One night stands

LegacyUser

Am female, single, in my 30s. Always very careful with men. Single for the last 2 years, kissed couple of guys - nothing more. I decided to get myself into the frame of mind of possibly having a one night stand. I always thought that I would have to care about a man before sleeping with him, but turns out I dont!! Which has surprised me greatly.

Was out Friday night, and opportunity arose, so I went with it. Nice guy - think he wanted to stay a bit longer, and was going to call in late to work, but I was like nah off you go. Its completely opened my eyes, and kind of shocked myself that I could be like that. I have had opportunities to sleep with men before (married/single etc), and I always stopped myself. When I was younger, I was a bit of a (for want of better expression) man eater. Am scared this has opened something in me. Has anyone experienced this?

The only thing that turned me off a little was the fact that although we used condoms, I felt a little uneasy (he said condoms were fine after but I didnt want to take risk), so I went to pharmacy and got the MAP.

LegacyUser

I've done the same plenty of times. I can easily seperate sex and feelings, no problem. The only one thing I will say to you is keep it totally to yourself. A lot of people think a woman who enjoys sex without commitment is to be looked down on and other backward things.

Both women and men but I've been particularly shocked over the years how prudish many men are, even young lads. I don't understand why it's important how many people someone has slept with as long as it's safe sex.

You'll get judged if you're honest about it and your pool of potential partners might be compromised. So to keep your options as open as possible, keep one night stands and fcuk buddies to yourself.

I am in a long term relationship and very happy and am totally faithful to him but when I'm single I get sex if I want it, but I keep it to myself. I don't feel there is anything wrong with that. Just remember the golden rule, be descreet!

CyberJuice

not sure what your askin here

are you askin if anyone else is fine with just goin out and having sex with strangers and forget about them the next day?

loads of people do it,not only men, ive been suprised over the years the amount of women that do it,lets not forget that for every man that has a 1 night stand there is a woman involved,he hasnt just had sex with himself.. so women are definately at it as much as men..

each to their own i guess,if you wana go out and do it then thats your own business,many of us just cant do it or dont want to.go have your fun but be carefull you could end up pregnant or with stds or being abused by a stranger, never invite them back to your own house,its not safe..

and like the second poster said,keep it to yourself,your next serious boyfriend is not gonna want to know that youve been sleeping with everything at the drop of a hat

Ickle Magoo

OP, this is an advice forum rather than a discussion forum - perhaps you could sum up what kind of advice you were looking for? If you'd rather a discussion about other posters experiences then perhaps a discussion forum such as The Ladies Lounge would suit better?

LegacyUser

Hi - yes maybe it would be better in the ladies lounge forum. Am just trying to get my head around something that even a few months ago I would have been dead against. Just looking for other people's take on things.

Ickle Magoo

If it's advice then you're in the right place - though I'm not sure what kind of advice you are after.

Your post gives kind of mixed messages - you are surprised at how you have behaved and then you've gotten the MAP just to be doubly sure so you are clearly anxious about the possible ramifications too...so I don't think there is any reason to worry you are suddenly going to lapse into man-eater status.

Good sex feels great and intimacy with another person is lovely but one-night-stands are not for everyone, perhaps there's a happy middle ground between complete strangers and not waiting too long that you'd be more comfortable in?

Overheal

MAPs are an EIF against STDs. Just saying.

mikemac

what's EIF?

ash23

mikemac wrote: »

what's EIF?

EIF = exercise in fultility.
However OP stated that they also used condoms and she got the MAP as an added protection. The condom was probably sufficient once used correctly.

OP one night stands are fine. Some like, some don't.

Emme

IDidIt!! wrote: »

I have had opportunities to sleep with men before (married/single etc), and I always stopped myself. When I was younger, I was a bit of a (for want of better expression) man eater. Am scared this has opened something in me. Has anyone experienced this?

The only thing that turned me off a little was the fact that although we used condoms, I felt a little uneasy (he said condoms were fine after but I didnt want to take risk), so I went to pharmacy and got the MAP.

If ye were both single and used protection then there shouldn't be a problem. You would be surprised at the amount of guys who don't want to use condoms (particularly those of a certain age) so you were lucky with this guy. Always walk away from a guy who refuses to use a condom. And it's not advisable to sleep with married or attached men but from my experience they're the ones who make the most offers.

Like you OP I would have been very against ONS at one stage and would have felt guilty for sleeping with a guy on the first night. Now I realise that life is short, there is no guaranteed happy ending or white picket fence, you have to grab every chance of happiness you get and if you don't harm anyone there shouldn't be a problem. I don't think that having a ONS will turn you into a man eater. As you said yourself you have been single for two years. I would advise you to be discreet about ONS because women in this country are judged if they sleep with a guy on the same night.

Some guys (even though they have lots of ONS themselves) wouldn't see you as LTR potential if they thought you had ONS. ONS can feel empty and futile but it's not always easy to find a guy who wants a LTR or intimacy so if you have needs that aren't been met ONS could be a temporary or occasional solution. As you long as you take precautions (use condoms and be careful who you hook up with) you should be OK. And be discreet.

Ksusha26

I had a couple of ONS last year after a breakup and while they can be fun and discreet, one needs to be careful. Both times the men used condoms so I was not concerned. Its up to each and every individual how they feel. As the saying goes, some girls do, some dont. OP, you walk your own line. Its your life and your body.

I am a friend

Ksusha26 wrote: »

I had a couple of ONS last year after a breakup and while they can be fun and discreet, one needs to be careful. Both times the men used condoms so I was not concerned. Its up to each and every individual how they feel. As the saying goes, some girls do, some dont. OP, you walk your own line. Its your life and your body.

+100%

As long has you can handle it mentally and emotionally then you are doing no harm... Enjoy

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice.
Genuinely dont have a problem with ONS, and I know that now.
It has given me a particular issue though, and I think this is what I was trying to get out:

I work with one of the guys who lives with him - I actually agree with the discression bit. We were a bit, shall I say, noisy - completely didnt enter my head until today. Am terrified the guy at work knows and has told people (I got very paranoid at one stage today when one of the guys he works/is friends with was smiling at me going "so what did you get up to the weekend" and a cheeky wink. It was ONLY then that I went "oh sh*t".

I dont know that guy very well, but he is a bit of a gossiper and loud mouth. Well, I guess I cant change anything now, but yes I dont want to known as a bicycle. Its just sex. Do I need to say something?

Emme

Say nothing and carry on as if nothing happened! He'll have forgotten about it by the weekend and gone onto the next topic of gossip.

Ksusha26

IDidIt!! wrote: »

Thanks for the advice.
Genuinely dont have a problem with ONS, and I know that now.
It has given me a particular issue though, and I think this is what I was trying to get out:

I work with one of the guys who lives with him - I actually agree with the discression bit. We were a bit, shall I say, noisy - completely didnt enter my head until today. Am terrified the guy at work knows and has told people (I got very paranoid at one stage today when one of the guys he works/is friends with was smiling at me going "so what did you get up to the weekend" and a cheeky wink. It was ONLY then that I went "oh sh*t".

I dont know that guy very well, but he is a bit of a gossiper and loud mouth. Well, I guess I cant change anything now, but yes I dont want to known as a bicycle. Its just sex. Do I need to say something?

No you are not a bicycle and sex is natural and fun. You havent kissed a guy in 2 years and last Friday was the first time you had sex in that time. Why the prudishness? In 2 years I have had 3 sex partners, 2 ONS and a long term relationship and I'm 26. That is quite normal. So what if your friend gossips about you. He maybe just jealous because he didnt get any, didnt get the opportunity to enjoy sex with a lovely and caring person like you. So what the sex was noisy, thats normal you enjoyed it so what.

My last ONS, i met a man in a pub on a Saturday night and we went back to his place. He lived in a house with an old woman and no doubt she heard the bed squeaking and me doing the ooooo and uuhhhhs . The following morning we had sex again, cue more bed squeaking and the moaning. After we had done it, I kissed him good bye, I got dressed, walked down the stairs passed the old lady who gave me a horrible look and walked to the bus stop down the road, knickers in my hand bag. It was a cold journey home, especially with a mini skirt above the knee and no tights in the middle of January.

Enjoy sex but enjoy it responsibly.

jacklad

go for it and enjoy yourself, im a guy and would have no problem having a one night stand and have had a good few.