It's over...

JasonBourne1

Yesterday I became a single woman again. To say I'm shocked is an understatement. We're less than 2 weeks back from the holiday of a lifetime where we had an absolute ball.

I was so happy in this relationship but if I'm 100% honest I knew deep down that we both wanted different things.

He came home yesterday and just said he's not happy anymore and doesn't love me. I didn't even try to fight for us because I knew in my heart there was no point. There were no warning signs, he was as affectionate as ever. Looking back though maybe there were signs I ignored. I was in hospital a few weeks ago as i had headaches and numbness. I called him hysterical in my car as I thought there was something seriously wrong (my sister had a stroke at my age). His response was 'oh I hope your ok do u want me to come over after work?!'. If it were the other way around I'd have dropped everything to be with him.

I met this guy 2 weeks after coming out of a 5 yr relationship and we're together just over 2 years. The relationship was never straight forward. He had 'ex issues' and it was 9 months after we met before we were a couple and that was only after I gave him an ultimatum.

I just feel like such a failure. Why can't any relationship with me work? When I'm in a relationship I'm a great girlfriend, I just don't get it. What makes people fall out of love with me?

I'm heartbroken but in a strange way a little relieved. I'm glad he told me now rather than after marriage and a couple of kids. I respect him for it.

I can't help but feel so sad though. I'm afraid I'm going to end up on my own, I'm 26 but all of my friends are either in relationships or engaged..I'm gonna be the spinster friends with all the cats!

Sorry for rambling, was therapeutic to write it down!

LegacyUser

Do you think that perhaps he went back to his ex, or that he's seeing someone else?

Perhaps you didn't do anything wrong, maybe just someone else clicked with him a little better?

Are you a dramatic type of person and maybe he didn't take you so seriously when you said you were rushing to hospital?

Bodhidharma

All you can ever do with a relationship is hold up your side of the bargain, you can't control another person's actions. If at the end of it you can hold your head up and know that you did your best then thats a victory. I know at the moment it might feel like a hollow victory, but you said yourself you are a good girlfriend, give yourself some credit and hopefully you'll meet someone you deserve.

Move forward and dont look back.

I am a friend

You rushed from one long term relationship to another. I would strongly recommend you stay single for a while to recover from both of them. It's good for you to take time out between relationships.

dellas1979

Jaysus the cat and spinster reference is a little dramatic being that you are 26 years old.

I get why you might feel like that, but wanting/worrying to be in a relationship because all your friends are is the wrong way to think/approach things. You are young, and you will learn lessons from this break up. In time, after your heart has mended (and it will in time), take and use what you've learned from this relationship/break up and move on.

There is nothing anyone can say or do right now, and let yourself feel crappy/angry/sad etc - remember its completely normal, and it will pass. The thing about time being a great healer is that it moves on, slowly at first, but you will be fine. I think we've all been to the depths of despair wishing time would move faster in a break up in order to mend broken hearts, but it will move on.

qwertytlk

First of all, your 26! Not 66! You have years yet to go out with friends, have fun, travel, experience life...and find Mr. Right, and get married and have kids-if thats what you want!
Dont feel that jus because your friends have settled down early that you should. You should just do whats right for you, with who's right for you! Which brings me to my next point - i very much doubt there is anything wrong with you, but did you ever think that maybe they just werent the right guys for you? And your first partner, the one you were with for 5 years? Well if my calculations are right then you started going out with him when you were around 19? Perhpas that relationship didnt work out in the long run because you were too young to be in a long term relationship and settling down.
Obviously i dont know what happend before the 5 year relatioship, but from what you have said, you've pretty much been in serious relationships since you were 19, possibly younger! This has taken the last 7 years of your life. Now theres nothing wrong with that, if thats whta you want, but maybe you should think about living your life as a single for a while and go have fun wih your friends, maybe go travelling!
Just be you for a while and enjoy the rest of your twenties.

But whatever you decide to do, Dont blame yourself! Just because some people are lucky enough to find the love of their life at a young age or after only one or two previous relationships, for most of us it takes a little longer and a bit more searching...so dont give up yet!

C.D.

Hi OP,

Just to say I understand your pain. Was in a relationship myself where we thought we were both "the ones" and within a week of her declaring that she did a complete 180 and it ended.

All the advice I can offer is to stay busy and be with friends and family. Cut ALL contact and with time you'll be OK.

There is nothing wrong with you. People change and relationships end as a result of it. 26 is still OK, you'd be in more trouble if you were 36!

dellas1979

you'd be in more trouble if you were 36!

Ahh - whats that got to do with the price of fish?

Im thinking you are still very young, because as you get older and wiser you realise that age actually doesnt have to do with anything - you are singling out an entire section of the population to make you and the OP feel better, and making statements like that dont help people who are 36+.

stek

dellas1979 wrote: »

Ahh - whats that got to do with the price of fish?

Im thinking you are still very young, because as you get older and wiser you realise that age actually doesnt have to do with anything - you are singling out an entire section of the population to make you and the OP feel better, and making statements like that dont help people who are 36+.

+1.. well said.

Ickle Magoo

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Many thanks.

I am a friend

C.D. wrote: »

26 is still OK, you'd be in more trouble if you were 36!

What a daft statement!!

She would be in trouble if she had wasted any more time with him.

C.D.

dellas1979 wrote: »

Ahh - whats that got to do with the price of fish?

Im thinking you are still very young, because as you get older and wiser you realise that age actually doesnt have to do with anything - you are singling out an entire section of the population to make you and the OP feel better, and making statements like that dont help people who are 36+.

Sorry for OT Mods.

Sorry, that comment was a little insensitive. It was a light hearted comment that if she had spent the next ten years with him and then found it she would have wasted her twenties. Did not mean to cause anyone in or around that age mark offense.

JasonBourne1

Hi all,

So I had to text my ex yesterday about letting him know I was leaving his stuff with a mutual friend to pick up. He got a bit annoyed that I won't meet him myself coz in his words 'it would be easier'. When I explained to him that it wouldn't be easier for me as I can't face him at the moment his response was 'fine no problem whatever suits u, see ya'. Like wtf?! Why be like that? I'm now having doubts that I should meet up with him for closure but I'm afraid if I do I'll be back to square one and be eve more of an emotional wreck than what I already am.

What do I do?

I am a friend

You have closure!!!! He is happy to have the relationship end.

Don't feed his ego any more - give the stuff to a friend and delete his number. He ain't worth it.

flowerchild

JasonBourne1 wrote: »

I was so happy in this relationship but if I'm 100% honest I knew deep down that we both wanted different things.

If you had your time again would you want to talk about this upfront? Sometimes in talking things through you can meet both needs or at least name and acknowledge tricky issues.

There were no warning signs, he was as affectionate as ever. Looking back though maybe there were signs I ignored.

How come?

I just feel like such a failure. Why can't any relationship with me work? When I'm in a relationship I'm a great girlfriend, I just don't get it. What makes people fall out of love with me?

You've had a five year relationship, then a two year relationship. It's hard rationally to call you a relationship failure.

I'm heartbroken but in a strange way a little relieved. I'm glad he told me now rather than after marriage and a couple of kids. I respect him for it.

Tell him. It's an adult thing to say.

I can't help but feel so sad though. I'm afraid I'm going to end up on my own, I'm 26 but all of my friends are either in relationships or engaged..I'm gonna be the spinster friends with all the cats!

It's a natural fear at the end of a relationship - heaps of people feel like that - look at Bridget Jones and all that great sad music about how it feels! But eventually you will meet another great person, or even end up marrying the person you broke up with, as I did. Or having a break from relationships can be therapeutic too!

JasonBourne1

I dont think i'll meet him. The reason I felt I should was that I felt there were still things that need to be said - but then again it's still going to have the same end result and we're still going to not be together so what's the point? I'm upset at his reaction and don't want to leave things on bad terms but he doesn't seem to understand how hard it would be for me to see him. I would love nothing more to see him, to touch him and to kiss and hug him but I just can't.

I am coping alright, up and down. One minute laughing away, the next in a ball of tears. I'm not eating well and not sleeping well either but I know i'm just going through the motions and I will be alright in time. It's just so sh^&ty though! I never want to have to go through anything like this again, it's just not worth it. I feel like i've wasted 7 years of my life on 2 men that didn't want me

flowerchild

JasonBourne1 wrote: »

I am coping alright, up and down. One minute laughing away, the next in a ball of tears. I'm not eating well and not sleeping well either but I know i'm just going through the motions and I will be alright in time. It's just so sh^&ty though! I never want to have to go through anything like this again, it's just not worth it. I feel like i've wasted 7 years of my life on 2 men that didn't want me

It sounds very tricky. Time with another is never a waste, just part of what we bring to life. When you find the right person you bring that part of you to the table - all your learnings and all your desire for commitment.

Balobas87

Hi OP,

I really feel for you, it is always hard to break up, especially when you have had 2 LTR's so close together.

First of all, I would leave him off an let him pick the stuff up at your friends house. You do not owe him anything, he ended it, so why is he making you feel this guilt? it's selfish and immature. Personally, I would try and cut all contact with him, this way you can forget the familiarities and begin standing on your own two feet again, I know easier said then done right, but come 3 months time, 6 months time you will not know yourself!

You are 26, you are still in your mid 20s stop freaking out, a little early for the 2.4 children and picket fence, you have sooooo much time!!!After 7 years of being the other half of a couple, i reckon you need the time to start rediscovering who you are and what you want from life. Being in relationships since 19, your outlook and values will have changed drastically, so re-evaluate what you want. Take up a new class, start going out more with friends, join a club....it will be amazing what breaking a routine and trying new things will do for your confidence and there is nothing like meeting new people to help rediscover yourself.

You are allowed to feel like crap, I know it will sound drastic but it is like mourning a loss, I found though that deleting numbers, changing the places I used to hangout, planning fun and exciting things for each weekend and going to classes or arranging girly dates during the week kept my mind off things and before you know it, you will be wondering if you were the same person who wrote that original post!

Best of luck OP, there is a world of opportunity out there for you, embrace it