Need to fake a straight relationship?

Dacey

Hi!!

I'm a 21 year old girl, I am asexual. For everything else I'm normal
No, I am not a lesbian who's trying to hide, I don't have any kind of prejudice and I have asked myself the question too.

So my family keeps asking me "do you have a boyfriend?"

I was wondering.. is there any gay man who wants to stay in the closet and needs to fake a straight relationship? So of course there would be no sex involved.. just for social appearance, and if we can have a friendship then that'd be great... maybe we share hobbies, spend time together and all... but knowing what the main purpose is.

Maybe it sounds shocking to some but it's not... we'd just be normal friends... the only difference is that in front of our families we're a couple.

So... If you are interested, want to talk bout it or whatever...





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OakeyDokey

That's not what this forum is for. Is there a problem you need some advice on?

Meesared

have to admit this is definately the strangest topic ive seen on here

Dacey

Meesared wrote: »

have to admit this is definately the strangest topic ive seen on here

lol... but, why? I'm just looking for a friendship that would help two people with their family lives...

Dacey

OakeyDokey wrote: »

That's not what this forum is for. Is there a problem you need some advice on?

Really? I saw so many topics I thought I could ask whatever I pleased..

d22ontour

Dacey wrote: »

is there any gay man who wants to stay in the closet and needs to fake a straight relationship? Of course no sex involved here..

Sure, you thought that post out very well...... :rolleyes:

Dacey

d22ontour wrote: »

Sure, you thought that post out very well...... :rolleyes:

OK.. that particular quote sounds really bad, like a extreme right, ultra conservative woman speaking and that's not the way I am. But I know there's gay men out there struggling with their families and If I were a psychologist I would tell them to have the courage to come out but I'm not so I'm just asking ... there's nothing wrong with that...

Shakti

I think its the whole quasi-personals ad vibe from your post it may fall foul of the charter but I guess a mod will let you know if it does. Aside from that though after reading your post I was wondering have you considered looking for someone who is also asexual? plus if you feel that pressured by family into having a boyfriend that your actively pursuing gay men in order that you can deceive/please your family then I would say its your family who are in the wrong and should get off your back about it.

d22ontour

Dacey wrote: »

Of course there would be no sex involved..

This here is what is wrong with your 'post'.

Why would a/any gay man who has/hasn't 'came' out and needs to fake a relationship want to have sex with a woman ? Seriously ? :rolleyes:

Dudess

At 21 you're feeling pressure from others to be in a relationship? Tell them to get lost. I'm way older than you and I'm happy not being in a serious relationship and I'm most definitely not asexual - and I ignore any pressure, because it's my life and nobody else's.

Since you use the word "normal"... there's nothing abnormal about you.

MJRS

This thread made this question pop into my head, I'm not sure if I should start a thread for it or not, it's just a random query, maybe some asexuals who see this thread could answer me, but.. Do asexuals "come out" like the rest of us orientation-oddballs? Just curious, something I'd never really considered before..

OP, I guess the whole fake relationship jazz seems like a more hassle free way of going about things, but really you shouldn't care less! Easier said than done I guess, like every bit of advice! I reckon the fake relationship stuff could be tougher than you anticipate, what if you end up in a fake relationship with someone you don't like! And your family invite them around or something.. I dunno, when you think about the day to day logistics, it sounds mental to me! A similar idea crossed my mind when I was neck-deep in denial (not at all to say that's what you are), but as I said, I'm completely in the dark about the "protocol" for asexuals..

I hope you don't go for the fake relationship idea, it sounds like a horrible way to exist when you can just keep on existing without it! Whatever makes you happy OP!

Fozzydog3

I think I'm in love .....

stephen_n

Do you not think that this is just kicking the can down the road! In hiding the truth your just going to create more questions and pressures, marriage babies etc so sooner or later you will need to tell them. As was suggested though I would imagine that the only sort of relationship for you would be with another asexual person!

Beruthiel

Dacey wrote: »

So my family keeps asking me "do you have a boyfriend?"

Any reason you can't just be honest with them?

Dudess

Yeah, you could just say to them "No". It's really not weird to be single at 21. Are you sure you're asexual also OP? Maybe you're just a late bloomer?

Dacey

Well, thanks. I am sure... I'm no late bloomer, I had a long-term (straight) boyfriend when I was 15 and we lasted till I was 18, and I've tried a few times with some guys I liked, but there's just no way I can enjoy or desire. It's not that we (asexuals) have a lock on our genitals... lol.. well, maybe a mind lock.. that could be possible, we can have sex.. we just don't enjoy it...

I don't find that idea of faking that horrible, I won't be faking 24h a day. To have an asexual relationship means to have a close person next to you, the only difference between a lover and close friend is sex so this "person" would be a close friend... (to me it'd be the same) so it's not even faking if you think about it... I'm not traumatized about my condition, I've come to terms with it in the last couple of years...

//Any reason you can't just be honest with them?//

Well... my grandma doesn't even know what it means... they wouldn't understand a thing.
About children, I've always wanted to adopt.

apache

are there websites for asexual people? there must be. there has to be an irish contingent also?
then you wouldn't be "faking". you could find a like minded person. because thats really what it is all about at the end of the day - finding a like minded person.
good luck.........

baby and crumble

OP, I think you know that 'faking' a straight relationship isn't the best way to approach this. Here are a few links on asexuality that I've read before, which may or may not help:

AVEN- Asexuality Visibility and Education Network

Asexuality meetups across the world on Meetup.com

Article in the Independent newspaper (UK)

Asexual marriage- The Guardian (This is a very well written, interesting piece in my opinion.

OP, just like anyone who is part of a minority sexuality, you're struggling a little with what that means, and how your family will cope with it. I personally don't think it's anyone's business but your own if you have or haven't got a boyfriend or a girlfriend for that matter. Perhaps you should try and find, as others have suggested, another asexual person to create your primary relationship with. You'd be surprised how many people feel like you do.

theTinker

Hey

Do you mind if I ask a Q OP?

I have only one asexual friend so im limited in my experience as it all. However why fake a relationship?

Like if you were gay and didnt wanna come out to your family and wanted a fake relationship to smooth that over for a while i'd understand.
However, your asexual, and since you havent yet had the luck to find that person that you want to be close with(without sex). Does this not just mean that your current dilliemma is that your just single at the moment?
Like why not just stay single until you find someone you want to be with?

I may be completely mistaken, my asexual friend, explains it to me as basically being devoid of sexual urges and alot of sexually orientated behaviour etc, but still seeking the emotional connection of a relationship.

I believe she used the term, Asexual homoromantic?

(this is all just for my own learning, hope i dont come across as not thinking ur idea is good, heck i even thought of applying! lol but just curious)

wonderfulname

Dacey wrote: »

lol... but, why? I'm just looking for a friendship that would help two people with their family lives...

No, no it wouldn't, you're looking for someone to prolong and worsen a situation where you are lying to your loved ones, it doesn't help anyone, in my opinion it does the exact opposite.

Now, I'm finding this a bit confusing, why on earth do you need to fake a relationship? Firstly, you're 21, brief mental survey tells me the majority of 20-22yo's I know are not in a meet the mammy grade relationship, so why do you need to be?

Secondly, are you also aromantic? If not, you don't need to fake a relationship, as has already been mentioned there are other asexuals looking for strictly emotional relationships.

CyberJuice

theres many single people around,that doesnt mean they are secretly gay or lesbian. dont worry about people thinking you are gay or anything,its your own business

You need to be happy with you you are and not be concerned about making fake appearances. unles your true to yourself youll never be true to anyone else

marienbad

OP. I always thought honesty was an overated item in family situations, you are under no obligation to give them an explanation but if the introduction of a friend makes it easier for you and them , what is the harm in that and which one of us would not benefit from having a few new friends.

Go for it and live your life your own way.