Weddings

looksee

I have to have a little rant here, I am obviously completely out of touch to post on the Wedding forum. I haven't had to attend a wedding in ages, my son and dil's was the last one. I was just reading a thread in the Wedding forum about wedding presents though, and I felt really sad at the attitudes.

'You have to give cash of 150/200?' Look, if I want to give a cash gift of that - or any - amount, I will, but I would not feel obliged. If a couple want to spend a stupid amount of money on a wedding, that's their business, but don't expect me to attend the wedding in order to pay for it!

Attending a wedding should be about celebrating the couple's new life together. If they are already together (and no problem with that) and have still chosen to spend 20 to 30 thousand on a wedding, then they don't need any help setting up their new home. If I invite people to a party, well they might bring a bottle of wine, but I don't expect them to pay for the party!

Maybe if a few of the vacuous celebrities started having more modest and honest weddings it might help people down out of the celtic tiger cloud cuckoo land they are in.

Grouse grouse grumble grumble.

Cicero

looksee wrote: »

'You have to give cash of 150/200?' .

In fairness looksee, that "rule" tends to be quoted by people in their 20's, maybe early 30's....they go to so many weddings and each time they go, they give these type of sums- it kind of spirals into a never ending round of spending...a lot of people just ask for money coz in the last decade, many had their house bought and furnished before they even considered getting married..Oldwans and Oldfellas are a different category altogether.....give whatever you feel is appropriate- no one will say boo to ya....:)

looksee

Cicero wrote: »

In fairness looksee, that "rule" tends to be quoted by people in their 20's, maybe early 30's....they go to so many weddings and each time they go, they give these type of sums- it kind of spirals into a never ending round of spending...a lot of people just ask for money coz in the last decade, many had their house bought and furnished before they even considered getting married..Oldwans and Oldfellas are a different category altogether.....give whatever you feel is appropriate- no one will say boo to ya....:)

Yes, I agree we are in a different category! That's why I am doing a rant rather than entering into reasoned debate. And I do give what I feel is appropriate. What gets to me is the way people (not only the younger ones) feel you have 'got' to behave in a certain way, especially in relation to weddings.

I am supposed to be old and crochetty and fixed in my ways, but its the young ones who feel obliged to go with the mob!

headmaster

I know of a couple who were married recently, they were asked what they wanted for their wedding and money was the choice. They weren't looking for money or anything, but answered the question put to them. They had invited a professional couple to the wedding, along with the couples 4 adult children who are all in very good jobs. Well, this couple along with the 4 offspring joined together to give one present, a table lamp!!!!!!!!! I saw the very same item lately in a store for €49.99. If it was me I would have sent back the "present" and I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with a cash present of €150/200. It's far from over the top and i'd imagine is normal for couples to give.

Cicero

Well...times have changed I guess..gone are the days of 4 toasters, 3 table lamps and 2 slow cookers...I thought wedding lists were a good idea but even those have disappeared a lot over the last 10 years...I think you should give what you can afford to be honest....100- 150 is not unreasonable and doesn't buy an awful lot these days...most weddings cost between 35-50 eur per guest on average for meals/drinks if not more so i don't think 100 -150 is unreasonable to expect

Daisy M

headmaster wrote: »

If it was me I would have sent back the "present" and I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with a cash present of €150/200. It's far from over the top and i'd imagine is normal for couples to give.

Seriously, you would send back a gift because you didnt deem enough money to be spent on it? That is truly shocking. Were these people invited to the wedding for their company or for what it was hopped they would contribute towards the wedding bill? That you were told by the newly married couple that this was the only gift given by this particular set of guests is beyond tacky.
I always give a generous cash gift but I wouldnt dream of judging others who choose not to.

amdublin

headmaster wrote: »

I know of a couple who were married recently, they were asked what they wanted for their wedding and money was the choice. They weren't looking for money or anything, but answered the question put to them. They had invited a professional couple to the wedding, along with the couples 4 adult children who are all in very good jobs. Well, this couple along with the 4 offspring joined together to give one present, a table lamp!!!!!!!!! I saw the very same item lately in a store for €49.99. If it was me I would have sent back the "present" and I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with a cash present of €150/200. It's far from over the top and i'd imagine is normal for couples to give.

Excuse me?!

Were you brought up that way??? I.e. As a child were you taught to "send gifts back" or were you taught to accept every gift graciously and say thank you?

Shame!

headmaster

I suppose you people are right, sorry. It's just that I'd have seen these people as freeloaders and they were invited because they were relations, not friends. As regards sending back the present, you bet i'd send it back and wouldn't be a bit afraid to tell them why. Hope that answers your questions, as I don't like to beat around the bush. Don't always assume people are invited to a wedding because they're friends of either bride or groom.

Beruthiel

headmaster wrote: »

Don't always assume people are invited to a wedding because they're friends of either bride or groom.

More fools the bride and groom then.
Why on earth would you invite someone if you didn't want them there?

I only invited people I cared about to be at mine and everyone was told that they were not to give prezzies as the travel and hotel they were paying to stay in was enough expense.

headmaster

Well, all I can say is "bully for you" and they all lived happily ever after.

Jellybaby1

I can only say I am shocked that anyone would treat friends, relatives or even acquaintances in such a way, to expect guests to pay for the bride & groom’s extravagance is utterly appalling. Thankfully I am hearing more and more of the trend for more frugal weddings. A wedding is a celebration of the marriage of two people, not an opportunity to make a fast buck! Be ashamed, be very ashamed. Good on you Looksee, stand your ground!

Rubecula

I think the words Weddings, Brides and Bridegrooms should all be on the ban list. They scare the beejeezus out of me.

Abi

I wish wedding lists were more popular, I just think giving money is just a little... vulgar? With that said, I've given money in the past purely because the couple already have their home furnished and I suppose you can't account for someone elses taste, so it was the only way to go.

I like the idea of giving a couple something they may need, rather than just covering the cost of the meal.

/shrug

Rubecula

Abi wrote: »

I like the idea of giving a couple something they may need, rather than just covering the cost of the meal.

/shrug

The name of a good divorce lawyer?

(sorry for being so cynical I am sure there are a lot of happy couples out there)

Abi

Rubecula wrote: »

The name of a good divorce lawyer?

(sorry for being so cynical I am sure there are a lot of happy couples out there)

You're saying that to someone separated, getting a divorce



I'll put a nice little bow on my solicitors card and give them that so :pac:

ceekay123

I think something personalized adds a more sweet, personal, touch. And makes it look a bit more expensive and luxurious...

I recently bought a set of towels from Argos that were €9.99
came with 2 of everything.

I found a person who was able to put initials on the towels and it looks very elegant.

I put it in a basket I bought for like €5 at the fruit shop and I bought cellophane and a bow for €8

All in all I spent about €45-50 and it was very worth it especially for two people (the happy couple) worked out to be €25 each! Looked like I bought it pre-made in arnotts or something hehe.

EGAR

I don't go to weddings, I am always washing my hair that day .

The Princess Bride

Have never given and will never give money as a present.Think it defeats the point of asking for people to come to celebrate the day with you.Would always give vouchers for particular shops to couples liking instead.
When we got married, we specifically asked for no gifts- we already had our home -and suggested donations to a children's charity of our choice ,if people so wished.
Worked with so many girls over the years who boasted about having big weddings ,and assuming everyone would give cash gifts to cover cost of wedding and honeymoneymoon- sounded so vulgar.
So no thanks,don't invite me,I really couldn't be bothered anyways.

OldGoat

Have to say that I'm OK with giving cash as a wedding gift. At least don't pin the money on the brides dress yet :rolleyes:

Some friends of mine had an interesting take on it. They are already set up domestically and didn't need cash to pay for the wedding or honeymoon so they asked guests to give them Sweeps tickets.
The charity gets an influx of money, they can trade the tickets in whenever they need a bit of extra cash and there exists the possibility of a big win.
The biggest plus was that I didn't have to trawl the shops trying to find something for a couple who already have everything they need.

Spread

OldGoat wrote: »

Have to say that I'm OK with giving cash as a wedding gift. At least don't pin the money on the brides dress yet :rolleyes:

Some friends of mine had an interesting take on it. They are already set up domestically and didn't need cash to pay for the wedding or honeymoon so they asked guests to give them Sweeps tickets.
The charity gets an influx of money, they can trade the tickets in whenever they need a bit of extra cash and there exists the possibility of a big win.
The biggest plus was that I didn't have to trawl the shops trying to find something for a couple who already have everything they need.

Excellent idea, Old Goat. And because cashing the tickets takes a bit of time, blowing it on frivolities is less likely. PLUS, if their number comes up ......... you should, to all intents and purposes, get your wonga back. (If not, no christening present).

OldGoat

OldGoat wrote: »

At least don't pin the money on the brides dress yet :rolleyes:

There is a certain honesty about that custom that I appreciate.