Not sure if he is straight anymore.

LegacyUser

This is going to sound really strange but its really bothering me. A guy I really like who Ive slept with before, in an on and off way has been cold and hot towards me. Told me he wanted to be friends and yet has iniated sexual stuff towards me despite this. I love him more than anything. but things have gotten so strange.

my friend has began to suspect that he is possibly gay, and a lot of his strange behaviour leads to this.

I should start with how moody he is, he has said he is going to counselling for issues, and his head isnt in the right place. Before this and lot during our "seeing each other" he constantly makes gay related jokes, mocking them, or talking about anal sex in a vulgar way, using the term Queer and yet his cousin is openly gay who he loves dearly and I know he would never hurt him. But every joke involves gay jokes or anal sex in some weird way.

His moodiness and his unwillingness to commit to a relationship also made me wonder, he really is withdrawn about things.

But the most striking thing was, we decided to try anal sex on the last time we slept together months ago. I thought nothing of it after. It wasnt exactly my thing but months later, we were having a conversation and I got a drunken text from him saying how it was unreal and he cant stop thinking about it.

I let that go.

a week ago I then got a text, saying that it was the best sexual experience he had ever had.

I was annoyed as he knows how I felt about him and sending me this wasnt fair.

The next day I confronted him. He got moody and said lets leave it and got all huffy.

a day later he apologised. told me he was speaking the truth though, it really was the best sex he had, and that he cant stop thinking about it
Furthermore he then asked me how the anal sex was for me and said again it was unreal for him and that the noises I made really turned him on.

a day later, he brings it up again, I could tell he wanted to at the beginning of our conversation and he says again how unreal it was, and then says. If I ever wanted to try it again???

I said no, as I had feelings for him and if he only wanted sex, it would be unfair for both of us. He said ok and said he always thinks of that night. He also said, he wouldnt do it with anyone else. I cant help but feel if he isnt openly gay who else could he do it with.

I know it sounds riddiculous. But I cant help feeling he might be gay and trying to get it across. He is so focused on this one act and he has slept with a lot of people. His comments and his moodiness.
My friend who I confide in, is convinced of it now.
But any thoughts on this. I really appreciate any advice. I would hope not. I love this man, and I want to get back with him. But on the other hand, would be happy if he confided in me about this too. Cant ask him, his reaction would be awful.

I am a friend

Doubt he is gay. Think he enjoyed anal and it could be hard tofind that many f-buddies who would do anal.

He just wants a repeat performance and doesn't mean he is gay.

ElleEm

If he was gay, he wouldn't be so into sex with a woman, anal or not.

Maybe he just really enjoyed the sex.

All the anal sex/ homophobic jokes seem really immature.

CarMe

He sounds very immature with all the gay jokes but I don't think it makes him gay, just very stupid and ignorant.

I'd say he genuinely can't stop thinking about the sex as it was his first time doing anal and he knows it won't happen easily with others.
I don't think you should sleep with him again he doesn't seem to have much respect for you.

thefeatheredcat

notsure!!! wrote: »

a day later, he brings it up again, I could tell he wanted to at the beginning of our conversation and he says again how unreal it was, and then says. If I ever wanted to try it again???

I said no, as I had feelings for him and if he only wanted sex, it would be unfair for both of us. He said ok and said he always thinks of that night. He also said, he wouldnt do it with anyone else. I cant help but feel if he isnt openly gay who else could he do it with.

He's bringing up the topic of sex repeatedly.... sounds like sex, whether it be anal or not, is what he is interested in. His moodiness is more like his way of dealing with your rejection of having sex with him (anal or otherwise).

Gay jokes/bashing are not cool, so it's more likely him dealing with an insecurity he has in projecting that insecurity in crude or immature jokes. Doesn't necessarily mean he's gay (or by having an interest in anal sex with a woman either) but he just could be a bit uncomfortable/slightly homophobic around the issue.

Either way, if he's not looking for a relationship and you are, it is a case of different pages. You've lightly touched on the subject with him already, I think you need to sit down and talk it out before his repeated attempts and initiations of sex bother you more (because it's outside the terms of a relationship where you're getting confused about your situation because of his interest only in sex and behaviour) and his pride is wounded from rejection/frustration that could led you both to falling out with eachother or parting company under difficult terms.

estar

what do you love about him?

LegacyUser

estar wrote: »

what do you love about him?

OP here, what kind of question is that? That really isnt the issue here. Nor is it anyones business. So I wont justify with an answer. thank you.

At other posters, thank you for the advice. I was just looking for some clarity and in response Im not currently nor do I plan to sleep with him. I have mainly been wondering about this issue. Thank you for the advice and opinions however.

estar

i think you have interpreted my question as being somehow negative and if that is the case i apologise. it was meant innocently and it absolutely was not meant in a negative or judgmental way.

if you have concerns for him, and his well being then he is seeing a counsellor which is great, maybe you could ask him generally how he is and that you are there for him as a friend. if he needs to talk to someone then he would be aware that you are open to talking. and if he doesnt choose to confide in you, then he does have the supports around him in other relationships perhaps?

estar

and by other relationships i mean, other friends, family whom he could confide any worries in or to whom he is also close.

CarMe

How old is he op?