Why does he try to get together with me every few months and then ingore me?

LegacyUser

I have never had sex with this guy before. I got to know him from nights out and we kissed whenever we both happened to be out. After the first time we kissed, which was nearly a year ago at this stage he started texting me for a few weeks and asked me to meet up with him. I did and it became clear that he was only interested in sex, however I did not sleep with him.

He then stopped contact and I presumed it would be the last I would hear of him but a few months later he starts texting me again asking me to meet up. I said I was busy and he stopped texting again. Then after another few months he got back in contact and asked me to meet up. I said I would but he cancelled. This happened twice in two weeks then he stopped contact again!

I saw him out at the weekend and we ended up kissing. He texted me later asking if I would be interested in seeing him again. I said maybe... and I haven't heard from him since!

What is up with this behavior? I'm not that into him so it doesn't upset me. What benefit is it giving him as I have never actually given him sex? Why doesn't he just get over it? Any ideas?

LittleBook

confusedaboutbehavior wrote: »

Why does he try to get together with me every few months and then ingore me?

Short answer:

confusedaboutbehavior wrote: »

he was only interested in sex, however I did not sleep with him.

confusedaboutbehavior wrote: »

What is up with this behavior? I'm not that into him so it doesn't upset me. What benefit is it giving him as I have never actually given him sex? Why doesn't he just get over it? Any ideas?

What is up with his behaviour is that he clearly doesn't believe you will never have sex with him and will keep chancing his arm when he feels a bit lonely or is totally gagging for it. And why wouldn't he? You've kissed him on many nights out, you answer his texts, you make arrangements to meet him ...

What benefit is it giving YOU to be in touch with this guy? What do YOU want from him? Because it's clear enough what he wants but you're all over the place!

Gyalist

You're giving him mixed messages and reinforcing his behaviour by kissing him on the ocsasions that you meet up. If, as you say, you aren't "that into him", you need to ignore/block his texts and keep your distance from him on nights out.

Miss Fluff

confusedaboutbehavior wrote: »

After the first time we kissed, which was nearly a year ago at this stage he started texting me for a few weeks and asked me to meet up with him. I did and it became clear that he was only interested in sex, however I did not sleep with him.

He's behaving like this because he's only interested in sex. He's half-arsedly keeping you on the back-burner but because you haven't given him a clear enough indication that you'll sleep with him he's not pursuing you actively but still thinks he may at some stage be in with a chance. If he was interested in YOU you'd be hearing from him a lot more and he'd be asking you out on dates.

IrishEyes19

He's coming back because you allow it. You kiss him on nights out, and reply to his texts, once you stop doing this. He will get the message. I dont mean to be cruel, but your encouraging his behaviour.

He's getting the same as you out of it - a short ego boost!

OakeyDokey

He seems only interested in trying to get you into bed. If your not that interested in him then stop kissing him and replying to his texts. He keeps contacting you because you make it seem like your interested.

LegacyUser

OP, this guy is doing the equivalent of a mail shot. He's probably texting/calling four or five girls at a time, hoping that he'll get a 20% return.

Tell him to change his strategy, mail shots are so nineties.