Words of wisdom re. sex, from the Elderly..

Voodoo_rasher

have any such phrases or gems been passed down to you or maybe you've

overheard something amusing in that vein? Those of an older generation who did not yield to rc

indoctrination must have had some priceless things to say re. sex. So share what you have..

for example - "Up the bum, no harm done" I think is one (2nd hand anecdote - it could only have come from an elderly person.)

Kaneda_

Oral sex will make your day but anal sex will make your hole week

mackg

Whatever you do, don't tell your parents about this.

Donald_ducked

''Remember Donald, always pull out before you splash your muck everywhere''

BBDBB

keep your hand on your ha'penny

stovelid

"If you tell the school authorities about our special weekly detentions, you will burn in hell."

Bigus

One to describe a hammerman

That fella is "digging his grave with his Mickey"

Or for old age sex

"The older the fiddle the sweeter the tune"

Or and old carpenter describing his hand saw technique with double entendre

"The slow and steady stroke of an older man "

Or the old bull and young bull at the top of the hill that see a load of cows down in the field

Young bull "lets run down and F*ck a cow"

Old bull "let's Stroll down and F*ck em all"

mikom

"Thinkin' about the muscly-armed paperboy. Wishin' he'd come by and bring me some good news. "

Clareman

It's not going to suck itself

Siuin

"Keep Mr Puss clean!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-1ehDZv6JQ

I blame my grandmother for my poor sex life - all she told me was that the man goes on top and the woman under. My ex and I slept in bunkbeds.

Mint Sauce

One from my Gran.

'She'd be good to practise on'.

:eek:

Says it like it is my Gran.

Hercule Poirot

My grandad is often remarks that when he was in his teens he had sex with any woman regardless of looks, size, etc.

His motto? "While you still have lead in your pencil, write down as many things as you can..."

sgb

When you are poking the fire you don't look what's on the mantelpiece

zimmermania

One night in a pub a man walked out of the toilet with his fly open,when someone said jeez look at your man with his fly open an elderly woman calmly said "a dead bird never fell out of a nest.

rubadub

If ye don't want a nipper, take her up the shitter.

Wattle

Get back up on that horse and keep ridin her till she produces a winner.

Red Hand

Was in hospital when I was 14 and in the same ward, two old fellows were visiting their friend who was in the same ward. They were teasing him about some nurse that used to have to give him medication in the middle of the night for whatever he was being treated for.

"Oh, the mouse will find his hole in the dark!"

backinexile

Group of young lads in their early 20's one night in the pub were having the craic drinking plenty, when an auld timer turns to them and goes

"Lads, it's all great craic drinking, put it's no fun pushing rope"