue if its not a relationship type scenario.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your responses sunflower 27 and Distorted.

I mean nothing condescending by the "prowl" remark. I was trying to clarify that my buddy and I believe that she was there to pull (as she was hitting on him earlier but he was too busy working). I wasn't; picking up people in bars isn't my thing, but I didn't have a problem with being picked up.

I guess I just wanted to gauge other people's opinions on it. I wasn't attention seeking (only my friend who was there and my brother know). It's not a situation I ever thought I would find myself in but I guess if we both have the same expectations (fun, no relationship) then there's no harm in actually having some fun!

Cheers

fungun

sounds like she just wants a bit of fun, so no harm in it id say. just keep an eye out for it getting more 'meaningful' and keep it clear in your mind what you want, and make sure she knows this

Shill

Lucky man! If I had an older woman chasing me, I'd sit back and enjoy the fun.

Especially at your age - you have all the time in the world to experiment and explore.

LegacyUser

Sounds like she had kids really young and is making up for lost time. Hope you enjoy it! Be safe!

Sleepy

If only to improve the quality of what you can offer a future partner, it's worth seeing what a woman with maybe 20 years more sexual experience than you can teach you OP. Go for it!

Emme

I'm 39 and wouldn't be interested in a 21 year old. It would feel weird!

If you're sure she just wants casual fun ok meet her again but I wouldn't do it more than once or twice. Eitherways it could get messy.

You might be better to try and find somebody closer to your own age.

floorpie

You're going to learn a valuable life lesson with this.

Your whole first post makes her sound like almost a different species. And i get what you mean, it's bred into us by pop-culture etc. Well...you're in for a rude awakening when you find out that, big surprise, women are women...age is practically irrelevant. If you think that she'll be fine with casual hookups just because she's older, you're wrong. If you think that she'll be less temperamental, less dramatic, just because she's older, you're wrong.

You can see this tension between how you think it would be, and how she potentially thinks it would be, within your post even:

I'm wondering should I go ahead and just enjoy a casual thing with an older lady while I can? She had enough of an interest in me to give me her number and spend the night in the bar constantly with me

Anyway, give her a call and get it out of your system, because it (unintentionally, apparently) sounds like you think it has bragging rights. The only people i know who talk about 'cougars' etc are people that haven't gotten past the whole stupid pop-culture illusion.

It'll potentially be a sharp beautiful lesson for ya, that's all i can say :P

By the way, why are you assuming it's casual? Seeing as you had to reassure her about the age difference etc?

floorpie

The notion that 'older' = 'better sex' is a stupid silly myth too, it all depends on the person, age is irrelevant. A simple bit of reasoning will tell you that. That's the worst possible reason you could get into a situation like this for.

fungun

told me to call her if I'm ever looking for 38 year old woman to keep me company.

tbf that sounds like she is just looking for a booty call, so thats ok.

And although older does not equal better sex, I think its fair to say that in general a bit of experience probably helps. IME, women 30+ have a lot less hangups about sex than women of 20, prob just cos of a bit more life experience, knowing what they want etc.

Sleepy

floorpie wrote: »

The notion that 'older' = 'better sex' is a stupid silly myth too, it all depends on the person, age is irrelevant. A simple bit of reasoning will tell you that. That's the worst possible reason you could get into a situation like this for.

The more you do anything, the better you get at it.

Of course, "older" isn't going to mean better sex automatically as, let's face it, a nun could hardly teach you much about the erotic arts. Given that the OP says this woman has a child of 19, however, it's fair to say she has at least 20 years of experience compared to the OP's 3/4 (using the average age to lose ones virginity at of 17).

Like fungun says, women tend to know their bodies better in their 30's than when they're the OP's age (and IIRC, tend to hit the peak of their libido in their 30's too).

floorpie

I know what you mean, and it sounds like it makes intuitive sense, but sometimes intuition's wrong.

I've found that life experience has very little correlation with sexual openness. They have nothing to do with each other, realistically. Unless a persons 'life experience' somehow worked against their sexuality, but this is probably a minority of people...?

And on 'the more you do anything the better you get'...that's only the case if a person makes great efforts to expand their abilities. I'm sure we all know people who've been playing the guitar, or drawing, or singing for 20 years and haven't improved at all; you become set in your ways without effort, and sex isn't any different. I mean that's basically the fundamental issue in most threads about sexual problems between couples, one person being set in their ways and thinking that their 'one true way' should work for everyone.

Obviously a person would get better with *some* experience, but i can't imagine that it'd take more than a few years of sexual activity with open partners before you get to a level of being 'experienced enough'. I dunno what you expect older women are doing for an extra 15-20 years or what you think they know...they're not going to be introducing you to a new erogenous orifice that you'd never heard of or anything...

Anyway i'm not trying to discourage the OP, he should definitely definitely go for it, but just let him be warned that it's probably not going to be the free-love fest he thinks it is; emotions aren't that simple, sex isn't that simple, and the older-younger dichotomy isn't real. Like somebody else said above...."people are people". If you don't enter into it with a mature mindset, all of this 'bagged a cougar'/on the prowl/casual sex/milf stuff is going to be blown out of the water so quick your head'll spin.

The hormonal libido peak is a myth and has more to do with lifestyle changes (kids growing up etc), someone who'd always been sexually open wont be more so purely because of age.

Floppybits

Give her a call, what have ya got to loose.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

I just want to clarify some things. Just cause she's older doesn't mean I have certain pop culture expectations. I look at things through a lens of reality as best I can. Cougar may be an unfair word but it's one that most people will be able to get the jist of.

When it comes to the casualness of the situation, in my opinion she was just out for some fun. It sounds as if she had just gotten out a three year relationship, she's hardly out on the look for a new boyfriend. She was out with two other couples. With regards to the age difference I believe both of us know that there is no want of a relationship here and no danger of one forming. When I talk about casual and easy going I don't mean that I can call her up whenever I want. Rather we can maybe hook up a few times (couldn't see something like this lasting much longer) and leave it be. Both go off and pursue relationships with people more suitable to us when we're done.

I see it as nothing more than something casual and I'm sure she sees it the same way. She gave me her number in an "if you're interested sometime" kinda way rather than "let's do dinner and a movie".

I'll text her and see if she's out this weekend. If not, no bother. If yes, then grand.

Thanks for your opinions and insight everyone.

floorpie

YoungBait wrote: »

When it comes to the casualness of the situation, in my opinion she was just out for some fun. It sounds as if she had just gotten out a three year relationship, she's hardly out on the look for a new boyfriend. She was out with two other couples. With regards to the age difference I believe both of us know that there is no want of a relationship here and no danger of one forming. When I talk about casual and easy going I don't mean that I can call her up whenever I want. Rather we can maybe hook up a few times (couldn't see something like this lasting much longer) and leave it be. Both go off and pursue relationships with people more suitable to us when we're done.

I see it as nothing more than something casual and I'm sure she sees it the same way. She gave me her number in an "if you're interested sometime" kinda way rather than "let's do dinner and a movie".

I still don't know why you think it's casual except for your own assumption that an older woman out of a relationship surely wouldn't want more companionship...just in that paragraph you said "it sounds like", "in my opinion", "i'm sure she sees it the same as me", you've no basis for the assumptions other than she didn't ask you on a date and explicitly say she wants a relationship (but who *would* say that, in any age group).

Eh but maybe i wasn't clear enough, i'm not saying she *isn't* just up for casual fun (as seedy as that sounds), and i'm not saying don't call her...DO...i'm just saying that, like any other age group, she may or may not be up for something casual, and also, feelings tend to develop awful quick when sex is involved. Don't be fooled by thinking that there's an age difference, so surely she wont get attached. There's something especially sh*tty about breaking up with a teary 'cougar' when you didn't even realise you were in a relationship to begin with...speaking from many sad learning experiences :S

The replies saying things like "she's making up for lost time", "just wants a bit of fun" etc are immature/unrealistic outside of porn. If you can present me with someone who doesn't get some sort of feelings (good or bad) along with a sexual relationship, and who isn't a sociopath, i'll buy a hat and eat it. So like fungun (i think) said, do it, but keep a very keen eye out for signs of it getting more meaningful, don't take advantage of the situation.

I'm saying this for your own benefit

Distorted

I would say that older women are more likely to understand the meaning of a casual relationship than younger women, and to have the maturity to deal well with it ending.

floorpie

I'm sure everyone, older women included, 'understand' casual relationships at a high level, it's the emotional level that gets complicated, and that's the level i'm saying can accidentally become a problem...so in my experience it's the exact opposite of what you're saying, maybe my experiences are unique or something, i dunno.

Sephiroth_dude

YoungBait wrote: »

I'm a 21 year old guy, moved to the States a year ago.
I was out at my regular bar, which is also a karaoke bar, on Friday night. My drinking buddy whom I normally go there with was working the karaoke that night and I was there to support him. I usually go there with him and we spend the night hanging out and there are some other regulars that we know there. I got talking with this woman. She's 38, has a 19 year old daughter in college and a son who is turning 18 this week. It was a text book case of one thing leading to another and we wound up kissing and eventually "making out" for the rest of the night. She seemed to feel a little guilty but was definitely enjoying herself at the same time. She is very attractive and doesn't look her age. She had mentioned to my friend earlier in the night something about having gotten out of a 3 year relationship. We suspect she was on the prowl. I don't think she was looking for someone my age as she kept going on about the difference in age but I reassured her it was okay.
At the end of the night she gave me her number and told me to call her if I'm ever looking for 38 year old woman to keep me company.
It's definitely not the "possibility of a relationship" type thing, very much a casual hook up thing. A "booty call" might be the more appropriate way of describing it.
I've been interested in getting into a relationship lately, but with someone my own age. I'm wondering should I go ahead and just enjoy a casual thing with an older lady while I can? She had enough of an interest in me to give me her number and spend the night in the bar constantly with me. Hell, there was even a passionate kiss good night.

I've been considering giving her a text tomorrow...

Cheers

(I decided to post here as opposed to the likes of After Hours as I wanted some proper non smart arse feed back.)

you most certainly should continue ;-)