Going from happy to really low weekly.

LegacyUser

Hey guys,
This is a bit of a friends issue.

Im a 20 year old guy in college, loving my course and loving my college life and friends. I stay in college during the weeks and head home at weekends. I have unbelievable fun in college between going out and just general banter! My friends are top class and I am part of a very close nit group that does everything together. I would never have any problem giving anyone of them a txt on any day to see if they'd be up for doing anything. I am very popular in college and I think all my friends think very highly of me and think I am one of the main guys for the 'craic'! I can not say one bad word about my college life I absolutely love it to bits!

Then comes the weekend and holidays off from college when I head home and realize that my social life at home is nothing like that of college, in fact it is non existent. I don't really have any friends at home if I am honest. This really gets me down. When I come home it gets to me so much that I become really cranky and snappy at my family and I hate that because I love my family. All my friends from college would be talking about the laugh they have when they go home to their friends at weekends and holidays and i gets to me that I do nothing at weekends but sit at home with my parents! I don't know why exactly I don't have any friends here.

I live in a small village and grew up with the same friends all the way through school, but they gradually changed. They love to judge people that do anything different to them (which is very little). I went to college and they all stayed either getting jobs around home or drawing the dole. If we have ever met up at any stage since it is always me that does the contacting. They have never once contacted me to ask if i wanted to meet up or anything and this kind of upsets me. We were such good friends in school and after school I went to college and they started hanging around with different people that think there 'tough men'. And I think they are kind of like them now.

I sometimes talk to friends on fb or by txt (Im the one that initiates the convo) and they would be talkative (like we used be before), then I see them with there other friends and I completely get blanked. I had recently come back from a few months abroad and not one question was asked about how I got on. Complete contrast to the greeting I got from my college friends. This makes me really disheartened and think why the **** am i even bothered by these dickheads! But it still gets me down that I cant have as good friends (or any) at home as I do in college! Its a complete contrast in lives during the weeks and the weekends!

You can imagine that this gets awkward when I'm home at weekends or in particular holidays such as xmas. I have nobody to go out with. This makes me feel like i'm a bit of a loner.

In my own personal opinion I think my college friends reflect who I really am, which is non judgmental, down to earth and open minded. I just wish I could have as good friends at home that might actually care about how I am or whether i'd like to go for a few pints on saturday night, the same as my college friends do.

So should I get over them and just forget them or should I make more of an effort knowing it probably wont be reciprocated? And if so what should I do then?

Sorry for the long post and thanks so much for taking the time to read if you did!

Greaney

I think you've just answered your own post. My son is in the same predicament, he's out growing the lads he grew up with. Although you lament it, you are very lucky to have great mates in college. You're at a time of great change in your life, don't think it's too unusual or you've done something to make this happen... you've just moved on.

You might come back to these friends in a few years and they'll have caught up and find yourselves at 'the same place' again, but until then you'll just have to live that life you're given. You sound like a guy who's got stuff going on so just 'be' in that, it really is enough.

Firetrap

I agree with the poster above me. Not all friendships founded in school survive into adulthood. People do change a lot, especially when they go away to college and start meeting new people and doing different things. Sometimes it's better to let those old friendships die a natural death.

On the positive side, you have friends in college. Have you thought about staying more weekends where you go to college and socialising with whoever's around? Maybe too when it comes to Christmas, break up your holiday a bit by going away for a few days to go out with some of these friends?

Acoshla

Same thing happened to me OP, I went away to college, further than the rest of my group (some stayed in the same town working too). It instantly created a divide, a lot of the people that stayed treated me like I had moved because I thought that town/them wasn't good enough for me, whereas really it was always going to be my natural progression. You won't want to hear this but for about 3 or 4 years I never had anyone to meet up with when I went home, because they had all drifted together while there's a few of us who drifted completely, due to travelling, working away, etc. It didn't really bother me because I never intend on moving back there, but Christmas used to hurt, when everyone met up and I had no one.

Ten years after leaving school I now have two great friends back home, despite doing our separate things for years we're now back on track and meet up whenever I'm home. Last Christmas was the first year in about 6 years that I went out on Stephen's night and we had a great time. A lot of my old school friends are moving back now to do the marriage and babies lark, I won't ever be caught dead moving back there and most have stopped asking me when I will because they didn't like the answer, they still act like it's a personal insult that I don't want to move back. But as mentioned above after a few years of going their separate ways a lot of them are now back with their school friends, and those of us that aren't don't want to be back with them anyway, it's not for us.

So just enjoy college life, and don't let the actions of the school friends get to you too much.