Abroad, Single, Lonely.

LegacyUser

Hi folks,
I don't mean this to be another depressing "I'm hopless with girls" thread but I hope some might understand where this one is coming from.

I'm living in the U.S. for about 2 years. I was lucky to meet a very nice girl early on and we'd been getting on great but unfortunately for a few reasons we have recently split up.

I'm devastated by it really but I am sort of accepting that I won't see her again, she feels pretty strong that we break contact.

Anyway, I have a year left on my visa here. I can renew it but in some ways I just want to be home. She was probably my world and I don't know a lot of others here besides her. Without her I feel cripplingly lonely. Having said that, I'd be giving up a really good career job to come home and not be certain of having ANY job. Also, I do like it here, theres so much to do but its just the loneliness thats so crippling.

I'm 27 now and I just feel a bit old to start all over again, like find a girl, start at the beginning of the dating process again, stay with her for a few years before we see what sort of a future we have... My ex and I had discussed me renewing and by the time that expired we'd have a good idea where we are at and she expressed a wish to come to Ireland with me if thats what I wanted. Now I just don't know. I'd have to renew on the basis that I think I can pick myself up and build a life here again... but if that doesn't work I'll be into my 30's coming home and just feel I'll have wasted so much time when I could have come home and tried to build my life at home.

I'm so confused... in some ways I want to give it a go here but as I don't know anyone really, I never get to go out and I never get to meet people. Sorry for the depressing part but I'm just not good a meeting girls, I'm ok looking but not anything special and I'm a really shy sort of quiet guy who keeps to myself and I just don't know how to meet someone new in the future.

When I was younger I read up on all the PUA stuff but I don't want to go there again. To be honest, I feel the "gurus" sort of prey on guys with low confidence and although it seemed great at the start, I became more depressed than ever getting deeply involved and not getting 15 dates a week like these guys preach and became a much happier person once I gave it up. Its tempting to go back and see what it has to offer nowadays but I just don't think its for me. I know its a bad route to take as I will end up more depressed than ever when I hear from "PUAs" that if I was a real man I'd have no problem getting dates and all that... so I'll leave that one there.

In some ways I kinda thought maybe being Irish would help. A lot of people like the accent and it makes you stand out abroad but then again, as I don't really socialize or no anyone, its a bit of a misnomer anyway.

Sorry thats a bit all over the place, I hope some understand, thanks for taking the time to read.

Ickle Magoo

As you say you don't want to go there, it shouldn't be an issue but just to re-iterate the forum charter for anyone responding to your post:

Discussion of Pick-Up-Artists (PUA) methods and techniques are not allowed on this forum.

qwertytlk

Hi,
so your relationship with this girl has ended for good, and while this is upsetting for you, you seem to have accecpted theres no chance of a reconciliation which imo is a good thing as it means you can move on.
Your living in america and have a good career... Thats pretty lucky id say! Now that your not with this girl anymore, its a perfect time to start making steps to widen your social circle and start enjoying your time in a different country.
The u.s has so much to offer, so if there is anything your interested in could you not join a club or association of some sort? What about the people from your job, have you gotten to know any of them? Is there anyone your friendly with at work tht you could arrange to go out with? Or is there any nights out or events planned in your job?
Eve if you dnt find another girlfriend straight away, id say its almost better to start forming some friendships. It will help with the lonliness, get you out socialising and meeting people. And if you did start seeing someone and it didnt work out, then you wouldnt be left on your own as youd still have ur friends!
There are always singles nights, speed dating, internet dating etc. The possibilities are endless.
Your 27, thats really young! Start living your life and try stop worrying about the future. You have plenty of time to meet someone.
Most of all i think you shoulf try and enjoy your time in the u.s, you have an amazing opportunity to experience new things, afterall your in the 'land of opportunity'...dont waste it!

Sleepy

What are you into OP?

Go do some night classes, get involved in clubs / groups in hobbies you're already into or even things you think you might enjoy. It'll get you out there meeting people and, like qwertytlk says, that's your main problem: you let your entire social life out there revolve around one person. Concentrate on finding new friends out there and the girlfriend(s) will follow: like you said, you're an Irishman in a country where our accent is instant ice-breaker.

Miss Fluff

beentherebefore wrote: »

I never get to go out and I never get to meet people.

You're not doing a prison sentence. Of course you can go out and of course you can meet people, this defeatest attitude of never "getting" to go out is all self-imposed really isn't it?

You realise now that your entire social life was dependent on this one person which wasn't healthy.

Ireland is no tea-party at the moment let me tell you so to give up a good job in a country that's run significantly better than here would be such a shame. All because of a failed romance, are you mad?

Making a new life for yourself and increasing your social circle is all within your own power to change - time get proactive! Sport is always a great way to meet people so why not join a team/club? Also, an Ex-Pat society is always a good way of socialising too.