is this happening again?

LegacyUser

I'm in need of some advice, have no on else really to talk to about this, plus I need a clear mind to see if I'm being silly or not!

A bit of background info - been with my boyfriend now for a few years, all was going well until this time last year when he confessed to not loving me like he used to and that we were growing apart, and he wanted to try the single life. This came as a massive shock to me, I knew he had been quiet/odd for a while but I had no idea it was this extreme.

Anyway, we sorted things out, agreed to spend more time together etc. I thought we could patch things up, I thought everything was fine then. Then a few months later I found out he had been talking to another girl on facebook, and was getting close to her. He broke off contact with her after I told him to, (yes, I had to TELL him to break off contact, who knows how long he would've kept this up if I hadn't have found out....).

I forgave him, but I've never forgotten what he did to me...how hurt he made me feel, lying to me constantly, even after we had made up, he went on to get close to another girl. I'm still finding it hard to cope with, and i think now (one year on) he may be doing the same again....he's become distant again (wanting to spend more time on his own, snapping at me, not communicating as much, addicted to facebook)....I think he may be chatting up girls again/or looking around.

What should I do? He gets angry with me whenever I bring something like this up...plus I get so nervous even bringing it up. But his actions and his distant mood of late has me worried again. Could a guy who I've been with for so long (and who apparently 'loves' me really treat me like this??

Thanks in advance.

LegacyUser

m'dear you deserve so much better than this....
i really think you should get out of this relationship while you can...
it cant be good for you. from the way he is behaving it sounds like he may be looking for ways to exit the relationship by talking to other girls... it seems like he is making his feelings clear...
leave now while you can and hold your head high...
you dont deserve to be treated like this. Find someone who will treat you with respect and love. This man isnt demonstrating either...

daenerysstormborn3

"He gets angry with me whenever I bring something like this up" - you should be able to talk to your partner about everything and anything that effects your relationship without him getting angry. You are equals. You don't get angry at an equal for trying to have a mature conversation about something that effects you both.

finbarrk

Doesn't sound great for the future. The 'I love you' mightn't be genuine.

qwertytlk

Hi, my honest opinion is that he wanted out of the relationship but you talked him round. Now he is in a relationship with you but his heart isnt in it. Thats why he is pursuing other girls. He is just doing what he wants (trying out the single life) regardless of his commitments to you.
There are so many warning signs here op, the fact that he gets 'angry' of you try and discuss his 'frienship' with these other girls. If it was so innocent he wouldnt act like that when you tried to discuss it would he? Also the fact that you had to force him to stop contacting these other women....well that one doenst even need an explaniation!

It seems that you have alot more invested in this relationship than he does. He has a total lack of respect for you and your relationship.
You deserve someone who is willing to commit 100% to you. Some who rrespects you and cares for you, who is willing to be open and honest and discuss all aspects of your relationship with you. Someone who ultimatley would never do anything to hurt you. Not someone who is too cowardly to end his current relationship before he starts up a new one....or more accuratley a series of new ones!

I would cut him loose if i were you. I know its hard and you are hurt and will be if it ends but imo you will be much beter off in the long run.
Either way you clearly need to have a serious chat, wheater he likes it or not because you deserve an honest explaniation at the least.

Best of luck,hope u will be ok

LegacyUser

Thanks for the responses everyone, they have really opened my eyes to all this.

I was so stupid to think he would change, I have always believed that if a person cheats\strays one time, then they'll do it again. I guess I just blinded myself from this fact as 'I'm' the only person who cares about this relationship. I would have never done what he did: chatting up the opposite sex on facebook, that's just so low and utterly sleezy.

I don't know now if I really know who he is anymore. I'll have to drum up the courage to ask him directly if my suspicions are true, as I said, he's a strong/loud person, so it's not easy, as I'm the complete opposite. I just don't understand why he can't talk to me about all this but feels the need to go behind my back all the time....I guess it is lack of respect/love.

Sorry for rambling on again, but all your advice really got me analyzing things I never picked up on.

den87

and he wanted to try the single life.

From my own experience once someone says that they're are thinking this way, its a very hard thought to get rid of. It lingers with them.

Best thing you can do is let him go because you will destroy yourself in the long run by questioning everything he does and you'll become paranoid. So give him a break, if he really loves you, he'll come back and if not-everything happens for a reason.

a confused niamh

I'm sorry OP but your relationship is over. I have been in your position. I can tell you exacltly how its going to go - you will confront him, he will get angry at you for acusing him of this and turn it back on you and make you feel bad.

My advice - get out while you still have some self respect. This may sound harsh but you deserve to be happy and right now you are living a half life!

charlietheminxx

I've been there too... and it's horrible but it seems to happen to everyone at some point. Don't be afraid of being without him... it sounds like you've been on your own in this for a while.

Take some time to figure out some stuff about yourself.... You'll find life will change a lot when you aren't pouring all your energy into a failing relaionship and getting nothing back.

What he is done is low, and you deserve better than that. The man is not worth making you feel like this.

It'll be tough to end it and it takes some time to get through the "Have I made a mestake?" feeling, but I guarantee that within a couple of months you'll be over it, and feeling so much better. Life is too short to spend it with someone who doesn't love you back.