I think my dad is cheating on my mam.

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this guys.
I'm a guy in my mid twenties, I don't live at home anymore but only live up the road from my parents and I've always been very close with both of them - my dad has always been like my best mate.
In the last couple of years my parents have been fighting a lot more than usual and my dad kinda went through a bit of a mid-life crisis. He's still not fully right.
Basically things were getting better between them in the last few months and everything was just about back to normal, but now I think my dad is cheating on my mam and I don't know what to do. I'd be 90% sure that he is. And its with our neighbour.
Part of me wants to punch him and tell my mam exactly what I think is going on, but I don't want to break them up. I'm really close to both of them and I'd be devastated if they split up. I'm really at a loss as to what to do. I don't want to tell any of my friends what's going on and I have nobody else I really want to tell. I just need some advice.
Thanks.

Reesy

Hi,

This might sound daft, but can you ask him? Or in a way, would you rather not know? Given that you think of him as a mate, it might be a way forward. However, do try think thru what you will do / say if he says 'yes'.

Above all, I'd say don't start by telling your ma.

Good luck.

Pandora2

Whatever you do.....do not tell your Ma, it would be so humiliating for her to be told something like this by her adult son! I suggest that you bite the bullet and have a chat with himself, tell him you suspect there is something going on between him and the neighbour (90% you said), his face/reaction will tell you if you are right. Make the point to him that if you have worked it out, others will have too and your Mum will not be far behind. If this is really happening, it is his responsibility to either end it and work on things with your Mum or to break this to your Mum himself.

I am not for one minute suggesting that you accept this behaviour, you would be well within your rights to make clear how upset and angry you are at his behaviour and, of course, how worried you are for your Mum but make it clear that he is responsible for what happens next............

Years ago I watched as a newly separated adult daughter returned home after her own marraige split, discovered that her father was having a long term affair, not a neighbour but a very small town, she told her Mum who in return told her A. She knew all about it B. Did not care as long as he still funded the household and C. She was very happy with the arrangement but was now forced to do something about it as the whole family, including much younger children of the marraige, knew!!

Best of luck

aidan24326

OP, DON'T go telling your mother anything for now. If I was you I'd try and establish some of the facts of what's going on first. I mean how do you know he's cheating with the neighbour? What evidence have you got? You need to tread carefully here.

If you confront your dad he'll probably deny it anyway, so you need to be sure that he really is doing what you think he's doing. Hard to advise you on what to do without a little more info.

jimmycrackcorm

You won't get any thanks for getting involved in your parents relationship. You really need to let whatever happens because just like parents do not choose one child over another, the rule works both ways.