Sick of being poor

LegacyUser

This might come across as a bit of a moan but I really am seriously depressed and fed up.
Like many people in Ireland, I left college in the middle of a recession and jobs were as rare as hens' teeth. It came as a shock, as I'd been told all my life that if I worked hard, it would pay off, and after knuckling down and doing well at college, all I seemed to have to show for it was a student loan (worked through college too, but it wasn't enough to pay for rent and living costs in Dublin). I decided to move over to the UK to see if things were any better and ended up doing a TEFL course. I did end up getting work in a language school, and so I do feel 'luckier' than some people back home who have nothing, but to be honest, I just wonder what the point is. I'm only getting about 15 hours a week of teaching and therefore barely surviving. Every penny goes on rent and bills. I spend every evening applying for graduate schemes and jobs, but I hardly ever hear back and I end up failing most of the grad scheme aptitude tests because I'm useless at doing maths under pressure (I'm extremely strong in every other way).

I feel guilty for feeling like this because I know I have it better than people in many other places, but my life is just so dull and meaningless. I have nothing to aim for, except for getting a new job (which seems impossible). I've found it hard to make friends here, my work colleagues aren't that nice (there's a lot of competition for hours and b*tching if people think you're doing better than they are), my last holiday was visiting a family member for a few days in 2009, I can't afford to buy a winter coat or boots and every bit of clothing I do need to buy is from Oxfam. I also have quite a few health problems which mean I can't move away anytime soon as they're doing some tests to find out what they are. To make things worse, most of my students are spoiled brats from well-off families and it's just painful to have to listen to them bragging about how they get an allowance of £2000 a month or how they have 2 iPads or bought a Gucci handbag. They're all so demanding as well and seem to forget that teachers are human too. I was called straight from a hospital appointment to cover a class when another teacher was sick, never got a chance to prepare and felt awful and some of the students moaned to my manager that I was boring.

Sorry if I'm boring you, perhaps just needed a bit of a rant, but also looking for some advice, any ideas of anything I can do to improve my life. I really just feel so drained and so fed up. It's Friday night and I'm sitting in bed with the duvet wrapped around me so I don't have to pay for the heating. What can I do?

CarMe

Aw you poor thing. I think if you could make friends where you are it might make you feel happier about life.
For the past six months I have also lived off next to nothing while paying rent and bills (maternity leave) so I do understand how you feel and the fear of not having the next months rent etc.
What I found really added to my stress was when I'd think of everyone better off than me, even those on rent allowance and the dole. It would eat me up and I'd feel so sorry for myself and my beautiful girl but then when I'd remind myself how lucky I was for what I did have and those less fortunate than me I'd realise that in actual fact I was doing just fine.
I really think you should try meet new people, join free clubs, check online meet ups. Look for a few extra hours work a week in a shop, pup, whatever.
Good luck x

You poor thing

If you are doing badly in aptitude tests for maths, do you think you might use some free online resources to improve your maths? save up and buy a textbook? ask in maths forums if you have problems?
if you have the free time since you have a bare min of teaching hours, you could catch up on it
or if it's just under pressure you could find aptitude tests and practice doing them under "exam conditions" to get used to it.
that way you could open more doors

best of luck

tenchi-fan

I hate saying this, but stop feeling sorry for yourself. When you think negative you can really get yourself down. If you were in a better mood your post would have sounded much more positive:
"I graduated from college. I have a TEFL qualification. I have a job that pays the bills. I'm currently job-hunting and expect to find a job that suits my skillset in the next year."

LegacyUser

bluewolf, I do complete loads of practice tests and go over the strategies, but when I get to the timed tests, I just panic and mess it up. These tests are incredibly challenging, even for people who are good at maths and good under pressure. Of course I'll keep trying, but it feels worse and worse each time I get another rejection from another grad scheme. It seems so incredibly unfair that I'm well educated and have so much to offer and I'm being rejected at the very beginning just because of one thing that isn't even relevant to the job. I get that it's competitive nowadays and that employers can afford to be picky, but the whole process is so anonymous and robotic.

tenchi-fan wrote: »

I hate saying this, but stop feeling sorry for yourself. When you think negative you can really get yourself down. If you were in a better mood your post would have sounded much more positive:
"I graduated from college. I have a TEFL qualification. I have a job that pays the bills. I'm currently job-hunting and expect to find a job that suits my skillset in the next year."

But the whole point is, I'm not in a better mood because I'm completely worn down from the useless job hunts and not being able to afford anything but the bare minimum. I've already said I know I'm better off than many, but that doesn't stop me feeling miserable almost all the time. All I do is work and jobhunt. To be honest, why would I expect to find a job that suits my skillsets in the next year when I haven't found one in the last two years of searching? Some of my friends back home are saying I should just accept that this is the way my life has worked out and be happy with what it is, but I've always had such high aspirations. It's hard to accept. I will obviously keep applying for jobs, but it's hard to see an end in sight.

FlashD

If being poor is the problem and not the TEFL job, have you thought about looking beyond the UK, like to teaching in Korea, China or Japan or a country where the pay and benefits are a whole lot better? I mean these are the countries that most TEFL certified teachers head to.

Best paying jobs of all are in the middle east but a masters is normally needed.

As far as i'm aware the whole TEFL industry in Europe right now is in the dumps.

LegacyUser

Hey I worked as a TEFL teacher and while the job had its perks I always had certain students who were excessively demanding, whingey, lazy or pass remarkable. I also know that work cultures vary depending on the school you're working in. So don't let it get you down because I would assume a lot of teachers probably have the same experiences. I've also had times when I was asked to cover for a class 5 minutes before it started, if this happens it says a lot about the place you're working for in terms of disorganisation.

Secondly you have to ask yourself why are you applying for these grad schemes? Is there a pattern to them, for example are they grad schemes for banks? If this is the case it would be beneficial to start with the question as to what constitutes the motivation for you to apply to these schemes. If you have no interest or background knowledge for them it may negatively affect your chances. Find out what you really like doing or determine what kind of job matches your interests and abilities and work towards that.

R.D. aka MR.D

Hi op,

I honestly think what you need is a change in attitude.

I was the same as you, left college in 2009. Miserable times.
I was so depressed and really thought i was hard done by because i was always told that if you work hard you will get what you want.

Well that may have been true but it isn't anymore. that is what you need to realise. The past is the past. the mistakes, even though they were not ours have been made and won't be changing any time soon.

There is no point blaming anyone. it's like the whole thing of: if some one has been shot by an arrow and you find them you don't spend hours thinking about where the arrow came from and why it was shot. You deal with the wound and try to get on with it. There can be analysis afterward but the main thing is to deal with the problem!!

The way that i came to peace about this whole sorry situation was to completely hit rock bottom. I was in massive debt and completely humiliated and i realised that things couldn't get much worse so i focused on making things better.

Lukily i had some emotional support from family. Do you have anyone like that?

I hope this makes some sense but in essense what i am trying to get across to you is that you have to stop feeling entitled to the life that was promised to you and deal with your situation.
It is amazing what a new out look will do for you.

I'm in a position now that couldn't have even imagined a year and a half ago when i was in such a black hole.

Another quote that sometimes helps me is: things don't always work out to plan but they always work out

LandL84

I know it's not easy for you right now and all the inner feelings are negative, which creates more negativeness around you. I don't know if you heard of the law of attraction - negative attracts more negativeness and positive attracts possitiveness. I understand it's difficult to feel good and positive when your life seems going down the drain.

I can reassure you, that you are not the only one out there struggling with your life, having money issues, feeling meaningless, not getting what you are expecting etc. and there are much worse scenarios.

Firstly you have to come to terms with your current life circumstances.

Secondly, you must change your attitude, bring some positivity in, change your thinking, because you're tearing yourself apart..

If you say it's impossible to do something - you will be right, and if you say it it possible - you are also right. So which attitude would your really want to adopt?

Don't let your mind trick you, you have to start to control your thoughts. Thoughts lead to your feelings and feelings cause your behaviour. I know it's not easy, been there and it's a damn hard work.

Some people get what they want much easier than others and it may seem unfair but that's the way things work. Some people just need more time to build their life the way they want. I keep saying these things to myself and never stop believing.