what should i do?

whiteley91

Me and my girlfriend broke up Monday after nearly two years together and i must say im very heartbroken and shocked about it doesn't seem real or her?
well what happened was she went out Saturday night with a few friends which i don't mind but i always ask her to text me when she gets home. not a huge ask but she didn't and i was kind of mad with her Sunday then over that. we didn't really talk much Sunday because i was working and she was asleep. Monday morning comes along and im still abit mad (not much) about the whole text thing. In class we cant talk to much as its a small room. She wanted to talk and try and sort things but me being stupid said no wait till later not now in college. I don't like talking about stuff like that in college because there is always someone listening or there. She wasn't too happy about it. around midday she text saying basically we were done and that we had grown apart and she wanted to focus on college as it was out last year. i dnt think we have grown apart at all but she is very heartless and lacks emotion where as before she was very emotional. she said she wants time and space but im finding it very hard. she gives me odd hug and maybe a kiss if im lucky during the day because i look upset.

My question is what do i do to get her back?
How do i get her to remember that she loves me?
What do i do because i see her all day everyday?

Firetrap

There's nothing you can do, I'm afraid. You can't make somebody change their feelings just because you want them to. You do sound a little bit intense and controlling though. She probably had her own reasons for not texting but it's not something to be fighting over, is it?

Listen to what she's telling, not what you want her to tell you. She's saying she feels you have grown apart and that she wants to concentrate on college. You're saying too that she's heartless and lacking emotion these days. Let's face it, her feelings towards you have changed. Don't read anything into the odd hug and kiss. She still cares for you on some level and may feel guilty about breaking your heart. It means nothing - don't read too deeply into it.

The hardest thing for you is not being able to avoid seeing her because she's in your class. Concentrate on your studies, don't sit near her in class and do your best to avoid her.

Ickle Magoo

I think your best bet to salvaging the relationship is to listen to yourself, to the points she's made and how you are reacting to that...

You don't mind her going out with her friends? You were carrying around a grudge for days that she didn't check in with you when she got home and your response to her pulling away from your moods and fairly controlling behaviour is to accuse her of being heartless and lacking emotion? It sucks that you are in class together but my advice is to give her the space and time she has asked for - by the spadeful - and it's telling that those are the things she has asked for, given what triggered the split.

I don't think it's a case of getting her to remember she loves you - couple-love is conditional; as soon as we feel too constricted, too controlled or we aren't getting what we need/want out of the relationship, the love dissipates and no amount of reminding about how things were in the past is going to change how she feels now. If the relationship is to work, the dynamics between you have to change and you both have to be happy with those changes.

First off, start by backing right off and giving her the space and time she's asked for...but be fair to yourself too, don't sit in moping, don't be upset in class because I don't think that's doing your cause any favours at all and don't wait forever - you are entitled to a time frame so you know where you stand...but I also wouldn't get your hopes up, I suspect as classmates she's trying to avoid embarrassment and acrimony rather than considering reconciliation.

All the best.

whiteley91

Shes texting me and things like that but its really hard when i see her in class. Its like nothing has happened when were in college which bugs me the most. We had such a history together and she isn't one bit upset about it? Well if she is then she isn't letting on one bit... I want to surprise her tomorrow and bring her somewhere but i doubt it would be a good idea?

Firetrap

What you need to understand too is that the person who does the dumping might have already gotten over the break-up in their head. You didn't see this coming; for all you know, she's been drifting away from you for a while.

And no, it's certainly not a good idea. Let her have her space.