Dunno what to do

LegacyUser

I'm (24 yr old guy) in a relationship with a girl for almost five years. The relationship seems to have lost its spark for me a long time ago. There is no excitement, passion, very little physical intimacy. We talk several times a day, usually on her instigation. She can be very volitile when she is p!ssed off and says some very nasty things. Recently I have been minimising time I spend with her (I'm not sure why).

I am seriously doubting that this is what I want. I am ambitious and my plan in life is to have no plan at all (in terms of settling down). I don't think she feels the same but is content to go through the motions.

I've recently met another girl whos company I enjoy alot and who I sense likes me. I've had the opportunity to 'make the move' twice but I didn't as I'm in a relationship.

As I said I really doubt this is what I want anymore but I know breaking up with my GF would really devestate her.

tenchi-fan

Op, 5 years.. you had a good run. You should ask her how she feels about a "break", during which you can see whether you were happier with her or without.

charlietheminxx

You're already distancing yourself.... It seems like in your heart you already know it's over.

It might upset her, but she would get over it. Dragging it out when part of you already wants to move on won't do either of you any favours.

Apologies if it sounds harsh, it just sounds like more than a rough patch.

Miss Fluff

head totally wreaked 85 wrote: »

As I said I really doubt this is what I want anymore but I know breaking up with my GF would really devestate her.

She'll get over it. I'm sure she probably suspects that all is not well considering your've distanced yourself considerably and you're not even getting jiggy with her anymore. Might not come as the shock you suspect...

Abi

You can't just stay with someone for the sake of not upsetting them. That's no life for either of you. Break up with her and move on.

LegacyUser

Cheers for replies. Breaking up part is easier said than done - cliché I know!

Podgers

first i would sit down and talk to them (in a nice way ), tell them how you feel and what they think they could do. be open and honest and not afraid to say how you feel, if they are unhappy with with you say well job done.
if they feel the same and are interested in trying to make things work then yay!

tell them what you would like from the relationship, and ask them what they would like. google some ideas on the internet, try and do something fun and different

absence makes the heart grow fonder spending some time away can help but i think you should explain first

ruboo

It sounds like you have already decided what you want, but you're afraid to admit it. If the relationship is dead, it is only fair to yourself and her to end it. That way you both may have a chance at happier relationships.
You never know, the break may be all you need to make you two realise how much you want to be together.

I hope it all works out for you two.

LegacyUser

After a long heated discussion my GF and I decided to give it another go. She was not in favour of wrapping up the relationship and I agreed that I'd be happy to work at it. Unfortunately, I can't stop thinking about this other girl that I've been getting on great with. And its not the case that I can avoid her. I am not a cheater. I've had plenty of opportunities to do so but I never have and have been happy not to be unfaithful. However, I'm tortured between this new girl (who is so lovely) and not hurting my GF who really wants to make an effort.

Head is so f**d right now!

I am a friend

You wimped out.

Go back to your gf and tell her it won't work. Take a bit of time out, get to know the other girl better and see if something develops.

Greaney

Five years is a long time to be in a relationship. You guys are pretty young. Are you planning to get married? Are you planning on having children?

I've asked that question to give you a bit of perspective.

Also, regarding this 'other girl', if you had not met her, would you have been moved so strongly to break up with your current girlfriend? I'm not judging you and sometimes other people act as an impetus for us to move on with our lives. I would however be very careful about becoming a 'serial monogmist'. It doesn't make for building the kind of character you need to enter into a healthy long term relationship in the future. Most of your adult life has been in this relationship. Do you know who you really are as a single man?

I hope my post has been of some help.

tenchi-fan

Op, stop thinking about the "new girl". Nothing happened yet, and you can't pin all your hopes on her.

Instead examine the relationship with your current gf. Sounds to me it isn't working.